simplicity from chaos

Plurfirous

2011-08-11T15:05:00.000-05:00

In a recent discussion with Mike it was determined that there is not a word that indicates the state of needing to urinate. He had initially suggested that such a word might be 'peeey' but that seems unnecessarily cumbersome. More so than the word 'unnecessarily'.

I said that I thought I'd heard at some point that there was a word to describe this state of being. I then recanted and thought that I may have heard that there was, in fact, not a word that describes this condition.

Michael then typed the word 'Plurfirous'. I'm not entirely sure if that was his suggestion for a word that describes the need to pee or not, but I've decided that it is as good a candidate as any. He also wins 42 points for simply finding a string of letters that both looks and sounds like a word that doesn't already exist as a Google search result.

I assume this post will remedy that condition, however.

Alan Wake - Collector's Edition Review

2010-05-30T23:10:00.001-05:00

Let me begin by reiterating, for those who aren't aware, that I've had an off and on excitement for this game for the better part of five years. I previously wrote about these things, and you're welcome to catch up on that first. Also, feel free to check out the Collector’s Edition perk list and pictures.

Five years is a long time to wait for most things, but it's not entirely unheard of. Especially in the media world, video games, movies, and books have been known to carry ludicrously long development cycles.

Now that I own the game the biggest question is, of course: Was it worth the wait?

The short answer is: Yes.

Please note that the short answer does not feature the all telling exclamation mark. There are elements to this game that I find amazing, and others by which I'm not completely blown away. Finally, there are some elements that I would normally consider abhorrent, yet I can't fault Remedy too much as the ends seem to justify the means.

I'll start with a list of things I like, and we’ll call it The Great:

The graphics are amazing. There are some elements I think could have been a bit better, but when you consider how many lighting effects are in place, how much fog, and the incredible draw distances that are being presented to the player as well as the implementation of the Havok Engine for the physics, it’s just incredible.
The controls are comfortable. They’re not too tight, not too loose, but like Goldilocks says, “They’re just right.” As you make your way about the world, everything feels fluidic and natural, and you never feel like you’re trying to fight with the control scheme to make Alan do what you intend for him to do.
Along with the controls how great the combat is. The combat, as you’ll know if you’ve seen any of the trailers, involves a two step process of basically using light to peel back a protective shield of darkness and then a weapon to deliver the actually death blows. It’s a very satisfying process when facing multiple enemies when you’re trying to keep track of who has no darkness, who takes more hits to kill all while strafing around and using flares and your flashlight to keep them where you can handle them. On top of that, there’s a very intuitive dodging system built into the game that, once learned, can keep you from death in a very wonderful way.
There is an incredible amount of world to see and explore, and it pays off to do so if you want to be more immersed in the story. There are pick-ups aplenty, and it’s a lot of fun to track them down.
This is one of those games that has a soundtrack that’s amazing. After playing through the game, I was happy to actually have the soundtrack that came with the collector’s edition. It is, of course, only original music created for the game, and not any of the licensed material that you get to enjoy as you track down radios throughout the game. There is an option under the menu, however, that not only allows you to watch all of the cinematics and re-read the manuscript pages you’ve picked up along the way, but also listen to the soundtrack, and it’s everything that’s in the game that isn’t meant for background noise and includes David Bowie, Poe, Poets of the Fall, and Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds among many others.
The story. This is tricky because you’ll see it listed in the next section. What I love about the story is that it’s very well woven and interconnected, it’s fantastically detailed, and with the collectors edition you’re able to dive so much deeper into it with the companion book The Alan Wake Files, which is fairly well written and long enough to feel that’s it more than just a cheap piece of gimmick while printed on excellent paper in full color with a beautiful binding job. The idea behind the story is excellent, and as the story is peeled away, and more and more is revealed, it all feels very solid and well built. However…

Next I’ll cover things I like, but didn’t blow my hair back, called The Good:

The story. Some of the the story elements feel a little cheesy and gimmicky.
The voiceover narrative from Wake feels a little tired and sometimes more like it belongs more back in Max Payne, or perhaps Sin City.
The voice acting is ok. At times even a little rough, but it’s not bad enough to ruin anything, or even be considered bad.
The difficulty curve is pretty low. Normal is basically a cake-walk, Hard is a cake-walk with more shooting, and Nightmare is more like a Restless Daydream. I have admit that I was expecting more when loading up the Nightmare mode, and after playing through Nightmare I found I’d only had one area where I felt I’d struggled, even slightly.
Ammo isn’t persistent. This is a tough one to classify because in some ways I love it and it other ways I don’t. As you play through the game, unlike most other ‘survival horror’ type games, you’re given a pretty reasonable amount of ammo to survive (as long as you don’t linger too long in infinite respawn areas), and if you push yourself to conserve your ammo your only reward is to lose it all between sections and episodes. So, when you’re in a section and feeling pressure because you don’t have ammo to fight enemies, it’s because the game developers manufactured that pressure, not because you failed in your quest to keep your bullets in your bandolier.

Finally, I’ll run through the things I’m going to call Not So Good.

Advertisements. This is frustrating, to say the least. It sickens me that there are five gamer points to be had at one point during the game simply for turning on a TV that shows you an (old) Verizon Wireless commercial. There are also Verizon Billboards, a very well rendered Verizon Logo on Alan Wake’s cell phone, and you spend the entire game picking up Energizer batteries. Also, you drive into town in a Lincoln MKX, which, believe it or not, had Microsoft Sync, you also get to walk by a very pretty Ford Flex, though you don’t get to drive it. Penny Arcade’s comic on the subject amused me. The only reason I have trouble faulting them, however, is that the ends somewhat justify the means. I have to imagine that money has been tight for Remedy over the last five years, and I have to assume that they only chose to defecate all over their beautiful game landscape because without that money there’d never have been a beautiful game landscape.
The story. Here, again, the story appears on this list again as though it were somehow hiding among the landscape like experienced guerilla fighters. There are some flaws with the story and writing to be worth putting on all three lists. Being a Finnish developer, a game written by a Fin (who also wrote everything Max Payne), and starring a plethora of Finnish voice actors, I think there are a few things that are lost in the translation. Beyond that, there are some other issues, but to specifically describe the problems I have would cause spoilers, and for that reason I’ll leave it as a simple shred of statement: Plot holes and untied threads. (And, yes, I understand that additional episodes are forthcoming and thus might cause me to re-evaluate this point.)
Mo-cap gone wrong. I’m a huge fan of motion capture for helping create a more complete and immersive experience. From time to time, however, there are some issues. In this case I’m frustrating by the way that NPC’s tend to miss their marks when doing things like unlocking doors, or flipping switches. Also, there’s something missing in their facial expressions, especially during dialog sequences.
Stopping on stairs. This is just silly, and it’s not completely uncommon in games, but for some reason you can send Alan up a set of stairs at a full run and he’ll occasionally just stop dead, even with your thumb still pushing forward and finger on the run trigger, he’ll just stand there. After a moment he’ll begin his idle animations, swinging his arms and looking quite bored. Sometimes he’ll do it in one spot, but on a later play-through he’ll run right through like there isn’t some sort of issue with space-time on the stairs.
Items fall down. This is a problem that occurs in a lot of games, when you enter a room or round a corner, items are meant to drop into place. They are being drawn, as if by magic from somewhere beyond the veil and they mean only to exist now that you approach. Occasionally, though, these items to be completely surprised by Mr. Wake’s arrival, and thus fall into place while you’re looking at them. Even worse, occasionally items that aren’t meant to shock or surprise will roll in front of you looking silly and forlorn.
Hitting and kicking. I understand that there’s a lot that goes into every controllable action your character can perform. I understand that building an interaction between the character and an object can be quite tough, but I do not quite follow the logic of Alan Wake wandering around Bright Falls hitting and kicking everything to make them work. Jukeboxes, doors, wooden decks and even transformer boxes all fall before his mighty whacking and kicking. It’s a minor irritant, but it remains anyway.

So, to sum things up, I loved this game. I have played through it twice, and have started my third tonight. The first time I played in Normal mode, collecting items and enjoying as much of the story as I could take in, the second time I played through on Nightmare mode, now unlocked, and found items I missed. The final play through I’ve begun will be to watch the video commentary that’s included in the Collector’s Edition, and having started this, I can tell it will be a little tricky to try to understand everything those crazy Fins are trying to tell me.

This is the first game for the Xbox 360 that I’ve ever completed with 100% of achievements and collectibles, and I have to admit that I’m really pleased that I’ve done it. Admittedly, they weren’t much of a challenge, but still provide me with a good sense of accomplishment.

Are there problems with this game? Of course there are. No game is perfect, though, and I have to admit that there’s nothing so much wrong with this game that it ruins or even really leaves a bad taste in your mouth. It’s a ton of fun to play, lasts just long enough to keep your attention and entertain but not so long as to feel drawn out, and it’s not so short that you reach the end and feel as though you’ve been ripped off, rather you’re simply left wanting more.

Buying on launch day means that the first DLC episode, due out in July, will be mine for free. I can’t begin to explain how excited I am to experience this, as well as the second episode that’s slated for release though not yet dated. I was a little bothered by the idea of paying $10 for each episode, but after reflection, that’s actually the basic cost of the game new (there are six episodes in a game that costs you $60). I suppose time will tell whether these add-ons will be worth the cost and time, but for not, I’ve got my fingers crossed. As long as each episode contain an amount of gameplay on par with a middling episode from the main game, it should be well worth the money-dollars.

So, in closing, go purchase your own copy of Alan Wake. If you can, do yourself a favor and give your game shop the extra $20 for the Collector’s Edition. The extra goods are worth the cost, and the money goes to a good cause, i.e. not Activision.

A Confusing Lack of Cantankerousness?

2010-05-27T13:56:00.001-05:00

I’m fairly certain something is wrong with me. Actually, I’m sure there are many things wrong with me, but right now there’s one thing in particular on my mind: where has my cantankerousness gone?

Here’s the issue: I’ve been having a hard time hating things of late. That is to say that I’ve been finding it difficult to find faults with things and have been more or less able to accept almost everything. There was a time when I could find faults with almost everything. I’d watch a movie and there’d be plot holes aplenty or poor scripting or acting. Music was poorly constructed, or terrible lyrically, or just plain stupid. Video games had terrible controls, or were too short, or were a rip off of something else.

These days, though, I’m having a hard time not enjoying things. Even if it’s something I know is stupid, I seem to be content to just sit back and enjoy it.

I don’t really have a problem with this, though. And really, it’s not much different than I’ve been in the past, I think I’ve just shut down part of the critical area of my brain. I worry, though, if this all will lead to a dumbening? Has it already? Will I get stupid because I’m not constantly taking media apart to it’s core to analyze it?

Sure, I’m still noticing flaws. I’m not saying that watching the new Alice in Wonderland I didn’t notice things that I found problems with, but I was able to simply not worry about them and focus on the story.

Is this a result of getting older? Is it my outlook on life? Further, is it because I’m happier and more content than I’ve been in the past? Has my brain been infested contentment bugs? Is this related to issues I feel I’ve been having focusing?

Still, though, I don’t think my ire is completely lost. I can say with honesty that I hate The Hold Steady. Iron Man 2 was the worst advertisement I ever paid to watch. Perhaps my concerns are unfounded and this problem isn’t terminal.

Yaycation! Travel Log – Day 1 – DURING BACKFLIPS USE BOTH LANES

2010-05-25T07:39:00.002-05:00

Almost every family trip I’ve ever tried to take starts out with a lot of frustration and often an angry squealing of the tires from the driveway, sometimes hours later than intended. Things just never seem to go as planned, whether it’s something forgotten during packing or just too much time eating breakfast or a satellite plummets from the sky leaving a massive hole in your roof.

Our departure was scheduled for 5 a.m.; a lofty goal, to be sure. When we pulled out of the driveway at 5:20 a.m., I was flying high, amazed by the fact that nothing had gone completely wrong. Things were going our way and we were starting our vacation on a high note. Even when we rolled past the Dunn Bros. we’d wanted to stop at because they weren’t open yet, I easily shrugged it off. We could simply stop at Caribou, right?

Everything was going great until we hit traffic on I-94 just east of Cty Hwy 101, less than a minute after entering the freeway. After waiting 20 minutes to travel less than a mile in three lanes of traffic, having not yet reached the signs that indicated that we were approaching a reduction to one lane. We followed several other cars all making illegal u-turns to go north on 94 again and we headed back to 101. The most frustrating part of all of this was that we had no way of knowing about the traffic problems before we entered 94, but by the time we made it back to 101, it seemed traffic was then backed up well into St. Michael. If we’d just been running a little later, we would have avoided a whole lot of aggravated waiting.

Apples into lemonade, however, the Dunn Bros. was now open. Thus, Manda and I were able to get ourselves some delicious coffee and the kids got smoothies. After a short stay at the coffee house to make sure final bathroom needs had been met and with caffeine ingestion underway, we got our trip back on track.

It wasn’t too difficult to avoid the congestion and soon we were on 494 travelling south at around 80 mph.

Things clipped along well enough. On I-35 I found humor in misreading a construction sign that said, “DURING BACKUPS USE BOTH LANES”, bringing us our snappy title. Even after realizing that the sign had nothing at all to do with back flips, I still didn’t understand its meaning.

Shortly thereafter we crossed the border into Iowa and within a few minutes had pulled into our first rest stop. With cheers from the kids in the back seat we made our first official stop of the day.

Here we see the first evidence that Iowa has decided to embrace their stereotype. The rest stop, which is shaped like a barn with a silo shares a parking lot with Diamond Jo’s, a casino shaped like a farm. There’s even a sign you can see from the road that appears to be a classic but functioning water tower.

We took a little time to take some pictures while we were there.

It’s clear from this and other rest stops that we visited that Iowa is light years (yes, a measure of distance) ahead of Minnesota in terms of rest area technology. Among other things, most seem to have been given facelifts, upgraded bathroom facilities, and now seem to offer free wireless internet at most that we saw. all the rest stops that we stopped at along the way seemed also to be clean, no longer the dingy, dirty, scary places I recall from my youth.

In Iowa, you don’t even need to press a button for free bacon. It’s automagical.

Before we reached Des Moines we discovered that there are hungry machines currently chewing the northbound lanes for a solid several miles. They seem to be tearing up the north bound lanes of I-35 and doing so in a very thorough manner. It seemed a small and unusual section of road to be working on. I was curious enough to wonder what the ends were, but not to have actually looked into it at all. I’m sure the internet holds the answer to this conundrum, and maybe someday I’ll look into it.

Passing through Des Moines we stopped at a CiCi’s for lunch.

I fear for Iowa’s future generations.

The drive through southern Minnesota and northern Iowa is beautiful in many ways, but is also where a lot of the stereotype that Iowa is flat farmland comes from. Still, we couldn’t help but to marvel at the beautiful views as they rolled past our windows.

I love Minnesota for many reasons. It’s beautiful country in every direction whether you’re looking at the rolling farm land of the south and south west, or the natural forest of the north, or the rocky hills of the north west or the river valleys of the east. On top of that the Minneapolis – St. Paul area is home to incredible old architecture, new sky scrapers, commerce and on and on.

Yet, Iowa has it’s own allure, and I certainly don’t subscribe to the idea that there’s nothing to see or do in Iowa, or that it’s all just corn fields. Sure, there are a lot of corn fields, and their biggest city is pretty small my Minnesota standards, but there’s still something about it. I'll talk a little more about that when I describe the drive from Council Bluffs to Sioux City, which has some breathtaking views.

Our arrival at the hotel was interesting. While it was satisfying to reach our destination, it was a little disappointing to discover our view was not exactly stellar as it overlooked a truck yard next door. Located in Council Bluffs, across the river from Omaha, it is not the most pleasant area of the city. The hotel is in the midst of the casinos, which also happens to be a more industrial area of the city being right on the banks of the Missouri River. The room, however, was clean and well appointed for a cheap hotel. First impressions were that the building is quite new and clean but definitely deserving of the high ratings on Priceline.com.

After dropping our stuff at the room and taking a few minutes to refresh, it was off to Old Market. Old Market is a lot of fun but as with any place you visit, there are always high and low points. The architecture in the area is amazing, there are a great many old buildings that still bear a lot of the vestiges of years gone by. The variety of various shop types is nice, between trendy clothiers and a cigar bar, to antique shops and a gift shop similar to mashing a Spencer's and The Afternoon together. Sadly, many of the shops in Old Market aren't near as old as the buildings in which they're housed. I found that some of the art contained in the galleries was bland and uninteresting, and we saw a couple of street performers in the area that just weren't worth the coins being thrown to them. Still, there was a lot to see and take in, and it was an enjoyable way to spend an afternoon.

After Old Market, we drove around the downtown and midtown areas for a little while looking for someplace to patronize for dinner, but being that we hadn't come prepared for metered parking, we decided to head back to Council Bluffs and eat someplace with a parking lot and a slightly lower sales tax rate. We chose Golden Corral based on our ‘Buffet’s That Aren’t Close to Home’ theme that we wound up with for the day.

After dinner we went back to the hotel for a refreshing swim. We followed the swimming with the arduous task of getting everyone in and then back out of the shower. While it took a while, it felt great to wash the long drive off and let it swirl down the drain.

Once cleaned, refreshed and ready for the evening, it was off to the beautiful Bob Kerrey Pedestrian Bridge. The bridge spans the Missouri river and goes from a park on the Council Bluffs side to the another on the Omaha side. While I could try to sugarcoat it, the truth is that the park and neighborhood you have to pass through on the Council Bluffs side feels very ghetto. Perhaps it was the darkness, perhaps it was the run down cars and old beat down houses, perhaps it was all the people playing basketball under the stadium lights they’d turned on, or maybe it was the guy in the doorway of the bathroom leaning against the wall because he likely couldn’t hold himself up while drinking from a large jug I assume wasn't chocolate milk.

The view of downtown Omaha was pretty gorgeous, though.

Once you peel all that away, though, it all seemed to be fine. I would be willing to guess that both the neighborhood and park aren’t so bad in the light of day. Once we were on the bridge and nearer to other tourists also checking out night attraction, we felt better. What really sealed our feeling of safety, however, was discovering that Segway Guy was on the job.

We assume that by night, Segway Guy roams the pedestrian bridge making obvious idle observations to all the tourists, garbed in his safe-t-green neon vest and helmet and red emergency lights flashing bravely in the night while by day he is an AD&D champion with the ability to quote The Lord of the Rings. Verbatim. From the original Tolkien text.

What most amused me about Segway Guy was that he approached us for the first time as Tristan stood straddling the Iowa / Nebraska imaginary stateline that's painted on the bridge while I was pointing my camera at her. He proceeded to say that we should take a picture of her straddling the state line.

It made our night, however, I think, being able to chuckle at the silly man riding the segway back and forth across the bridge. I didn’t feel right taking a picture of him, but now I almost wish I had.

After the bridge, it was a short drive back to the hotel where everyone piled into their respective beds and fell asleep, all were excited for the day ahead when we would visit the Henry Doorly Zoo...

For a gallery of images from this trip, please check out this link, I will be updating the gallery with more images as time goes on.

A Semi-Brief History of a Friendship – Part 1

2010-05-14T12:05:00.001-05:00

Recently I was writing a random ‘blog’ post to test settings on a podcast Mike and I have tentatively decided to work on which gave me pause. I poked fun at the fact that one oldest and best friends has a very poor memory for details, going so far as to say he suffers from anterograde amnesia.

Specifically I said:

…Mike and I did some discussing and recorded it. The process resulted in some interesting revelations.

First of all, let me tell you that I'm absolutely certain Mike is suffering from some form of anterograde amnesia. We mostly talked about how we met because Mike doesn't recall much of anything that happened before this morning. I'm not saying that I have a flawless memory, but it boggles my mind that he seems almost incapable of forming and retaining memories. It's strange how often I'll reference something and he'll tell me he has no recollection of the thing at all.

I used to feel insulted when this happened. He has blanket memories of feelings surrounding periods of our friendship, but when I mention something that happened, he'll be completely lost. I had thought, for a time, that this was simply because he didn't care enough about me and our friendship to retain memories. However, I've since learned that this isn't the case, or at least, it's not likely the case.

Oddly enough, he seems to have a nearly photographic memory of some things, like episodes of Scrubs, for example…

The truth is that I know he doesn’t actually suffer from such a malady, but after writing about it, it got me thinking about memory and history. I realized, after writing it, that there was a lot of things that I simply don’t remember, or at least don’t remember well. I’ve spent the last day or so considering my own history.

So, I submit a concise and utterly incomplete history of my friendship with Mr. Michael Dennis Baumann, part the first.

I met Michael on the school bus in fifth grade. My recollection is that he was sitting with another kid by the name of Mike Pemberton, and that the two of them, mostly Pemberton, made fun of me for some reason. At this point, however, I don’t recall why. Whatever the reason, though, I recall that they had talked about something that I was interested in, if pressed I would assume it was comic books.

My memory is that Mike as blonde haired with a side part and a colic in the back like Dennis the Menace and dressed like a prep in those polo shirts with the little alligators in the corner and docker khakis. Now, the fact is that he dressed nothing like that, but that’s how I remember him. It’s a far cry from how he looks now.

Although we didn’t start out fast friends, over the course of the school year, I believe we started talking and eventually he invited me to his house. It was either the summer following fifth grade, or at least near the end of the fifth grade school year as the weather was pretty nice.

The memory of the first time I went to his house stands out for me for several reasons. First, I had been living in a old apartment building down the road while his home was very nice by comparison. His bedroom was filled with nice things and toys. I won’t lie, I was a little jealous of his house and things. That, however, isn’t why the memory stands out to me.

The first time I went to Michael’s house, he and I hung out in his bedroom, which at the time was at the top of the stairs on the second floor, next to the upstairs bathroom. I recall that he said he needed to go to the bathroom, and he passed through the mirrored door to the adjoining bathroom (I recall being surprised that it was a door to a bathroom and not a closet). Once in the bathroom, he began to sing, “I am so great! I am so great! I am the greatest because I am so great!”

This went on for a very long time. I’d say around fifteen minutes, though my memory makes it seem much longer.

After that we hung out on a semi-regular basis. I would go to his place mostly, and we’d spend time in his bedroom talking about comic books and our own stories. Sometimes we’d spend time down in the family room playing Sega or using their blazing fast 486dx Packard Bell computer and their connection to the new and futuristic world of CompuServe.

We spent a lot of time playing Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and X-Men. We talked about X-Men and Wolverine. He mentioned recently that Mike Pemberton had a love for Gambit, but my memory was that he thought pretty highly of the Cajun Card Master himself. We’d discuss ideas we had for comics, he showed me a lot of his old artwork. At one point we came up for a codename for sex called “playing Sega”. We also spoke of a girl named named Candy that either one of us had heard of, or met, or simply invented, and she was meant to be quite attractive so that we talked of ‘Playing Sega with Candy in our mouths’.

It’s hard to believe how idiotic we were about things.

I also remember that, at the time, we listened to a lot of popular music, like Ace of Base and Counting Crows. I remember that we used sing along to Round Here and Mr. Jones, at one point he confided in me he’d thought the lyric of “cut-up Maria” was actually “color of Doritos”. We used to change the lyrics in The Sign and All That She Wants.

My memories always incomplete from that time, I still remember that it was the first time I’d ever heard the terms, “if you can’t keep it the pants, keep it in the family,” and “incest is best”. They were spoken by his sister, Kelly. I remember his golden retrievers J.D. and Otis. I remember that his house always smelled funny to me, which I think was a result of his mother’s use of potpourri and drying flowers and plants.

Our friendship has always had plenty of turbulence, though. I recall one event that shattered our friendship. We were intending to venture into the world of painting miniatures with a rather timid jumping off point of painting the figures that came with the Marvel Super Heroes Board Game. The argument revolved around the way we should paint Wolverine. This issue being that the lines and shape of the figure were from one era of his costume, there was another on the box, and yet another that it might have been. I believe I stood firm on the fact that the box and the figure were showing the old brown and yellow costume, and Mike believed the figure should be painted with the new yellow and black. Either way, we didn’t speak for several weeks after that.

It wouldn’t be the last blow-up we’d experience.

Throughout middle school my recollections are pretty fuzzy. He and I were friends, and we’d hang out, but we didn’t share a lot of classes. I try to recall when I was in the after school ‘writer’s club’ if he was there with me, and I really don’t recall. This is painful. I remember Dan Brown quoting The Simpsons and that he was really overly proud of his ability to remember the full name of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.

I listened to a lot of Green Day at the time. Music was becoming a huge part of my life, especially punk and indie music. Mike and I became semi-estranged, as I was also bonding closely with another friend, Ray. While we hung out throughout middle school at Fred Moore in Anoka, I just don’t recall much from that time. This is where I’m able to cut him some slack about his own horrible memories. My recollections of a lot of things are strong from that time, but memories of my time with Mike is not.

Around 8th grade, however, I know we had a pretty long period of estrangement that was not the result of anger, as far as I can recall. I believe we simply went our separate ways. I do wish that I’d started keeping a journal then, or even before. I wish that I had the foresight necessary to know that I wouldn’t be able to recall things as well as I would have wanted.

He and I didn’t really reconnect until our Freshman year in high school. We talked and hung out but, very little. During the summer prior to 9th grade we were both in marching band, and through his older sister he had more friends there already. While I’m not certain, I think he also was somewhat not embarrassed, but wanting to interact with older students and more mature friends. I may also have represented his youth that he wanted to leave behind. I’m sure it didn’t help that I had started dating someone he had sort of dated for a short time before me although I had absolutely no idea of the fact.

During the school year, however, I remember that we reconnected due to a shared love of The Smashing Pumpkins. It turned out that he’d been very much into their double CD that had come out, Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. It was in the music room, probably during or after a Marching Band practice or perhaps after our music class that it came up. After that we talked more, hung out some. For a time in high school we were close again. We shared an art class and developed the character Madd Mann. We had grand plans for comic book ideas.

Fast forward a little while to when I met Laurel, who would become my wife. Mike and I talked and hung out, but we didn’t have the same connection we had before, and there was a bit of a rift that came from the fact that I was having some issues with my family at home.

I recall arguments about his ferrying Laurel and I around to each other as he had his license and a vehicle before I did. I also remember when Laurel lied about having to go home when the reality was that she and Mike went out to see the movie Pleasantville. He had no idea of what had happened, but it was a sore spot for me for a while.

In 1998, we went to Wizard World in Chicago. It’s one of those memories that stands out very strongly for me. It was a big deal. I still have, somewhere, the notes I took on digital coloring with Photoshop and inking.

Still, we hung out and listened to a lot of the same music. We both liked the Offspring, which is what led to our discovery of AFI who opened for them at First Ave. I remember that we both talked about and enjoyed a lot of horror movies. We grew apart, but we stayed together in a way. For a time we tried the punk rock thing, he and Ted Anderson and I. Though it never went far. I still have a lot of good memories from his basement bedroom.

I remember when I told him that Laurel was pregnant and that I intended to marry her. I remember the disappointment. I remember feeling horrible that I’d let my friend down.

He was at my wedding, his unique giant M based signature appears on the wedding certificate as a witness. After that we became close again, for a time. Though we didn’t hang out much. He was going to school and trying to live the life of a punk rocker. I think he was living in North East Minneapolis at the time, so close to the train tracks that you could practically touch the train when it went by.

During this time we spent a pretty good amount of time together, we’d talk and hang out. We’d watch movies and work on stories, and comics, and movies.

Always Mike and I schemed various things. Movies, novels, comic books.

Sadly, my recollections are so terrible that I cannot place many things in the correct order. Mike was dating Jenny at some point. He spent time working as an apprentice at Forever Yours tattoos in Anoka. It was there I trusted him to tattoo me. More than once. I will forever have his artwork on my person.

I remember that I’d been living in New Hope and he came over late one night as he sometimes did. We had been closer as friends then than we’d been in a long time, and I remember when he told me that Jenny was pregnant and that he was going to be a father. This was shortly after Laurel had become pregnant with our second child.

---

That’s where I’ll end things for now. Perhaps when / if I come back with another installment, I’ll be able to more clearly recall events. It’s odd that I have a lot of memories that are there, but incidental. I have memories that are unrelated. Some are very clear, and some not so much. Of course, I’m trying to recall things that occurred over the last 20 years, and during pretty remarkable times in our lives. I’m hopeful that the act of remembering will help me. I, for some reason, feel really dark and lost when it comes to my past, and I would like to have those memories back, if possible. I don’t want to dwell on them, just hang on to them.

I may not remember everything clearly, but I do know that Mike has always been there for me as a friend, even when he’s not been around. Sure, he can be a moody bitch from time to time, but I’m not the easiest person to get along with either. Somehow he’s been able to tolerate me for almost two decades, and I him. He’s on a short list of people I would lay down my life for if it came down to it.

The Love of my Life

2010-05-13T18:08:00.002-05:00

It has come to my attention that I do not talk about Manda, my fiancée, on this blog or anywhere else for that matter.

The other day she mentioned that I had blogged about our vacation destination but never once mentioned her. I defended myself by stating that I implied her with the use of terms like “we” and I pointed out that I didn't want to blog about her because I wasn’t sure how she felt about my discussing her on the internet. For some people, that’s just not cool.

As it turns out, she’s plenty ok with it.

What can I say about my Manda? She’s the first person to make me truly happy in a very long time. She doesn’t stir emotions that I think are happiness or want to be real, but instead she truly makes me happy. Deep down, in my core.

When I’m with her, I feel good. Complete. When I’m not with her, she’s stays on my mind.

She’s the first person in a very long time to understand me, even when she has no idea what I’m talking about. I feel connected with her in a way that I’ve never really felt with anyone before. A bond that feels like it’s always been there. Perhaps it sounds strange, but even when we’d been together for only about a month, I told her how it had like we’d been together for years, as though we’d always just been. It was very comforting to find out that she felt the same way.

I can talk to her, she’s intelligent and witty and can hold her own against my bullshit. Her mind works in mysterious ways and often keeps me on my toes. Her love of language and story are akin to mine, she’s able to communicate with me on a level most people can’t. We can talk about anything for hours and it feels good.

With Manda I can explore. I’ve never known anyone else who is so willing to just drive, to arrive somewhere and see what’s there. With her, I am able to see what is out there. It’s something she is willing to experience with me, and I with her.

She’s beautiful, captivating. Her eyes draw me in and never let go. Her smile makes me want to smile.

Most of all I love her. I love her like I’ve never loved anyone before, and I can’t imagine my life without her.

I wish I could say things that didn’t sound cliché and tired. I wish that I could find enough words to really explain all the things that I feel. I wish it was possible for her to see herself through my eyes, to know exactly how I feel, to know how deeply and completely I love her.

The bottom line is that I’m excited to spend the rest of my life with her, and I hope that I make her as happy as she makes me.

A Rationalization of Vacation Destination

2010-05-12T11:44:00.001-05:00

Maybe it's strange for someone to feel the need to rationalize their family vacation destination. We're going to Omaha, Nebraska for a few days next week. I think some explanation is in order.

Originally we were planning to go to Chicago. The idea was that we'd drive down and stay in the O'Hare area and then do the Museum circuit. It was a pretty decent plan, overall, but the more we looked at it the more we didn't really want to go. Or at least I didn't want to go. I can't explain why I have such a limited interest in Chi-Town, but I just don't much care for it. I've been there, I've seen it. It's a place. I feel pretty confident that at some point we'll get there because neither of have done the museum circuit. However, between the cost of the trip and my disinterest in going, we started considering other destinations.

The first alternate destination we considered was Duluth. Of course, we've done Duluth. What Twin City resident hasn't, right? It's a wonderful place, but it just seems so plain and uninteresting to do for this trip, and we really wanted to get out of the state. Moreover, the majority of the attractions in the area are not open until after May 29th. It seems silly to vacation someplace where more than half of the attractions are closed. Given all of this, and after a great deal of looking and considering we started looking at southern Minnesota.

We looked at Lac Qui Parle and the Pipestone area, and then the idea of taking the kids between Minnesota, South Dakota, and Iowa came to mind. It would be fun for them to say they'd been in three states in a day. After some searching I came up with the idea of running down through Omaha, NE, and then running through Sioux City, IA and Sioux Falls, SD. Then the kids could say they were in four different states.

That seemed agreeable. The next step was to look at all the attractions throughout our proposed destinations. Looking at Omaha was very illuminating. It turns out that there are lot of things to do in Omaha. After picking our way through the travel guide sites, and considering the fact that neither of us had spent any time in Omaha, but had instead just driven through it. We decided we'd just make it a trip to Omaha.

Now, I'm well aware how this seems unusual. No one vacations in Nebraska, right? It's like Cleveland, you just don't go there on purpose.

I won't lie, though, part of my motivation is to see the place the Counting Crows have been singing about for so long.

So, the plan is that we'll be heading to Omaha, NE. We'll be staying in Council Bluffs, IA, because it's cheaper and oddly closer to things to do in Downtown / Midtown. We'll be checking out the Old Market, Henry Doorly Zoo, The Durham and Union Pacific Museums, and various other sites and attractions.

Perhaps this will spawn a series of unusual trip destinations. There's a lot of vacation spots that are off the beaten path, places that people don't normally travel. Perhaps we’ll spend some time in Billings, Montana, Casper, Wyoming, and Idaho Falls, Idaho.

Until then, you can bet that I'll be updating this very blog at some point in the near future with images and information about our trip.

Don’t worry, I’ll be certain to tell you whether everything is on the up and up, or if we’ve been duped and suckered by a skillful marketing campaign by Omaha’s tourism board.

Adieu.

Alan Wake Update / Potential Migration / Big News

2010-05-11T14:30:00.003-05:00

I thought I would update my readers (both of you) on the fact that I have pre-ordered a game for the first time ever. I went into Gamestop in Rogers and gave them a $10 bill for the purpose of reserving the Collector's Edition of Alan Wake.

What do I get in return? Surprisingly less than many other game's Special and Collector's editions, but I'm stoked about those features anyway. I might not have a set of night vision goggles or a remote controlled warthog coming to me, but I'm happy.

In other news, I've been considering moving my blog over to my web space on twotwentythree.com. I'm not sure how that would really effect things. It would be a bit of adjustment until Google caught up, but after that I think it would be fine. Perhaps, nEdwards, you'll just want to create a real bookmark if I make the change.

The advantage of moving is control. I'd be running word press instead of blogger and since I'd be on my own server it would give me a little more control.

I guess we'll see about that.

In final news, perhaps the biggest news, I'm getting married again. I asked my lady love, Manda, if she would be mine and in what I assume was a complete lapse in judgment, she said yes.

We've not set a date yet, though we're looking at October 30th as a strong candidate.

I'll keep you posted.

Alan Wake - A Game that Might Happen?

2010-04-25T13:51:00.003-05:00

To start, I'd like to say that all signs indicate that I will be purchasing the game Alan Wake, which is slated to come out on May 18 of this year.

Mike and I have been talking about this game since it's initial announcement in 2005. Michael had been a proponent from the get go, to me it looked all right, but I wasn't quite as enthused.

From an email I sent to him in 2006 regarding the first footage they released for the game: "alan wake... are you serious with that... i mean, hey, it looks very pretty, but it doesn't appear that the engine is working right from those videos, because nothing moves quite right... and, he's scurred of it getting dark when a bunch of aliens wearing ponchos attack? it looks like some sort of alien version of alone in the dark... but... i mean, wow, it looks gorgeous... so it will be good... like gears of war, arguably the best game ever... because it's pretty."

Now, I understand what I wrote makes very little sense to anyone. I was sending the email to Mike who has learned to parse most of my retardedness into semi-coherent conversation. The gist there was that I was not impressed by what I saw. There seem to be creatures, aliens or otherworldly residents that all wear ponchos and are scaring Alan.

In the many, many, many years since, the Finnish company behind Alan Wake's development, Remedy, has done everything in their power to delay the release while simultaneously promising better and greater features and nearer and further launch dates.

Over the past five years, Alan Wake has entered the topic of our discussions many times, though it has quickly become a running joke. The unattainable perfect that will forever be just out of reach, dangled like a carrot before us.

In that time I've also had cause to change my mind about the game. While they've been changing exactly how the game will play here and there over the years, it seems that the core story has remained, and it looks to be interesting. A story about a writer who moves, at his wife's urging, to a new town, but her disappearance thrusts him into an adventure we get to play. Add to that the fact that they intend to make it more of an interactive story that will play like the first season of a television show, and that it's been in development for so very long and therefore has to be nearly flawless and you have a delicious recipe for a tasty dessert. Or video game. I forget, really.

At some point I recall stating emphatically that if Alan Wake was to be released, I would buy it simply because it had come out. Thus, I am bound to make the purchase, but had I not made that agreement with myself, I'd still be purchasing it. It simply looks like there's a chance it will be good. They seem to have focused on the storytelling, and while it doesn't look like it will quite as strong a departure from classic gaming as, say, Heavy Rain, it certainly looks promising.

Here it is, 2010, and it's been five years since they first announced this title, and it finally seems it will actually come out. I can't say I'm not excited, because I am, but something doesn't feel right. You know? I figured that this would be my white whale, I would be Ahab to this Moby Dick. Now that I might actually attain it, what more will I have to live for after this?

Of course, there's another option. As Mike put it the other day: "I hope each box is empty with a note that says the equivalent of "Psych!" in Finnish."

The Great Garage Debacle

2010-04-25T08:29:00.004-05:00

"Débâcle" is great word, but wholly inappropriate in this case. I use it now simply because I think it's a fun word to say, but the events surrounding my garage are not, at least as of yet, disastrous, though you might disagree.

The question you might want to ask is: what are you talking about and why? You'd be right to ask these things and as such I think it only fair that I answer them.

You might not be aware that we bought a house last September, just before the original expiration of the homebuyer's tax credit, and moved in at the end of October. You might not be aware of this because I've not really bothered updating this blog at all that much over the last year and you likely don't care much about me and the events of my life.

We bought a house large enough to accommodate all us in an area we're both happier living. Our mortgage with escrow is lower than what we were paying for only one of our apartments. It was a foreclosure, however, and therefore needs some work. We've been plugging away on issues here and there, and don't get me wrong it's not a sinkhole of money sucking doom, but there are definitely enough things to work on to keep us busy.

One of the most noticeable issues with the house would be the garage door. Simply put, there wasn't one. In its place the previous owner tacked up four plywood boards and a single 1" x 4" column in the center.

Shortly after we moved in, one of our wonderful neighbors came over to welcome us to the neighborhood. Viktor and Tatiana, a lovely couple who emigrated from Belarus, brought delicious Russian Tea Cakes and an offer of assistance. Tatiana's brother-in-law works for a garage door company and could get a hold of salvaged panels for free and with a little elbow grease we could get the door up ourselves. Now, I imagine that for them, besides the good feeling of helping a neighbor, they were likely tired of looking at the eye-sore for the last couple years and were ready for a cul-de-sac where all of garages had doors of their own.

If you were to keep score, and know anything about anything, you'll know that on this circle, we have been blessed with two incredible and helpful neighbors, one neighbor that isn't terrible, an empty house, and neighbors we've never really met but are far enough away as to not likely effect us anyway.

The goal, when we spoke in November, was to get it done before the snow started coming down. Unfortunately, we missed the goal and spent the entire winter with an ugly garage.

Why didn't we just pay to have a garage door installed, then? While we had the money to do so, it just didn't make sense to spend money on something that we could get done for free. So, we chose to wait instead.

Fast forward to yesterday. Viktor and I began work on the project. Since neither of us are professional garage door installers, it took us a few hours longer than it probably should have, but we're more than willing to point out some of the adversity that has plagued us. Part of the problem, is the fact that the foundation on the garage is cracked and so the garage itself is somewhat lopsided. The left side is almost exactly two inches lower than the right.

It's obvious, after doing the work, that the reason there was no door on the garage when we bought it was because the the tracks had become warped because the foundation of the garage had shifted so far. Without realizing how lopsided the opening was when we started, we were forced to re-hang the new tracks after realizing the situation.

The good news is that the doors are on, the bad news is that it doesn't quite work yet. Because we had to adjust the left side tracks up to keep the door level, the left side of the door doesn't quite clear the rafters at the top. So, we decided to break there and we'll come back with a sawzall and a little bit of lumber later in the week. We're going to cut enough out of two of the rafters to clear the top of the door and reinforce the weakened rafters with some timber.

I have to admit, though, it's really nice to have something that at least looks like a garage now.

The lopsidedness of the garage isn't that big of a deal because we plan to tear it down and build a new one as an extension to the house in a few years, so this thing just needs to get us through a few seasons.

Now, you might wonder why I've told you all of this, and for that I award your house five points. Clearly it doesn't matter in the slightest to most people. I simply like to keep the few people who actually care about me and mine aware of the things that are happening.

Also, I've decided that I'd like to start working on my blog again, and this seemed a worthy topic to write about. The next topic, I think, will be the impending release (finally) of Alan Wake.

Until then, adieu.

Neglected Blog Syndrome

2010-03-11T13:29:00.002-06:00

So, the post under this one was written a very long time ago, and since that time a lot has happened...

Yet my poor blog has gone un-updated, sitting dejected and neglected and ignored among the billions of pages on the internet.

I can say honestly that I've been busy.

I can say honestly that my plate has been full.

I can say honestly that I really enjoy Jet Puffed Toasted Coconut Marshmallows and that the sign on the front of this empty package does not lie, they are "great for munchin!"

You might wonder: What does this have to do with anything? And you're right for wondering it. Sadly, we'll never know the answer.

Farewell, for now.

Delusions of Grandeur

2009-04-23T00:52:00.003-05:00

Recently, I went to the hospital to visit my Great Uncle (the nearest thing I have to a Grandfather on my Mother's side (yes, maternal, I did it my way)) who was suffering from congestive heart failure.

While that was sad, and we were fearing for the worst, I came across this scene when walking around from where we'd parked:

I considered a good omen at the time, or at least something funny, which is probably a good omen, right?

Initially the doctors weren't going to do anything for Uncle because they didn't feel his system could take it. His insulin levels were way off, he had fluid built up in his lungs, and his heart was failing. They decided to make him comfortable and stable.

This, if you've never experienced it, is what you'd call a bad sign.

The good news is that he's doing much better now. It seems the wait and see posture worked out in this case. He's going to be under care for some time, but the outlook is good.

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure where I was going with all this, but hopefully there's something for you to enjoy.

More Amusing Chats

2009-04-11T12:01:00.002-05:00

These are things that have been chatted. I enjoy them. You will do the same, by my decree.

8:48 AM me: So, I've been thinking about it, and I think I will let you give me $5,000.

29 minutes

9:17 AM Michael: I've thought it over and I've decided to decline your offer. It's just too generous.

9:18 AM me: We can make it $7,500 then. That's fine.

Michael: Still.

me: How's life on your end of the chat box?

Michael: Covered in feces, but otherwise fine.

9:19 AM And yours, sir?

me: Well, a bit more sanitary, it sounds.

9:20 AM I informed the girls last night of the potential of a camping trip with you and Lucy and they are cautiously optimistic.

9:21 AM By that I mean they're jaws dropped for about a full minute and then they cheered. I told them we're not 100% sure we can work it all out, but that it looks good that we'll get camping one way or another. They are excited. I also told them that you and I were planning to feed them to wolves.

Their.

Dammit.

9:22 AM I've been screwing of the the(i/y/)(r/)e) 's a lot lately.

9:23 AM Michael: also the "o's" and "f's" apparently.

me: O/u f/p

Those are all the same, really.

Michael: I don't think you're allowed to divide f by p.

9:24 AM me: I don't see why not.

Provide me with a tasty morsel.

Michael: How do you like fist?

me: Seared with a hint of lime.

And then there's this:

8:35 AM me: What the shit is with the snow?

It's fucking April!

8:36 AM Michael: What the shit indeed, sir.

8:38 AM me: I don't remember there being snow in April before.

I'm sure there is and I just complain about it when it happens, but still..

8:39 AM Great Raptor Jesus it's irritating.

36 minutes

9:16 AM Michael: Have the Juggernaut and the Blob ever faced off before?

me: I think so...

Michael: You always hear that, "What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?" thing.

9:17 AM My hypothesis is nothing. But I think Juggernaut and the Blob could shine some more light on it.

9:18 AM me: Possibly.

If they are of equal mass the would simply stop where they met.

9:19 AM And velocity and all that.

Physics is pretty clear on all this...

9:20 AM Michael: Unless of course the immovable object is immovable do to the fact that it is ethereal in nature or somehow intangible.

They never say why it's immovable.

me: True.

Michael: The same could be said of the unstoppable.

Wind, for instance, is somewhat unstoppable.

9:22 AM me: Sort of.

It is stoppable with a force equal or greater.

It's all just atmospheric pressure.

9:25 AM Michael: Of course, the saying does indicate that one is unstoppable and the other is immovable, so it's just theory, as neither of those objects exist.

me: Right.

9:26 AM It's a saying, not a scientific theorum.

Michael: You're a saying.

me: I don't think so...

9:27 AM Unless it's 'A Stephen' which is a term for someone with extreme sexual prowess.

But that's not really a sayong.

9:28 AM Saying.

9:31 AM There are two types of people in this work, sir, Stephen's and Michael's. I think we both know which type you are.

Michael: So's your face.

9:32 AM me: Brilliance

56 minutes

10:28 AM Michael: Sticking that little straw from a can of compressed air up your anus and pulling the trigger is a really bad idea.

me: Wow.

11 minutes

10:40 AM me: Please tell me you don't know from experience now.

Michael: No. It was just a warning. Friendly advice.

me: Alright.

10:41 AM Michael: On a totally separate note, how might one remove a small plastic straw from a frostbitten sphincter hole? Just in theory...I mean, if it was really jammed up there?

10:43 AM me: Tepid room temperature water, some patience and ability to deal with pain

10:44 AM Also, a midget and a bucket of fried chicken.

10:45 AM Three doves.

Michael: Shit. I ate the chicken and fed the midget to the doves.

Wish you'd been a little quicker with that.

me: All part of the plan, sir.

You're doing fine.

10:46 AM Michael: Wow. What luck. I kind of succeeded accidentally there.

I also win for including two "cc" words in the same sentence.

10:48 AM me: Next you'll need a slip and slide, 3 quarts of mineral oil, another bucket of fried chicken the fat black woman from the Weeds, a dead potato beetle, 16 fighter kites, an opossum, and the colon from a mummified animal no less than 10 million years old.

This step is easy, I assume you can figure it out, let me know when you ready for the final step.

10:50 AM Michael: I put all that stuff in the closet, then called the black lady "an uppity negro" and the straw came out when she pulled her foot "out my pasty, white ass."

10:53 AM me: Very good.

Now, for the last step, you're going to need a decent team of attorneys.

10:54 AM You'll be defending the civil suit against the black lady, filing counter suit for damages from her foot in your ass and suing the air duster company for lack of clear warning against blowing up your own ass.

10:56 AM At some point during the trial, get someone to write a fake suicide note, hang yourself with the colon and eat the potato bug. It will make a great episode of Law and Order 'ripped from the headlines'.

10:57 AM Michael: During which I'll be called as a consultant and Alana de la Garza will fall deeply in love with me. Yes.

It's all going just as I'd planned.

10:58 AM me: Ta da!

11:00 AM For our next trick, watch me pull a rabbit out of your ass!

Michael: I dunno. That one's pretty well stuck. I've come to terms with that.

11:01 AM me: It's still unnerving to watch you feed it.

Michael: That was pretty fucking funny. Well done, sir.

11:02 AM me: Thank you.

The Moon for NEdwards....

2009-04-11T00:34:00.006-05:00

Since he's the only one that really reads this blog, and he can't check the Facebooks tonight, here's the moon for your viewing pleasure.

In one image we have a fast shutter speed for detail, in the other a slow shutter speed for pretty... the green moon is actually a lens flare.

And here's why I love craigslist...

2009-03-22T22:29:00.003-05:00

This ad.

Protesting Call of Duty: World at War?

2009-03-20T19:22:00.002-05:00

An article at Joystiq discusses a high school student's protest of Call of Duty: World at War's dog killing. This is a minor element of the game, and takes place specifically in context.

She says, "Killing animals should not be a form of entertainment."

So, my question is: It's not ok to kill a couple of dogs in a video game, but killing literally thousands of people in the same game is cool?

I don't get it.

and then there are times...

2009-03-17T21:35:00.001-05:00

that being a Dad is the best gig in the world.

It says:

To: Daddy
I love
you!
Your the
best
Dad
ever!

Your the
best
Dad
anybody
cod have!

(On the back)
P.S. I hope
you have
a grate
day at
woke!
Ever day!

That is the probably best thing you can find on your desk after the day I've had...

The Last House on the Left

2009-03-14T00:55:00.002-05:00

The Last House on the Left is yet another remake, this time of a classic 1972 Wes Craven film.

It's really not worth delving too deeply into, so this will be a rather short review.

I'm not going to say I liked this movie. I didn't hate it, but it was flawed in a great number of ways. What I will say is that this movie is deeply satisfying, especially as a father of daughters.

The casting is mediocre, at best. The acting is, therefore, sketchy. There are some gaps that I had a hard time with, and some are fairly glaring. Points throughout the movie drag by, almost painfully. There's an unnecessarily brutal rape scene that seems to exist simply for the shock value.

Still, the movie ends with some satisfying revenge, which made the movie feel worth watching.

This is not a movie that I can recommend as a must see, but I will say that it was better than I expected. It doesn't scratch that horror itch, but it's still a movie you can catch with some friends and either enjoy or enjoy bashing.

ThruYOU - Something Amazing

2009-03-12T11:12:00.003-05:00

ThruYOU

Remixing, re-sampling, re-creating: these are all things that I approve of, but only sparingly, at best.

This site, though, is nothing short of amazing.

What it is: Kutiman, an Israeli artist, has taken dozens of seemingly unrelated YouTube videos, everything from solo vocals to basic instructional videos to advertisements for items being sold on eBay, and put them together so deftly as to make a series of seven incredible tracks.

They're all up to see, plus a short 'about' video that allows you to meet the man.

Sure, there's the questions of copyright infringement, of someone using these videos for their own gain. I'm not normally in favor of the ends justifying the means, but these tracks are spectacular, and I have to say the sum is greater than it's parts.

It's worth a listen. Links are provided to all of the original videos as an overlay when you click 'Credits'. Some of the original videos are amazing on their own, and some, I feel, should feel lucky to have actually been turned into something unique and interesting.

I will, however, leave the ethical judgment up to you. My opinion is my opinion. Either way, I'm hoping that even if you don't necessarily approve of the methods, the end result is spectacular.

Coraline

2009-03-10T20:02:00.002-05:00

Here's another film adaptation, this time, Neil Gaiman's great little book for 'kids', Coraline.

The book in this case was excellent, creepy and filled with imagery frightening even to adults. I enjoyed reading it years ago, but decided that it would be best to put off reading it to my children until they were a little older. I loved the book, as I love so much of his writing. My only real complaint would be the lack of a clear cut message. I mean, I understand that it is 'be careful what you wish for', I suppose, but at the same time, I never felt like anyone truly learned anything in the end...

much the same in the film. We'll get to that, however.

The movie adaptation has some excellent qualities, not the least of which is the incredible stop motion animation, brilliant art direction and use of color saturation. I'm sure all of this goes without saying if you've at least seen the trailers or a commercial in passing. It is nothing short of breathtaking to see something that seems so... flawless, yet perfectly flawed. My only regret was that I didn't see it in 3D.

The voice acting is good, but really, didn't exactly leap out at all.

Overall the story presented is fairly accurate to the original. The only glaring difference is that they felt watching a little girl wander around by herself might not translate well on screen, so they created an extra character for her to interact with: "Wybie". This was done quite skillfully, to the point that I actually had to think hard about whether he was in the original story or not.

In the end, I think it's a great movie for both kids and adults, and definitely worth the watch. A word of warning though, even with the bright colors and seemingly upbeat nature found in the ads, this is still a some what dark story. My youngest daughter spent most of that last half of the movie wrapped entirely around my arm, and she's seven. My nine year old girl seemed to handle it well enough.

Found: Stuff

2009-03-10T19:49:00.000-05:00

Hello there random ancient off-brand scanner and bucket of kitty litter... what are you doing here?

Seriously, what gives?

F. Stephen Kirschbaum
Sent from my BlackBerry device.

Watchmen

2009-03-08T10:18:00.003-05:00

I'm not even going to comment on how long it has been since I posted. Just accept I don't post as much as I used to.

Watchmen. I read most of the series when I was younger. Admittedly, I think I was much too young to really 'get it', though it stuck with me. I never got around to finishing. My copy of the original graphic novel was loaned out a very long time ago (which is why I didn't finish it), but the wonder of the internet allowed me to finally read about how the whole thing ends.

The film is unbelievable. I can understand some of the criticism that it's not so much a creative adaptation of the comic, but rather a nearly shot for shot transfer from panel to screen. I can understand, too, why people are saying that it will be, for those who haven't read it, somewhat difficult to follow, like this sentence. I don't think, though, that these things make it bad movie, just a movie that isn't for everyone.

This is a visceral film, I would put it high up in the list of bloodiest movies I've ever seen. The action throughout is intense. The fight sequences are fast, powerful, and performed extremely well.

The characters are cast nearly perfectly, and for the most part, the acting is nothing short of stellar. Jeffry Dean Morgan's (The Comedian) acting in the opening scene is nothing short of amazing, the fact that throughout a stunning fight scene, he shows a range of emotions that are both real and intense, yet subtle. With a simple twinge of his face, you see his fear, and I mean the real, primal, uncontrollable sort of fear that seems like it could only come from acceptance of your doomed fate.

The only weak link is Malin Akerman (Silk Spectre II). To me, she stands out as nothing more than a pretty face that looks like her character. While everyone around her seems to emote, showing depth to their characters, she falls completely flat to me. I couldn't buy what she was trying to sell.

I don't think the effects need much comment, really, you've seen the trailers, you had to have heard how much money is behind this project and the people involved. They are nothing short of amazing, as you would expect.

The incorporation of pop culture and news elements really help to create this as a cohesive package. While I felt a little overwhelmed with some of music, most of it was well placed and transports into their alternate 1985, recalling memories of the Nixon-free version we all experienced.

The ending of the film is different from the comic, some people seem really upset about this. I was aware of the ending of the book, but, I have to say that I am pleased with the way they ended the movie. I don't want to give anything away for anyone who doesn't know, but for me, the new ending makes a lot more sense to me.

I recommend this movie. There are flaws, but to me they are minor. This is as close as you can get to a perfect adaptation as you can get. Some people will love it, some will hate it, but I think it's still worth seeing.

(I'm sorry, I got a little rambley at the end there.)

I've been busy, so instead of posting real things...

2009-02-01T22:59:00.003-06:00

I'm going to just post random Google Chat conversations I've had. With Mike. I do this because I think we're quite funny, and I feel it's a shame not to share our comedic genius with the world. For your viewing pleasure....

Today, I'll be posting from a conversation from November 10th, 2008. This is near the end of the conversation:

10:13 AM me: Eat my penis.

10:14 AM Michael: I will not.

10:17 AM I think I suffer from a type of synesthesia. Not synesthesia really by definition, but I find myself confusing certain numbers with certain letters a lot.

me: Are you being serious?

Michael: Like 2 = D in my brain for some reason.

And 9 = F.

me: Interesting.

10:18 AM Michael: More irritating than anything. Especially when trying to remember a hex code for more than B seconds.

10:19 AM me: rim shot.

Michael: I know. I liked that last part. Still true, though.

me: Indeed

well then. With that said...

I think I'm gonna run to the bank before I have to go get my oil changed.

10:20 AM Michael: Wuss.

me: I wonder if they have the wifis.... I have to sit in the waiting room because there's no place to go... so I'm toting the 'top

gonna work on the website a majigger.

Michael: Doubtful, but you could always rock the offline shit. Make up some web templates or what has you.

10:21 AM me: Indeed.

That's my plan...

I'm just keeping some hope alive for WiFis

they have it at the strangest places now.

Midas has it now, I think.

Michael: Weird.

me: Ineed.

deed

Michael: eed

me: fluffel

Michael: ed

10:22 AM me: Alright, my appointments at IR:EF, so I

should get running...

10:24 AM Michael: Don't make fun of my disability, ass.

Talk to you later.

me: Don't have a funny disability...

later.

While that's quite amusing, here also a median part of a conversation from December 11th, 2008:

10:20 AM

Michael: I've coughed up 8oz of snot today and spit out 6oz.

10:21 AM me: How are you measuring this?

Michael: In units.

10:22 AM me: With what method are you taking your measurements?

10:23 AM Michael: With a unitogramer.

me: That's not a word, or a thing that exists.

Michael: until I invented both.

10:24 AM me: You have not.

The word, perhaps, the item itself has not been invented.

You might say it was conceptualized, perhaps.

10:25 AM Michael: You don't know the things that I do.

me: I have a fair idea based on the evidence.

10:26 AM And historical data.

And of course here we have this treasure from January 8, 2009 :

9:33 AM me: Is Halo really that different than Opium and Absinthe?

I mean, really?

Michael: I would not equate Halo's multiplayer to an extremely potent, smokeable pain-killer, no.

9:34 AM me: Really?

I would.

9:35 AM I mean, both are methods of escape and involve transporting yourself into a new realm of reality...

Michael: Yeah, but you're disturbed.

9:36 AM A tiny, white, plastic baby Jesus appeared on my desk today.

9:37 AM me: Well, that's interesting.

9:38 AM Was there a note attached, or... did it talk to you at all?

Michael: Nope. It's about an inch and a half long. Unpainted, white plastic. No moving parts. No note attached.

me: It'd be great if that was actually how Mexicans fired you. *It is worth noting that Michael works for a company run almost entirely by Mexicans, so, this statement is less random, and racist, than it might seem on the surface.

Michael: I agree.

9:39 AM To be honest, I'm not sure it's Jesus. It's definitely a naked boy holding some type of cup or chalice, though.

me: Please sir, you must send me an image of this.

9:40 AM I need a visual reference.

Also, try to place it around where it was found...

But try not to touch it too much, forensic analysis might be necessary. (Within a few minutes, I received these images from Mike in an email entitled "Mini God" with body text of "For your consideration."

10 minutes

9:51 AM me: Holy hell that thing is tiny.

What the shit?

I don't know about it being Jesus, though...

9:52 AM It's creepy for damn sure.

Michael: It could be an altar boy or something. Like the kid who hands out the wine during communion, but the nudity confounds me.

9:53 AM me: Everything about it is confounding.

Michael: Like why isn't it wearing a hat?

9:54 AM me: Not the first question that comes to mind, no...

9:55 AM Perhaps... what the holy fuck is a naked, cup holding, tiny plastic boy doing on your desk this morning?

9:56 AM Michael: A different point of view, sure.

I look at it as..."What luck! A naked, cup holding, tiny plastic boy is on my desk this morning!"

9:57 AM me: Where does luck enter into the equation?

9:58 AM Michael: Nobody else had a naked, cup holding, tiny plastic boy on their desks this morning.

me: Still not following the logic?

Michael: Those are 1:20 odds, sir.

Roughly.

me: 1:20?

Can you show your work on this one, sir?

9:59 AM Michael: I am the one. There are maybe a total of 20 desks in this office.

I haven't counted, but it's a rough estimate.

10:00 AM me: I don't think you're doing it right.

Michael: Ok...you obviously use a different system of math than I do, but I'll let it go.

me: That's based on the idea that there's a 100% chance that one desk will contain a naked plastic boy in the morning.

Michael: Correct.

10:01 AM Of all the people in the office (20), I was the (1) to receive the naked plastic toy.

10:02 AM The odds of it happening on any given morning to anyone are incalculable.

me: Right, however, the odds are significantly less when you consider that of all the days you've come into the work, this is the first time there's been such an item, and likely first time at all in the office.

Michael: Right.

But you could expand that even further, if you wish, to include all offices and all days throughout history.

Or at least throughout my history of being in an office.

not necessarily this one.

10:03 AM me: Right, but still... I think calling this happening a 1:20 event is a little silly.

Sure, if there was a 100% chance that there was going to be said item on a desk today, then it would be 1:20 give or take...

but you can't say for certainty that there was a 100% chance of it happening in the first place.

Michael: If you accept the reality that a plastic toy was going to mysteriously appear in this office on this day on one person's desk, my math is dead on.

10:04 AM me: Making your odds much greater.

Michael: Well, you can say that with a 100% certainty because it did in fact happen.

me: It's also not dead on until you've counted the desks.

Michael: Hypothetically, I mean.

me: You cannot say for 100%, how would you account for it being there.. what if it fell from a cleaning lady's pocket?

what are the odds of that happening in the first place?

10:05 AM and it landing on a desk?

Michael: Because it, in fact, did happen.

It's history at this point.

I'm not judging the odds of it happening tomorrow.

Although, I can make sure they're 1:1.

me: That's idiotic.

10:06 AM That's like saying someone who won the lottery had a 100% chance of doing so because of the numbers chosen.

Michael: No.

me: Yes.

Michael: My point is that you have to factor in it happening today to make calculating odds even possible.

me: It's history.

It happened.

Michael: You can take odds on a sporting event because it's scheduled.

10:07 AM You can't take odds on the San Diego Vaginas beating the West Hartford Cocksuckers in a world series because it's not a scheduled event.

10:08 AM me: That's not right at all...

you can do that, however, the odds are very very slim

Michael: They're zero because those teams don't exist. But they could in the future, but there's no way to calculate odds on that.

10:09 AM Not even broadly.

me: You'd need to factor the possibility that two teams would be formed, and those names chosen, and they being picked by the MLB and then winning their respective divisions.

It's less likely than everyone in the united states winning the lottery, even without buying tickets, but it's still a possible outcome.

10:10 AM Michael: No, because the lottery is a scheduled event. It happens. It's known to happen. It will happen in the future.

That's my point.

The event will happen.

My body is rejecting more eggs. I'll be back eventually.

10:11 AM me: Sure.

But you're wrong about calculating odds for unscheduled and unlikely events.

Jut because there are a lot of factors involved, and because the odds are long, it doesn't mean it's impossible.

10:12 AM This event is a perfect example, just because the baby appeared there doesn't mean that it would have appeared there no matter what, there have to be tons of factors that go into that.

10:15 AM Unless whoever left it there meant to put it your desk, then your 1:20 goes all to hell, it would be 1:1.

6 minutes

10:21 AM Michael: I made poop.

10:22 AM me: Hooray!

10:23 AM This calls for a celebration.

What size Lincoln bear and hat do you wear?

10:24 AM Michael: I don't know what those things are...

10:25 AM me: You know, a stovepipe hat and one of them chin beard things...

Michael: Oh. you wrote bear.

Not beard.

a 2.

10:26 AM me: Gotcha.

We'll have a hell of a time!

10:28 AM Oh, and we'll need some sort of sexy lingerie.

Michael: I'm starting to feel less comfortable with this plan.

10:29 AM me: Really?

Seems awesome.

10:33 AM We're also going to need some mineral oil.

10:34 AM And a box of q-tips

Michael: I'm back on board.

10:35 AM me: Hooray again!

So, what silly things do they have you working on today?

10:36 AM Michael: Building a rotating Flash banner for the cover page of e-counters.

Arnold asked me to do it starting yesterday and said. "So, how long on this one, 3 hours?"

I said, "To design it, about 4 hours."

10:37 AM "You have to design it?"

"Um.....yes."

me: lol

10:38 AM As if you just have to click a few keys and BLAM! Bannered!

Michael: Right.

10:39 AM I think most of these idiot programmers think that you're supposed to design shit within dreamweaver or flash. I use the entire fucking suite to design things, then put it all together in flash or dreamweaver.

10:40 AM me: Right.

5 minutes

10:45 AM me: Ever eaten Shark Penis?

10:46 AM Michael: Dead or living?

me: Either.

10:48 AM Michael: No.

10:49 AM me: I enjoy doing that too...

When someone asks me a question, and the answer is no, having them specify something, even though it doesn't change the result.

Did you put such and such away?

When, yesterday, or today?

Either.

No.

10:50 AM Michael: Well, it seems prudent to make sure that you understand exactly what's being asked, regardless if changing the details of the question will affect your answer.

me: Not really, but we'll run with it.

10:51 AM Michael: Yes-huh. There could be other factors.

10:52 AM For instance, if you meant dead shark penis, then that's a fairly unthreatening question.

If you meant living, you might have something nefarious planned.

me: And if I'd said San Jose Shark Penis?

10:53 AM Michael: Well, I'd just assume you meant living in that case. And the answer would have been, "I don't think so."

me: Is there really a chance that you might have, but your

10:54 AM you're not recalling it?

Michael: I mean that I don't ask for ID on every penis I eat.

me: How many penii have you eaten, sir?

Michael: And even if I did, I don't know the entire SJ Shark roster by heart.

None.

10:55 AM me: So, you have eaten no penises ever?

10:57 AM Michael: None that I'm aware of.

me: Because then your answer should have been no, and you should not have mentioned whether you id the people whose penises you eat....

Michael: All my statements were true.

10:58 AM "I don't think so" might not be the most appropriate answer, but it is true and valid.

me: In this case, it really would be better just to answer in the negative outright.

10:59 AM Michael: Perhaps.

But this conversation, or at least this portion of it, would have ended long ago. And mpr is kinda boring at the moment.

11:00 AM me: Ahh, well, there'd be other conversations to be had, I'm sure.

11:03 AM Michael: I wasn't prepared to take that chance.

me: I see.

Always playing the safe bet.

11:04 AM So, there's one thing I hate about Fallout 3... which is that I can't kill kids.

11:05 AM Michael: Hm.

See? That was my fear.

me: I mean, you could be a baddest dude in the world, but you cannot take down a child...

unless, in the future, children have magic forcefields.

And, what was your fear exactly.

11:07 AM Michael: That ending the previous thread of conversation would lead to you beginning a new one wherein you divulge some information about yourself that might horrify me and give me cause to keep you separate from my child.

11:08 AM me: Hmm, that seems like a rash decision.

I'm commenting on a gameplay mechanic in Fallout 3... not real world issues.

Besides, I know I could kill kids in the real world.

11:10 AM Michael: Perhaps rash, but when a perceived possibility is the early death of my only child, one that I've grown fond of, I'll again take the safe bet.

11:11 AM me: Following that logic, you two should be a in a sealed bunker, and she should be in a bubble of some type.

There are tons of threats to your child's life on a daily basis.

Michael: How'd you find out about my bubble-bunker?

11:13 AM me: Informed guessing.

Michael: Right, but again. I'm judging probabilities. And when someone expresses an interest in causing the death of children, I perceive that threat as a higher probability than say, ape mauling.

I think it's funny when people on a Live Chat sign off as if it were an e-mail.

11:14 AM me: I have no interest in killing children, real or otherwise, I'm just irritated that this game doesn't allow it.

Michael: "Casey Green: Thanks,
Casey Green: Casey Green
Casey Green: Lawrence KS"

11:16 AM Also, you didn't specify whether the children you weren't allowed to kill were in the game or in reality. Only that the game prevented you from doing so.

me: This is true, but more of a failing on your part to accurately infer an old friend's intentions

11:17 AM Michael: I do like the idea of Fallout 3 forbidding or preventing you from killing real, corporeal children.

11:18 AM me: Yeah, I suppose.

But what if those children are dicks that deserve death?

11:19 AM Like that kid from that movie that one time...

11:20 AM Michael: I didn't mean that I like that it does it. I meant that I like the idea of a video game somehow preventing you from doing something in reality. Also, those kids are dicks and do deserve whatever gruesome fate that have coming to them.

5 minutes

11:25 AM me: Well, I'll be back...

43 minutes

12:08 PM me: So, I was thinking about murdering children in the shower...

Michael: As a good serial killer would.

12:09 PM me: and I was realizing that I've still only got a single digit record.

I'm thinking I really need to step things up.

You know what I mean?

Michael: Absolutely.

Let the carnage rain down.

12:11 PM me: So, it then occurred to me that I'll have a whole slew of little ones very nearby this weekend.

It's like providence.

12:12 PM Of course, that goes against all the ways that I've strived for years to not be caught.

Half of them haven't even been reported missing I'm so good.

Michael: Half of one?

12:13 PM That's disconcerting.

Oh, wait. Single digit.

Not single victim.

me: Right.

Thatis a funny imagine though...

12:14 PM image

half a corpse.

no cops.

everything is fine.

12:15 PM Still, to keep from having half of them reported missing, can you imagine building a fake school and hiring a huge staff to convince parents that the kids are still there, through letters and other things.

Then, after doing this for a while, torch the school and 'oops accident'.

Michael: I can, but will not.

12:16 PM me: why not.

this could work..

let's do it.

oh.

http://www.twotwentythree.com/ave13/location.html

the hardest part is cutting out the damn images.

12:19 PM And it was all that difficult at all, which is what I'm trying to illustrate here.

Michael: um......okay?

12:20 PM You took kind of a hard right there.

me: What, stepping away from child serial killer to two|TWENTYTHREE?

Michael: yes

12:21 PM me: Well, that was being silly, this is not... as much .

I apologize, I didn't realize that thread of conversation had you so riveted and intrigued.

We can go back, if you'd like.

12:22 PM Michael: Have you been recently checked for symptoms of mental retardation?

me: No. Why would you ask?

Michael: Just a routine check.

12:23 PM

me: Ahh, I see.

12:25 PM Alright, well, I'm off to work.

Michael: Enjoy

me: I will not.

I will however speak with you I deem it convenient.

12:26 PM Michael: Enjoy

me: No, you enjoy!

Låt den rätte komma in - A Review

2009-01-05T15:50:00.002-06:00

There's been a lot happening over the last couple weeks, things that I just haven't had time to talk about. I saw Valkyrie, and of course, Christmas and New Years both came and went. All of these things would normally result in a post on this blog, but I've been too busy. The time has come, however, to update my little corner of the internet, as this blog won't write itself.

Last night, I saw Låt den rätte komma in (Let the Right One in) at the historic Riverview Theater in South Minneapolis. If you're one of the few regular readers of this blog, you might recall when I mentioned it before. I had actually been hoping to see it in Novemeber, but the stars did not align for me, and I was not able to catch it then.

After waiting this long, I was half expecting the build up in my mind for this flick would be crushed when it couldn't live up to my high standards. I can gladly say I was wrong, this was an incredibly good movie.

Let the Right One in tells the story of Oskar, a 12 year boy growing up in a working class suburb of Stockholm in Sweden during the 1980's. He's timid and frail, and very brutally bullied by classmates. All that begins to change for him when he meets Eli, a 12 year girl that moves in next door. They begin in unusual friendship, and become close. There's a twist, however, as it turns out that Eli is actually a vampire. Her companion, we guess could be her 'father' sets to work in their new home trying to provide her with the blood she needs to survive, but manages to fail miserably at each attempt. I don't really want to give away any more than that.

There are numerous elements to this movie that make it so great for me. First, it has all the charm and appeal of a 'low budget indy film', however, it packs a great deal of budget into some solid special effects. Second, the cinematography is amazing, you can always tell the difference between film as an art form and film as a means of drawing box office numbers. The characters are well written, and considering the age of the talent, the two main characters seem to really pull off their roles well. There's just enough blood and disturbing imagery to get under your skin, but not to detract from the story, which is my final point.

The story is amazing. I can't say it's flawless, but it seems to unfold in a way that you're drawn along with it. It's a brilliantly executed tale that so much less about a 'vampire' as it is about two people finding each other. It's tender and touching, there's a clear bond between the two main characters that makes you want them to succeed, no matter how everything works out.

It's not often that I watch a movie only to have it end and leave me with the urge to watch it again.

I've decided to seek out the English translation of the book (the author of which also wrote this screenplay), because the only thing I didn't like about this movie were a few elements that I feel were missing from the story, things that I'm almost certain would have to be in the book.

And still I'm eager for another viewing.

Mightier

2008-12-19T10:50:00.002-06:00

Mightier from Ratloop on Vimeo.

I'm always interested in new and different ways of doing things if they work. I enjoy the idea of a level editor for a game, and I have to admit that the concept of drawing on a piece of paper certainly brings a new flavor to the world of gaming, even if it is a bit limited in capacity.

Mightier is a game I would very much love to try. I'm not sure if I will ever try it, because the idea of actually printing something out and then trying to 'scan' it with a webcam seems pretty, well, time consuming, but I'd definitely love to give it a try.

Being an experiment, I'm really curious as to whether or not they'll ever do something with this technology, if it might be refined and go somewhere with it. I imagine that it could be adapted for use with consoles like the PS3 and Xbox 360, which both have webcam accessories. Maybe. The game does make concessions to those without a printer and webcam, but I imagine that the fun of the game has to come from solving the pencil and paper puzzles, even if they appear to be a little simplistic.

The other piece to this is the fact that you can draw your character, and give him some detail, although it looks like the system decides things like depth on it's own, it would be great if artists with a little more skill with a pencil could make some truly intricate character art for use with their game. Much like Spore and Little Big Planet, the ability to share these with others would also be a great feature.

I can also imagine future games using this concept could be fun. There have been other games where you can design basic enemies and characters, but this certainly presents a whole new dimension to user interaction. I have to give credit to Lucas Pope and Keiko Ishizaka for their creation.

From what I've seen, it looks like a good proof of concept, and if I ever get around to playing it, I'll tell you how well it actually works. In the mean time, I enjoyed the video, and find the idea compelling, so, that's something, yes?

Majel Barrett- Roddenberry

2008-12-18T23:44:00.002-06:00

It's a sad day for nerds... Majel Barrett-Roddenberry has died of leukemia at 76. Normally when a celebrity of any sort dies, I don't feel terribly sad, except at the loss of a human being. In this case, I'm actually saddened because she's been part of the Star Trek series for 4 decades, more than my entire life, which, incidentally, has been spent enjoying Star Trek.

Rest is peace Majel, Nurse Chapel, Luwaxana, Computer. Rest in peace.

(Please note, I had to fight hard not to make a transporter "beam up" joke, as well as 'Boldly Go', and several others. My apologies for not trying to be funny about this one...)

Lenovo Presents: The Most Ridiculous Laptop Ever

2008-12-18T23:12:00.003-06:00

I was blown away when Lenovo started putting Wacom Tablets on the palm rests of their laptops. It seems like a great idea and wonderful answer to those wanting a pressure sensitive tablet that's bigger than 12 inches, and offers more levels of pressure than Wacom enabled tablet screens, which don't have near the density and capability of a Cintiq.

Apparently someone at Lenovo has started looking at all the things that graphic professionals want in a computer. They looked at the tablet, and then noticed the dual monitor set-ups and thought, hey, why don't we take everything and cram it into a laptop.

Welcome to the new W700 series.

Overkill? Oh yes. By a long shot.

Quad core processors, nVidia Quattro video cards with a gigabyte of memory, 4GB of system RAM, a 17" screen at 1920 x 1200 resolution, and a second 10.6" at 768 x 1280 resolution.... and...

Alright, here's the thing. It's got all the cutting edge capabilities you could ever want in a laptop, and then it goes and adds more!

The thing is, I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that this thing is so completely overpowered and impractical for almost every setting, or the fact that I get it, and want one desperately.

I don't even want to guess at how much the top of the line configuration of this thing will run... well, actually I do want to guess, and I'm guessing at least $6500 for all the bells and whistles.

All so you can have a watered down version of a more powerful, bigger, and better desktop that you can carry with you.

Walmart + iPhone = ???

2008-12-18T10:23:00.004-06:00

So, there's been a rumor running around for a while that Walmart will be selling iPhones, possibly on the cheap. There have been plenty of suggestions about pricing and capacity. The going rumor was that they'd be offering a 4GB model for $99.

Apparently Engadget now has what they feel is an authentic scan of an internal memo outlining what's really going down.

They'll be offering the 8GB and 16GB models at a mere $2 discount ($197 and $297 respectively) and AT&T will still require the same 2 year contract to get things done.

There are a lot of things that still seem suspect about this, as it is apparently written by an employee at one location. It would seem a little more legitimate if written as a corporate memo, something with a more global tone.

If true, I feel this is mostly good news for the elitist Apple enthusiasts. I imagine that the average iPhone owner feels a certain sense of elitism from owning such a product. The fact that Walmart is going to be selling them alone is probably enough to make their skin crawl, but, I would guess that Walmart selling a $99 model would be enough to shatter the fragile psyche of all the Apple-tards that get that sense of superiority and satisfaction for paying their precious Apple-tax.

So, it's good, I suppose, that Walmart won't have a lock on the Jesusphone's counterpart, the MereMortalphone.

Post 350 - Customers are stupid

2008-12-18T02:09:00.003-06:00

Everyone else writes about their crappy jobs... why shouldn't I?

During the day, I'm in retail management. I don't do it because I really love it, I do it because I'm paid pretty well to do something I'm pretty good at. However, working retail would be much better if it weren't for all the pesky customers. I do mean pesky, because most customers aren't a problem, it's the handful of idiots and self centered fools that sometimes makes it intolerable.

For some reason I don't often write about this stuff, but I figure now is as good a time as any...

Here's a couple from today.

Customer A -

Covering my cashier's break is usually not a big deal. I get parked at the front for a while and spend most of the time directing traffic, and rigning through customers. It's fun to be an extremely overpaid cashier from time to time.

But today a customer walks in and sets a book down on the counter in front me. She doesn't say anything.

Time out, I should really inform you that I've taken a hard stance on basic communication. I no longer respond to people waving things in my face, or saying single words as though they are a question (Customer, "Ink?" Me, "Are we playing some sort of word association game?")

So, here I am, a customer and a book in front of me. I've said hello. A few moments pass by and it's obvious the customer has no plans on making her intentions known verbally. So, I decide I should probably verify the situation and say, "Were you looking to return this?"

She replies with an obvious tone of annoyance, "Yes!"

Great. So, I pick up the book, from which a receipt is sticking out. A quick glance at the receipt shows that it is dated for the first part of March, 2008. Yes, 9 months ago. The most forgiving retailers offer 90 days, or 3 months for return on most items. We offer 30 days, and technically, we would classify this as media / software, and therefore it falls under a 14 day return policy.

I say, "I'm sorry, but I can't return this item, it's well past our return policy."

She grunts and says, "I called the store and they said it would be fine." You see, the receipt was for another location, which she says that she'd called.

I reply with, "Well, I'm not sure who you spoke with, but unfortunately I won't be able to return this item, you've had it for over 9 months."

She rolls her eyes, "This is ridiculous. I don't do this job anymore, I found it in my cabinet and I don't need it!"

Finally, frustrated, I reply, still calm as I always am, "Well, if you'd found it 8 months ago and brought it back to us, we'd have been glad to return it, but we won't be able to return it now."

She said something about my being an awful human being (I honestly don't remember what she said, and really don't care at all). I thanked her as she left.

I don't understand people. I really don't. I mean, I get that the economy sucks and that people are looking to do what they can, but still, this is beyond silly. It's a book. It's a book that she's had laying around for months, and now she doesn't want it and thinks that I we should just take it back for her.

Customer B -

The second customer after Customer A was a man who, after our transaction and general chit chat, said, "Thanks. It's not often you get great customer service from someone who is polite and efficient (yes he used the word efficient). Keep up the good work."

Now, this man was not around at the same time as Customer A. Amazing that I can get such a wide array of comments about my service.

Customer C -

It's later in the day, and one of my cashiers pages me to the front for assistance with a return. She says, "Customer will be waiting at Register 11". This tells me that I'm not coming up to turn a key, or provide a quick solution. No, this is foreboding. I'm coming up to 'deal' with a customer.

Here's the situation. The customer has a receipt from another location, which is dated in the last 3 weeks. On the receipt is two items, once is $24.99, and the other is $3.49. She used a special promotional coupon that is '$25 off a $25 purchase'. Her total came to $3.48 plus tax after said coupon.

She says, "I need you to do an adjustment because that item is $10 cheaper this week."

Immediately I see a fatal flaw, and I explain, "I can do that, but you'll end up owing us money, you got a much better deal with the coupon."

She stares at me for a moment, and then says, "No, you'd be giving me $10 back!"

Deep breath. "No, ma'am, you used a coupon that took $25 off a $25 purchase, if I take this item down by ten dollars, you're total purchase falls below $25, and your coupon no longer applies. You'd then owe me $15."

"No," she says, with a sharp tone, "I talked to such and such (at the location she bought the items from in the first place) and she told me it would be fine!"

Finally I says, "Alright, then you'll need to go to that location and speak with that person, I won't be able to do the adjustment without charging you another $15 since you won't qualify for the coupon anymore."

She snatches her receipt and takes a pen, turning over the receipt and very obviously scrutinizing my name badge. I shift it so it's easier for her to read, and she writes my name down after a moment of obvious surprise. She asks If I'm working tomorrow, and I reply, certainly, but I won't be able to do that adjustment tomorrow either, and I thank her as she leaves.

What I love about this is that she, much like Customer A, claims to have called the store before hand to verify the legitimacy of her transaction, and claims that she was told that everything would be alright. The problem is that there's a huge difference between, "I recently purchased an item and now it's $10 cheaper, can I come in and get a refund for the difference?" and "I purchased an item 3 weeks ago and now it's $10 dollars cheaper, however, I used a $25 off $25 purchase coupon, so I basically didn't pay for anything, and you'd actually just be paying me $10 for the privileged of having me as a customer." Similarly, I'm sure the average person can spot the difference between, "I have a book, and the receipt, am I able to return it?" and "I bought a book over 9 months ago and I just stumbled across it and now I want to return it, is that ok?"

Now, this is only a small sampling of what I deal with every day. In addition to these today, I had multiple geriatrics that apparently can't find anything on their own, even when right in front of them, or have enormous signs emblazoned specifically with what they want clearly visible from everywhere in the store. I had a customer ask me to help them find an accessory for a product, however they weren't able to tell me what it was, or the model of the product they needed it for, or even what type it was. And many more. Just today.

I don't understand how most of these people find their way out of their homes in the morning.

Asteroids Watch

2008-12-17T20:33:00.003-06:00

Gaze upon another piece of nerd fashion hardware I want:

Apparently it works from a small accelerometer built into the watch. You twist your wrist, and move your ship, but it will also just play by itself the rest of the time.

Read about it at Boing Boing Gadgets.

Oh, it's the same guy that made the Pong Watch.

Update on the Disc Scritching...

2008-12-17T20:10:00.002-06:00

er... Scratching.

So, Kotaku today link a story from Edge regarding the great Microsoft disc scratching epidemic of the 21st century.

Says a representative for Microsoft, "While we have had some users contact us with concerns about scratched discs, it is much less than 1 percent of the total Xbox 360 user base."

That's right, less than 1% according to Microsoft. Of course, 1% of millions is still tens of thousands, however, I have to side with Microsoft on this one (as I'm sure you guessed from the tone of my last post).

The representative goes on to say, "Xbox 360 is designed so that it will not damage a game disc as long as the console is not moved while the disc is spinning. Too much movement of any game console, not just Xbox 360, can cause scratches on a disc."

Now, I have say, as Kotaku pointed out at the end of their post, if a disc is scratched because you moved the console while the disc was spinning after being told not to, is it really Microsoft's fault?

Of course, this age we live in means that even explicit instructions can be ignored and still result in recompense, so I won't claim that there's no case against Microsoft, being stupid is, unfortunately, a reason for people to get paid (bearing in mind that Microsoft's policy is to replace the damaged discs).

Hooray for litigation.

Not only is MC Hammer doing something...

2008-12-17T19:38:00.003-06:00

but people seem to care. Joystiq is running a story about MC Hammer because he's apparently involved in a project with Activision.

They cite his Twitter page:

First: "I got one day to recover, then it's LA to Activision to get a glance of a top secrete[sic] project."

A day later: "Activision was fantastic ... action!"

So, from this, they've deduced the following: MC Hammer is still working professionally, and second, that he's involved in some sort of secret project (hopefully not a secreted project) with Activision.

I have to zero in on a completely different angle to this: MC Hammer is still somehow relevant. I'm not entirely sure how, being that I assumed he'd completely faded into obscurity over a decade ago. However, his 12,000+ followers seem interested in his activities. Moreover, Joystiq, a reputable news source to be sure, seems to be interested in reporting this gem.

Perhaps they, like me, have succumbed to morbid curiosity. What could Activision possibly want from the mostly defunct rap artist? Is this a glimpse at a new Guitar Hero? Guitar Hero: 80's Rap Edition?

Who knows. I suppose it's possible we'll find out eventually. When we do, you can be sure I more than likely spout off some opinion about it.

Panasonic Remote is Physical Entandre Embodied

2008-12-16T18:14:00.002-06:00

First of all, I know that title doesn't really make sense.

I'm all about interesting and unique design. This item certainly qualifies, although in a really unusual manner.

Next Nature shows us a remote concept that is, well, creepy. Next Nature talks about things like 'human-product relationships' and 'A remote is the ideal meaphor for the disturbance electronic distration poses to life.'[sic].

Personally, I don't know about metaphors and relationships as they relate to rubber remote controls that become excited by your imminent touch. Still, I suppose it would be interesting to have.

The Xbox Disc Scandal!

2008-12-15T19:18:00.003-06:00

First - Apparently there's some ways you can cause damage to Xbox 360 game discs while it's in your console. Back in 2005, Joystiq was annoyed about some problems with the Xbox 360 console. So annoyed they felt they should make a list, and the damage to the discs made that list in the number 8 spot.

Second - here's a report about a class action lawsuit due to damage to Xbox 360 game discs. Back in 2007, people were up in arms about the occasional damage to their video games.

Finally - Microsoft apparently knew about the the problem early on, and that means they are bad. Apparently they knew, and rather than spend millions to fix the problem, they chose to spend less on just adding information to the user manual that told customers not to do anything to move their console while in use, and then replace discs that were damaged in this manner.

Here's the problem, I've used electronics for many years. I've used optical disc drives in some capacity or another for most of those years. Without ever having read anything to lead me in this direction, I've always assumed that portable devices are meant to move around to some degree, while non-portable devices are not.

I understand that a majority of the problems seems to come from people shifting the orientation of their Xbox's while in use. To me, this seems like simple physics. Two thin layers of plastic sandwiching a thinner layer of pitted aluminum spinning at unnatural speeds should be left to its own.

I remember the sound it would make when I would jostle my old portable CD player, and the scratches that my discs would sustain during the process. I know the scratches that my CDs would sustain in the my car deck when I'd hit a particularly bad pothole or go over a speedbump a bit to quickly.

Why then, does this seem so unbelievable to people?

I understand being frustrated if the problem stems from someone running around too near to the console, but still, I can't say I'm remotely surprised. It seems like most of the people writing and talking about this are acting as though this is completely unacceptable, and you should be able to play hackey sack with the console while in operation and suffer no ill effects.

Statements like this are baffling:

"I regularly move my laptop while its hard disk and DVD drives are spinning, and no damage has occurred yet."

You can't compare the two, they're completely different animals. Besides the obvious differences in the design of the drive, I can't remember of time that I carried my laptop around while the drive was in motion that I wasn't careful throughout the process. Perhaps I'm alone in this, and most people burn DVD Movies while defragmenting their hard drives and using their laptops for a rousing game of four sqaure...

I've completely lost my train of thought.

Anyway, I've probably made my point. I don't really remember. I'm going to back to recovering from surgery.

Bush vs. Shoe - The Flash Game...

2008-12-15T18:35:00.003-06:00

Alright, either the folks over at Enterprise are either very efficient in the ways of Flash-fu, or they are truly seers and prophets.

Less than 24 hours after the now infamous Iraq Press Conference Shoe Dodging Incident, they have created a Flash game about it. Bush's Boot Camp is a terrible game, but it gets points for speed.

I will say, I'm amazed that the guy was able to get not one, but two shoes off before anyone (but the president) reacted. I'm guessing the secret service's interest in the president's safety is directly tied to his approval rating. I will also say that I am also amazed by the President's reaction time.

Cantor Exchange

2008-12-14T21:57:00.004-06:00

Alright, I believe in a free market, and I believe in stock and trading, but I have to say that this seems a little far fetched to me.

Cantor Exchange -
(A warning, the site is poorly designed. It looks like they didn't publish their flash movie correctly, and they have it embedded in a fixed width table at 1280 pixels wide that will really wreak havoc in many people's browsers.)

"For the first time ever, entertainment professionals, traders and movie lovers alike can hedge and speculate on the ticket sales of Hollywood blockbusters. With real-time quotes and 24-hour trading, Movie Box Office Contracts on the Cantor Exchange will give traders a chance to experience a stake in movies based on a film’s box office performance."

They are proposing that we trade movies like the futures market. I understand it, but at the same time, I really don't. Sure, we all knew The Day the Earth Stood Still was going to do pretty well in the the box office, just like we know that Doubt would not. Even though, without having seen either of them, I know that Doubt is likely a superior movie to The Day the Earth Stood Still on almost every levels (except as having a terrible lead actor in a remake of an already terrible movie).

Anyway, I'll keep an eye on this. I'm curious to see if they get approved, and if they do, how it works out. I'd like to think that I could do fairly well on the movie market, but I feel like even a chimp could predict box office draws these days.

Pangolin = Cute

2008-12-14T21:47:00.002-06:00


	Alright, what you need to know is this: these things are cute. I want one. Read about 'em. Read more.

Grippity

2008-12-14T21:24:00.003-06:00

Alright, I meant to post about Grippity when I first read about the device's prototype back in November.

When I saw the picture, I was initially intrigued. Then I read the article:

"We don't have a ton of detail about the apparently patented design, other than the fact that it's not yet in production, but the makers expect it to cost about $1,000 once available."

I was immediately repulsed, scared, and a little hurt. The concept is interesting, but $1000 for a keyboard, no matter what it does, is just silly.

So, I was going to post about it, but time got away from me, and I didn't get to rant about it. Earlier this month, however, I got some good news:

"The final unit is expected in about six months, and should retail for $100."

Somewhere between the first report and this one they found a way to shave $900 off the price tag. That, or perhaps they really just didn't know how much things cost and decided to throw a number out there.

Now, this negates my initial impressions a bit... I have mixed feelings about this thing. It's a keyboard, but, it really doesn't look like it's laid out intuitively... you use it with only 4 fingers, and while I know sheer math doesn't pan out this way, it seems like losing the use of 2 digits in the typing process would make it less efficient, even if you add the mouse to the unit. Finally, wouldn't holding the keyboard all day make cause you to exert a lot more effort than just laying your hand on your desk?

If the price tag pans out, and it becomes available to me, I might have to give it a try. Perhaps.

A little more holiday cheer.

2008-12-14T19:14:00.004-06:00

So, what we've got here is pretty self explanatory. It's a table full of images. Enjoy.

Of Macy's and Santa

2008-12-08T17:02:00.006-06:00

Well, as is the annual way of doing things, I've had my kids play hooky from school to take them to see the Macy's Christmas display at their 8th Floor Auditorium in Downtown Minneapolis. This year's theme is A Day in the Life of an Elf.

After, we went to Ridgedale Mall in Minnetonka to see Santa.

I have to admit that this year's display was better than I expected. I didn't have high hopes for this one for some reason I can't quite put my finger on. It was, however, cute, if not a little shorter than usual.

It's amazing, every year, because it seems I'm not the only parent making this decision. There are always a lot of children. I think it has a lot to do with being a single parent, I don't have my children on the weekends, just during the week, and when they have school, it limits the things that that I can do with them.

Anyway, here's some pictures.

Where's the snow?

2008-12-08T16:02:00.002-06:00

So, I had heard today that we're supposed to see some snow today. It's not snowing here yet, so I thought I'd look at the map to see where it is...

I live in that middle void.

32 Below Freezing

2008-12-07T02:04:00.001-06:00

First point: It's 0 degrees. That's 32 degrees below the freezing mark, depending on how you keep score.

Second point: That means it's really cold.

Third point: I would really have preferred to have not been outside in the cold.

Fourth point (Having nothing to do with the first three): While normally finding the stuff from collegehumor.com pretty hit or miss, the Google Reader Blog listed jakeandamir.com as a 'pick', and having chortled at Hardly Working in the past, I though I'd give it a spin.

Fifth point (relating entirely to the previous point): Over the last few days I've watched every single one... while sad, I'm ok with it. Funny is funny, and clocking in under 2 minutes each (with only a handful of exceptions), they're good for a quick laugh too.

Sixth point: I'm tired. Later.

It should be dark....

2008-12-05T22:40:00.003-06:00

Seriously, it should be, being after 10 o'clock at night...

Maybe I'm just crazy.

Apple recommending Anti-virus software?

2008-12-02T17:14:00.005-06:00

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

For many years, Apple and their lackeys have been spouting off about Mac OS X's security and stability, which is, of course, complete fallacy, but it makes them feel good. On average, Mac OS X actually crashes with almost identical frequency, and on release, Vista was shown to have fewer security vulnerabilities than any Mac OS X release to date (worse, Apple is slow to patch those threats, and often just won't because they don't think they need to).

Another commonly spouted pile of rubbish regarding Mac OS X is that they don't need anti-virus software, because they're more secure.

No. Sorry. And even Apple is quietly recommending anti-virus software.

The difference between Mac OS X and Windows, really, is that Windows use is substantially more prevalent. They run on the same hardware, and use many of the same conventions. Virii for the Mac is rare not because Mac OS X is a better operating system, but because there's been basically no point in writing them. If you're trying to hurt people, or make money, why target a vast minority?

If a terrorist wanted to hurt the U.S., they're probably not going to do much damage by setting off a cherry bomb in Puerto Rico, are they?

Here's the deal. I use Windows, and I really don't have much against Mac OS X except I'm more comfortable in Windows, and prefer an environment that I have more control over.

I think it important to note, as I've done before. I don't hate Apple, or Macs. I hate the people that put Apple and Macs on ridiculous pedestals. Mac OS X is not perfect, nor is it superior to Windows. They both have their pros and cons.

Transporter 3

2008-11-30T22:44:00.002-06:00

I'm not going to say it was good for what it was. I am going to say that it was not as bad as I thought it would be.

I've read reviews that said that this movie was terrible, and that they should just have stopped with the second installment.

I disagree.

As far as I'm concerned, they can just keep making them. They're simply good fun.

This film has all the things you want from an action flick, specifically, action, arguably the most important ingredient. The story is rather throw away, being that it revolves around an environmental treaty, the Ukraine, or maybe Uzbekistan, I don't really remember, is being pressured to sign a treaty that will allow some organization to dump toxic waste in their country, probably. Anyway, a diplomats daughter is kidnapped, and Frank, our intrepid hero is wired to explode should he get too far away, and is forced to drive really fast, get into exotic suit-centric fights, and finally sleep with his lovely cargo.

These things all go into the plus column. The driving, which you'd expect being a movie about a professional driver going about his business. His Audi (black, with chrome accents, like nearly every other vehicle in this car) is, in no uncertain terms, beautiful. The fights scenes in this film are well crafted, if not as visceral as those in the last installment, or perhaps the Bourne series. He does, however, show his ability to not only wear his suits well, but put them to good use as weapons. Then we come to his beautiful cargo, who I must point out is an absolutely rare beauty, and is the perfect final ingredient for the recipe.

There are some negatives, obviously the story doesn't stand up to close scrutiny. Even though the films fight choreographer is the same man that worked in the first two, this film features much less martial art. The fact that he's tethered to his car isn't used as well as you might expect, in that there's no use of it during the fight scenes, which play out much like they did in previous films, just in less abundance, and there's surprisingly little actual fast driving.

However, it's still good fun, and, as I said, was far better than I'd expected. I recommend it to anyone that enjoys a good action movie.

Besides, there's not a lot of other choices in the theaters right now... You've got Baz Luhrman's sickly sappy-looking Australia, 14 Cartoons, and teen girl's sexy Harry Potter, Twilight.

Gears of War 2 - Semi-final Thoughts

2008-11-30T22:15:00.003-06:00

I'm not sure whether I'm happy or angry about my experience with the last half of this game.

When last I talked about this game, I had mentioned that I was really frustrated with the first half of the game. I talked about the lame rail moments, the almost silly simplicity of the battles, and the fact that I almost didn't want to see the rest.

Thankfully, I did. Only because the last half of the game was farm more enjoyable. I finished the campaign with Mike yesterday, and he and I had similar thoughts: Why the hell wasn't the first half of the game as good as the last half.

Most of the battles of the last half of the game were much more fun than those of the first. The story was still fairly weak, although, unlike the second half of the first game, we knew why we were doing what we were doing, it was just for a really silly reason.

I will admit, though, that there was a moment in the game where I felt that they'd actually nailed a cinematic moment. It's not the sort of thing that you'd expect from a game like this, and if you play it, you'll know it when it hits you.

Admittedly, much of the 'camera' work in this game is much better than most, better than the first, although, like most games, they could really do with bringing on an actual director to help out. This is especially true with the GoW series, since they insist on showing you a cut scene for everything from major plot points to riding a platform down 8 feet. (I'm not making that last bit up, there is actually a cut scene that plays when you get on an elevator, it shows you going down about 8 feet, and the camera turns a bit. If done right, there might have been some value to it, but instead, it was just jarring and irritating.)

Now, I will say that the ending, especially the final 'boss battle', was unbelievably easy. We had actually completed the final battle, ready for the end, and it was a few seconds before we realized that it was actually over.

Still, from round about the middle of Act III to around the middle of Act VI there was a great deal of fun to be had. This leaves me with the question, why must we endure the first two and a half acts? I can't believe that the game couldn't be made so much better with some simple re-tooling. It's especially odd that those Acts, which are predominantly outside, could have been a great deal more fun if we'd been allowed to play in that environment the way Gears of War was meant to be played. I recall rolling by areas during rail-shooting portions that made we wish I could just get off the rails and enjoy them.

So, having enjoyed the last half of the game, am I willing to forgive the first half and recommend it as being a superior installment?

No.

No, I am not.

I've now logged a lot of hours playing the campaign, and plenty of hours playing Horde, and I'll say that they've made a lot of improvements to the title from the first that makes it more fun to play. Yet, I just can't condone the bad campaign mode. Had there been anything about the second half to the game that really blew me away, perhaps I'd be singing a different tune.

So, I'll make a compromise. I'll say that I will recommend the game to anyone that loves multiplayer, and gets their kicks from that. Anyone that will be valuing the game's price tag by the hours logged online playing various modes will love this game.

I, however, must base my opinion on the single player campaign, the mode that should be, by all rights and regards, the most polished and best that the game has to offer. Maybe that's wrong of me. Maybe I shouldn't be holding the single player campaign to such scrutiny.

But, that's my take on Gears of War 2.

I think that's it's worth noting that I have since played through Gears of War again. As usual, I thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish. Sure, it has it's quirks, and there's a few areas that frustrate me, but I still enjoyed it all the way through.

Gears of War 2 - Secondary Thoughts

2008-11-16T23:56:00.004-06:00

Mike swung by today for a couple hours, and we plowed through a bit more of the co-op campaign.

While my opinion largely remains the same, especially after playing through the horribly unintuitive Centaur driving chapter (which requires the left stick for forward and reverse and the right stick for left and right camera, and after aiming the camera, forward turns your vehicle in that direction) I can honestly say that there's been a bit more Locust fighting, finally, and that has the game redeeming some points.

It's not a lot, mind you, and being forced to watch cut scenes for what seems like hours when having to retry an area is just as brutal as ever. However, if they keep up with the Locusts, we might at least end the game on a better note.

For those following along, this is where we left off today:

It appears that this is the end of the third act, meaning that there are two more acts of gameplay, followed by act 6, which is most certainly the final battle (as done in Gears 1).

As I said, I'll keep everyone apprised.

I suppose it's worth noting that there's one big advantage to playing GoW2, and that's the fact that they throw achievements at you like they're going out of style. It's crazy, I've been playing GTA:IV for the last few months, and that game is extremely tight with the gamerpoints, in stark contrast to the Gears series that gives you achievments just for playing the game, and they come quickly. (I suppose it should be noted that GTA:IV gives points just for playing as well, but being that I've been playing that on and off for the last couple months and I'm only about 50% of the way through... there's some disparity).

Oblong's g-speak

2008-11-16T23:41:00.003-06:00

It's as close as we've seen to the interface seen in Minority Report.

It helps to watch the video to see what we're talking about.

After watching that, you can visit Oblong Industries.

I'm sure I really don't need to say much about this, except that it looks really cool.

Of course, I've heard plenty of people say that they really wish they had this sort of interface, but personally, I think it's great for spy / police movies, and looks great, but I imagine that it would get really tiring standing in front of the enormous screen and flailing your arms around.

I use a computer because it takes all the things I do, and puts it into one manageable space. Having to stand in front of a 100" screen and lifting, moving, and pushing objects around seems like so much more work.

Of course, that's just me.

And I'm not saying I wouldn't love an opportunity to try it out, and wouldn't turn these guys down if they wanted to install this into my home.

Ian Flemming's Jame Bond, 007, in Quantum of Solace

2008-11-16T09:27:00.004-06:00

I will make this fairly brief.

I didn't hate Casino Royale. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it. I really dig Daniel Craig as James Bond. However, he doesn't seem capable of expressing human emotion. Casino Royale was written pretty poorly to begin with, and the fact that he was meant to be a green around the gills rookie who makes some mistakes and falls deeply in love with someone was just not really conveyed well in that film. Add to this the fact that film is very disjointed and completely loses thread at points makes it pretty hard to watch.

That said, Quantum of Solace improves on this a bit. Not much. But a bit.

The action sequences in this movie are frenetic (my word of the day) and balanced really well with the right amount of camera shake and quick cuts. They feel much like scenes from the original Bourne movie, which is great since that is one of my favorite action flicks of all time.

The story has some holes in it, and while I deplore films that try and cram the plot down your throat, I also dislike movies like this that seem hell bent on almost keeping you in the dark.

There are a lot of components that seem completely unnecessary throughout this movie, and the pace is a little muddled.

It's a Bond movie, and I enjoyed watching it for the most part, but I think I'll be much happier when we get away from this story line and move on to something Daniel Craig a bit better at playing. I'm hoping that they'll do one more to wrap up the 'Quantum' storyline, and since we're past Vespa and her killer now, Daniel Craig's Bond wont need to have emotion anymore, and I think I'll be much happier watching.

If you like Bond, you should enjoy this for the most part.

Gears of War 2 - Initial Impressions.

2008-11-16T08:44:00.002-06:00

No, I haven't bought the game yet. (And for that, I'm actually glad) However, Mike brought his copy over yesterday and we logged about 7 hours of game play between Horde and Co-op.

Most of that time was spent playing about half-way through the main campaign, and I have to say that I've never been more disappointed from hype. Everything that I've heard about GoW2 is that the new campaign completely blows you away, and that it's so good, it'll make you never want to play the original game again. I'm having that exact opposite problem, I want to play GoW1 even more now than ever.

Here's an idea of why: several reviews I'd heard said that the first act of GoW2 (in the hospital) is a recall to the original GoW, playing much like the first game. Guess which part of the new game I enjoyed the most? That's right, the hospital.

Here are my problems:

There are not enough locust.

The original Gears was fun because you got to wade through locust like you would the swimming pool at the rec. center. It was brutal, it was maddening, it was frenetic, and hectic. There were a few minor breaks in the main game play, but for the most part it was a pretty standard pattern all throughout. The thing that really made it compelling was that, while very linear, you moved through the areas, and then found in an interesting to defend area, and then continued moving.

This game does not bother with this formula. Instead they give you much fewer enemies, 3 times the cut scenes, and a lot more gimmicky activity.

In Act 3, we hit an area where we needed to find our way into a building. We walked in the rain for about 10 minutes, passing a ton of really good cover which would be really fun to fight locusts from, but there was nothing to fight. When finally we encounter enemies, all they are is Wretches, which are the worst enemies in the game because they can be downed in a few shots, and just bum rush you, breaking the fun of the duck and cover fighting system.

They still haven't fixed the broken checkpoint system.

In the first gears, there were some points where it was hard enough that you'd die a few times trying to get through an area, and you'd be forced to restart at the beginning of a checkpoint. The problem is that the checkpoints are always triggered right before everyone sticks their fingers to their ears (and temples and backs of their heads as walking seemed to move their hands around) and listen to a series of long and unskippable dialog.

In most cases, having to go through that over and over in an already frustratingly difficult area could really break the flow of game a bit.

GoW2 seems to take this problem and actually make it worse. Of course, hardcore seems much easier, so death isn't as common, but there's a terrible example of this at the beginning of the second act (or end of the first, maybe it's hard to tell now as they don't list what the actual act and chapter numbers are now as you move through the story). In this area, you're on top of what amounts to a big rolling oil rig, a terrible vehicle in concept because there's no place that you're inside and armored, but instead you stand in the open on a huge platform, on which there only 1 mounted machine gun. You are tasked with shooting down Nemecyst mortars, which are big round projectiles that change course in the air quickly while heading toward your rig, after which, you are supposed to shoot down a Reaver, which is a big flying locust with locusts on it's back. Sadly, it took us a couple tries to figure out that you just have to take out the Reaver's crew, and not actually the Reaver (which seems counter intuitive since it is a sentient being and seems like it should need a crew on it's back to keep it from just exploding, but that's how the game works).

If you fail in those tasks, you're forced to sit through about a minute of first person cut scene, where scripted evens have to take place and you cannot skip it to get to the fighting.

Levels you think, "I'm glad I don't have to play that again..."

The first GoW had a lot going for it. Even the most difficult levels had me saying, wow, that was tough, yet I could see myself going back and playing it again, trying to better my score. This Gears, however, has the opposite effect. Challenging areas are making me feel relieved that I'd never have to play them again.

That's just wrong. I should feel that way about a game... especially not Gears of War 2.

I know I'll be playing through the co-op with Mike at least one more time (so he can get the co-op achievements on his console too), but in all honesty, I think neither of us are really looking forward to it. Not like the first Gears where there were points when we actually talked about wanting to play through an area again on another play through, this game has us almost dreading just finishing it the first time.

What does this mean?

I don't hate the game. I should be honest about that, I really don't hate it. It's Gears of War 2, and I dig that. But with all the hype that the campaign has gotten, such as quotes like, "it will ruin Gears of War 1 for you, I never want to play the first game again, the second is so good!" I feel like punching those reviewers, because this game has actually made me want to pick up the controller and go back to the first Gears all the more.

I will say that Horde is a ton of fun, and I will probably pick this one up soon simply to play Horde online with my friends, and there are other multiplayer aspects to the game that certainly make it worth owning. I'm just very disappointed so far with the campaign, and expected a lot more out of it.

I'm sure I'll be back with an update on some final thoughts once we've beaten the second half of the campaign. Perhaps something will happen to make it all worth while. But I doubt it.

New Car

2008-11-02T16:06:00.005-06:00

Well, yesterday I took Mike so he could find a new car. We were having trouble finding something that fit his needs, and then I found this, which fits my needs and my price range. So, I sold Mike my car, and I bought this thing. It was under Blue Book value, and runs amazingly well, and is immaculate.

It's a '97 Buick Park Avenue with 130,000.

Låt den rätte komma in

2008-10-30T00:04:00.002-05:00

Mike hipped me to a Swedish film Låt den rätte komma in (Let the Right One in) releasing in theaters here in the U.S. Unfortunately, it's not releasing widely, so I will be forced to head to the Lagoon Cinema in Uptown (Mpls.) to view this:

This looks amazing. It's not hitting Minneapolis until November 14th, which means I'm stuck waiting, and trust me, I've tried finding it through 'other means' which thus far has not panned out so well.

Like so many other foreign films that are amazing, or even mediocre but at least unique, this one is being Americanized by Matt Reeves, of Cloverfield fame. Perhaps he won't ruin it...

Pumpkin Day

2008-10-29T23:30:00.003-05:00

So it was, on Monday, that I loaded up the kids and we headed to the local Pumpkin Patch (in this case, it's a farm in Dayton, MN, a neighboring city that has somehow managed to avoid losing it's vast fields of farm land even as every city around it has grown significantly over the years), and on this outing I took some pictures. This is a handful of those. They should tell the story well enough.

Good times.

No.

2008-10-26T12:32:00.001-05:00

Today is, officially, the first snow I've seen this season. I'm simply just not ready for it. It isn't that I don't like snow, I just don't like the seemingly enending season of it in this state. The sooner it starts, the longer it seems to stick around.

I've been putting off putting tires on my car, but it seems I'll really need to get on that.

The worst thing about the snow though, is that Minnesota drivers seem to completely forget about driving in the snow. And even this light dusting that's falling, which has the same basic effect of being a light rain, seems to throw people into a panic.

Good Old Games

2008-10-25T17:58:00.002-05:00

http://www.gog.com/

This is another great idea I wish I would have had...

It's simply brilliant. Not satisfied with the argument of DRM vs. No-DRM music, and the almost silly number of websites devoted to letting you download music and movies for a nominal fee, these guys decided it would be a good idea to create a website that offers DRM-FREE VIDEO GAMES!

It's brilliant. And their prices seem more than reasonable. They have a solid selection of classic titles.

In my opinion, this is what GameTap should have been.

Good Old Games is in Public Beta now, so you can go buy games now!
Be warned, Beta means that they're not confident enough to call it all done, so you may have problems, and then you can tell them what's wrong so they can fix it. They have been in Closed Beta for a while, and that seems to have gone well enough that they're opening everything up, so I wouldn't worry about it too much, but it's worth mentioning to those that might not have the constitution for it.)

The Unfinished Swan

2008-10-25T17:51:00.003-05:00

Nedwards thinks this is neat:

Now, I'll agree with him on principle, but I can't imagine playing this game for very long. See, when I look at something that is different than has been done before, I often find that there's a reason it hasn't been done. Usually because it's just not good or interesting or worth the time it takes to make and play.

A good exception to that, of course, is Portal. (The new version of which I recently got on Xbox Live Arcade and have been enjoying immensely.) In this case, I'm not sure what to make of it. Apart from the annoying sounds the gun makes, and the fact that there seems to be nothing more to do than to wander around, trying to find your way from point a to point b, presumably without dying, the draw seems limited to me.

Now, being a Tech Demo, and being that I've done absolutely no research on the game beyond this video, maybe there's going to be more to it.

If that's the case, then it might be worth another look... and in that case, I would suppose it would show up in one of my many RSS feeds I waste my time on. Should that happen, I'll tell you what I think about it.

Mail Googles

2008-10-25T17:41:00.004-05:00

Ahh, brilliance has reared its ugly head again, presenting us with the greatest add-on for the serial drunk-dialer in all of us.

Mail Goggles.

This nifty Google Labs entry kicks in late at night, right around the time you're done drinking, and begin thinking about that girlfriend that left you three years ago, or perhaps the one you kicked out for shooting heroin with your kids. After writing up, in as many words as you can muster, all the ways that you love her and want her back, and you hit send, a nifty screen pops-up to verify that you really should be sending that email.

If you fail, you're told to go to bed, and your message is saved for something to laugh at when you sober up.

Other uses: preventing you from emailing the boss about his 'micro-management skills', telling your buddy about your night (by way of your mother's email address), and submitting pictures of your genitals, by email, to anyone, anywhere, for any reason.

Of course it only works with GMail, but it's certainly another good reason to get you some GMail.

Bullet Proof Polo Shirt...

2008-10-25T17:25:00.003-05:00

Sure, it's dress casual, but it stops a 9mm round from punching through you. Does that make it worth $12,000? Probably not, since a standard Kevlar (and other) vest runs for a fraction of that, and would make me feel a bit safer, and with that, you can wear whatever your want over it. However, you want to pick this up, hit up Miguel Caballero's (terrible) website. He's got plenty of 'security fashion' to choose from.

Perhaps it makes more sense if your the iron fisted dictator of some war-torn nation with your citizen's knickers in a bunch... but maybe it's time to live a little, and buy some fashions that will keep you safe on the rough and tumble streets of Suburban Colorado.

Dead is Dead in Dead Space

2008-10-25T17:12:00.003-05:00

Someone was kinda enough to post a video with, more or less, all the ways in which your character can die in Dead Space.

It's satisfying on so many levels... especially weighing in at a hefty eleven minutes long. 3:28 is the best, by far.

My Apologies...

2008-10-13T11:48:00.001-05:00

It seems that I have to do this on a regular basis, but, I have to apologize for my lack of updates of late. I've been very busy, and while I have plenty to blog about, I just haven't had time to put fingers to keyboard. (I wonder of that turn of phrase will actually be a replacement for the old "put pen to paper" or if something more apt will come about...)

I've actually been planning to make a few changes here in the near future... Such as the header image and some layout things. Of course, it's all dependant on the amount of time one has.

Meanwhile, I think it worth noting that this year's Autumn has been rather disappointing so far. At least to me. I know we've still got time for leaves and things... But it is running out.

Oh well.

The Plot Thickens...

2008-10-06T21:25:00.002-05:00

So, it seems, the whole Penguin Game, Let's Tap, or whatever the hell it is, now has a trailer, which is supposed to show how it can be played by a penguin... I guess.

An Aquarium... for a sink?

2008-10-02T10:15:00.003-05:00

I'm torn.

I'm all for making aquariums in to useful and interesting things. I've seen it done plenty, and while I can't imagine ever buying most of them, I still see them every now and then and think, "Well, that's neat."

This, though, I don't know about. It certainly looks neat, but honestly, the bathroom sink is not a place for displaying anything. My sink, for example, is covered with dried toothpaste and little hairs from shaving. I imagine that, as watertight as they make this, with two little openings on the top, I'd manage to get a small amount of something in there to kill my fish.

In addition, how the hell can you clean this? I mean, as much as it seems like every aquarium on the planet is actually self cleaning, never suffers from a bit of filth, algae or scale, the truth is, I imagine that this $4700 aquarium would last you a maximum of 5 years before you'd tear it out, rather than suffer the disgusting look in there any longer.

Gizmodo Talks of Holodeck Technology...

2008-10-02T10:00:00.002-05:00

Alright, I have to admit that this technology has me a bit excited. It's the "Airborne Ultrasound Tactile Display".

In plain Engrish, we're talking about a force field.

This is, to be honest, a pretty amazing first step toward building interactive holographic displays. It uses sound to create a touchable field, which, if combined with a holographic display, means you could, theoretically, be able to touch whatever was displayed.

Imagine a 3 dimensional apple you could hold, and, with the right combination of senors, could manipulate in 3d space, in real time.

It is similar, as most Star Trek geeks can attest, to the concept of how a 'holodeck' works on all modern iterations of the show. Just not quite on such a scale.

I can say, honestly, I never expected to see this sort of thing implemented in my lifetime. I've come to accept certain futuristic concepts as being possible, just beyond our limits, and this, to me, seemed like one of them. Of course, I still may never see this put into practice during my life, but with this breakthrough, maybe it won't be long before we're not going to movies anymore, but actually interacting with them, life sized, or, perhaps instead of mashing buttons on a pad, future gamers will actually need to learn to fight to be able to play a fighting game, and it will be done in a large room, with a holographic opponent.

Well, maybe that won't happen, the Wii has probably gotten gamers as far off the couch as their going to get for a long time.

The other end of this spectrum could be the military potential, if they can make a field strong enough to affect a piece of paper, could they make one strong enough to slow, or stop projectiles?

Penguin game is Let's Tap?

2008-10-02T09:56:00.003-05:00

Alright, recently I told you about a cryptic looking site for a game that claimed that even a penguin could play it...

Now, it seems that game, is called, Let's Tap, it will come out in December, has some really annoying music, and from the screenshots, looks well beyond what a penguin could handle.

I was hoping, with such a bold claim of penguin friendly gameplay, that we'd see something new, and different. It appears, though, that this game will simply be another run-of-the-mill Wii mini-game fest.

Oh well. Mystery solved, I guess. Who says the Japanese are innovative?

Perhaps Google Calculator is still in Beta too?

2008-09-28T08:48:00.003-05:00

Alright, I'm not going to be honest and say that I can't really imagine working with numbers that large, but honestly Google's answer seems to be a bit off the mark...

Perhaps Google Calculator is still in beta? My fear is that if Google can't answer what appears to be a very straight forward question, can we really trust any answer it gives us? I'm sure there's some answer buried in talk of algorithms and large numbers and string theory that will explain this situation... even it it won't make sense.

Speaking of Beta, though, it seems someone else has noticed that almost half of Google's products are still in Beta. I've mentioned it before, that it seems everything Google is still beta, but obviously I don't have the pull to get a response from Google. At least, I never really tried, simply expecting that I wouldn't ever get a response. This guy did get a response, though:

"We have very high internal metrics our consumer products have to meet before coming out of beta. Our teams continue to work to improve these products and provide users with an even better experience. We believe beta has a different meaning when applied to applications on the Web, where people expect continual improvements in a product. On the Web, you don't have to wait for the next version to be on the shelf or an update to become available. Improvements are rolled out as they're developed. Rather than the packaged, stagnant software of decades past, we're moving to a world of regular updates and constant feature refinement where applications live in the cloud."

So, according to the spokesman, they have very high internal metrics to measure their products, and applications on the web are different than traditional software...

What I have to wonder about here is Gmail, which has been in Beta for 4 years now. High internal metrics or not, there's really no excuse for it at this point. There's not been a new feature added, or any noticeable change or improvement for about a year. Perhaps I've been lucky, perhaps there are many issues going on that they are fixing, problems other people are having, that I am not.

Still, it seems like they could the Beta tag off before they reach an entire presidential term...

Certainly, some of their products deserve a beta label (Chrome, anything from Labs, Knol, etc.), but Orkut, Gmail, Docs, and the like really need to be set free of their beta shackles.

Disbarred!

2008-09-26T22:25:00.003-05:00

Alright, I'm sure that most gamers have heard this already, but Jack Thompson has been disbarred! I have a mixture of feelings about this, simply because I despise the man and all of his methods, but the I think Tim at Ctrl-Alt-Del summed it up nicely:

If I may interject into all of the "Ding dong, the witch is dead" chanting, I just wanted to put a little perspective on Jack Thompson's disbarment.

As much as you may "hate" Jack Thompson, it should be important to remember that he was not disbarred for speaking out against video games. We as gamers have not won any significant battle here against the idea, the belief that video games are the root of all society's ills. Jack Thompson was disbarred for the way he presented his opinions, in a blustering, overly sensationalist and irresponsible manner.

So yes, while this may be a blow to his credibility and hamper his tools as an anti-video game violence advocate, I sincerely doubt this will silence him. And there are plenty more lawyers and politicians out there just like him.

Though you may want to envision Jack Thompson as the figurative "head" of the anti-video game sentiment, and that that head has just been decapitated, try to keep in mind that he was just one particularly vocal appendage of a many-limbed beast.

I agree here. I would like to go a step further and state that I believe that this is not only not the end of the anti-video game sentiment, but I really don't think we've heard the last of Jack Thompson. Just because the man is no longer allowed to practice law, it doesn't mean that he won't still get plenty of air time with the media.

Sure, he's been punished for breaking the law, for abusing his position, and for being a complete ass. That doesn't mean that he's been silence, it also doesn't mean that he's going to back down from his position, and now that he's no longer concerned about disbarment, I'm sure he'll actually no longer feel compelled to censor himself at all, which means he could be, if anything, even more viscous than ever.

People like this, completely off the mark and out of touch with reality, make me feel so much pity. I have no problem with an opposing opinion, and I respect differing perspectives, but this man takes it to such an extreme, spewing lies, skewing facts, repeating misinformation, and just being wrong. How someone can behave as he does, even spitting in the face of people who try to support his position when they point out his mistakes and errors, in the hopes of keeping themselves looking sane, I just don't understand.

Either way, he got what he deserved, he brought it on himself, and while a part of me feels sorry about his losing his ability to practice law, that part is so very infinitesimal that it is completely overshadowed by my smug chuckle and general feeling of happiness over his getting his just desserts.

The Silver Wolf Full Metal Rubber Band Gun

2008-09-26T22:13:00.003-05:00

I have never wanted a rubber band gun more in my life.

I recall, when I was younger, seeing the wooden rubber band guns at the State Fair, or at those little kiosks in the malls, and even, from time to time, at a random gift shop at some side of the road attraction. I can't remember for sure, but I may even had owned one for a short time, before it broke, if not, I'm sure I knew someone that had one, because I've used one, and it was good.

This thing, compared to the cheap wooden guns of my youth, is absolutely amazing! I wish I could read Japanese, so that I could find out more. It combines the greatness of Metal Gear Solid and the awesomeness of a solid metal rubber band gun.

I Understand Teasers...

2008-09-22T21:20:00.002-05:00

But this, however, seems to go too far.

Seriously, apparently the creator of Sonic the Hedgehog is working on a new game, called Prope, perhaps; according to this odd little flash animation, it will be the first game that even penguins can play.

Ok. I have to admit that my curiosity is piqued, but I just can't see it possible that anyone could create a game that could be played by a penguin, setting aside the possibility of their ability to control a game with their flappy wings and webby feets... I don't see how there could be a game that a penguin could understand.

So, setting aside all doubts of whether or not a penguin could physically, or mentally, play a video game, would such a game really be worth playing? I mean, let's consider for a moment, moving past the amazing claim of a game that a penguin could play, and ponder what such a game would look like. How could such a thing hold your attention?

Of course, the only problem with this is that my limited attention span will likely not have me checking back to see what it's all about. I can only hope that one of my news sources will stay on top of it for me.

A Glorious Time to be Alive!

2008-09-21T11:18:00.002-05:00

So, I purchased something on a lark at Costco recently, and I've just now decided to give it a try. Organic Batter Blasters.

This is pancake batter in a can, not unlike whipped cream...

Wow.

Not only is it insanely convenient, and makes me feel like I'm living in some sort of sci-fi Utopian future, but they're also really tasty.

Hooray for science!!

WOW!

2008-09-20T22:22:00.003-05:00

Alright, the lame, and overused pun, in today's title is probably going to negate anything witty I might have to say, but still, I hope you'll read on.

There's a story on Wired yesterday with a title that I needed to read twice: "Bejeweled, Warcraft Combine to Form World's Most Addictive Game"

For a moment, I assumed that this was simply some kind of joke, and then imagined, for a moment, a game of Bejeweled where gems are replaced with Orc heads. Then my eyes wandered to the screen shot, and I was suddenly filled with a plethora of feelings... mostly disgust, intermingled with pity.

The concept here is that someone created a plug-in, or add-on for World of Warcraft that allows you to play of game of Bejeweled during tedious or mundane tasks.

Really?

World of Warcraft is one of the biggest time-wasters on the planet, and people pay for it, in many cases addicted to it. Bejeweled, by a similar token, ranks fairly high as a worthless time waster, and people will play it, like so many other 'casual games', instead of working, looking for work, feeding their kids, etc. So, now there's actually someone that's actually taken an enormous time-vortex and crammed it into another time-eater? Isn't that like taking uppers and, instead of downers, but more uppers at the same time?

I want to be clear on the understanding here. First, there's tasks built into WoW that are so mundane, that people are actually looking for something to do at the same time? If that's the case, the game ceases to be a game, and just becomes work, doesn't it? Alright, so, with that said, instead of listening to the little voice that says, 'hey, this is boring, go outside, find a girlfriend, and stop living inside this game!', people are actually bringing casual gaming inside of WoW (much like running Bejeweled in your cubicle, at work)?

I feel so sorry for these people. I'm sure I'm not the right person to feel pity for pretty much anyone, and I'm almost certain that I would, with my addictive personality, find myself deeply buried inside of WoW, had I ever succumbed to its wiles. However, I can't help myself here. This is so pathetic, and laughable, I still can't believe it's not actually a joke.

Maybe it's time to get all the WoW players together and have an intervention. I'm sure we can get of them into a nice 12 step program, and have them well in no time.

Since I'm on the subject, though...

I suppose I might as well mention another WoW article that had me checking the calendar to be certain it wasn't actually the first of April: "Pentagon Researcher Conjures Warcraft Terror Plot".

Hard as it is to believe, Wired felt this belonged in the "Danger Room", as opposed to games. The simple concept here is that the oxymoron of American Intelligence has actually gone as far as to study the concept of terrorists using a virtual world, like World of Warcraft, to plot and plan future terrorist attacks.

I'm not even sure how to approach something like this, at least not without just laughing derisively. Even with all the maps and descriptions of how it could be done, it just seems so asinine. Do we really expect Bin Laden to get his cadre of criminals together on a server and train them to drop a nuke on the White House?

I'm sure we have nothing to worry about, as I see one of two things might happen. Either we're see a huge drop in terrorist activity around the world, as Al-Qaeda members cease functioning as cells of suicide bombers and drug / gun runners, and instead begin to build up their guild, farming for gold and items, and launching a Jihad on the Horde.

That, or they'll be too busy playing Bejeweled, and just won't be listening to the plan.

Righteous Kill

2008-09-19T22:57:00.002-05:00

When it comes to Righteous Kill, there is really nothing surprising about the movie at all.

Al Pacino and Robert De Niro are great actors. There's no one that can deny that, and of course, in this film, they give incredible performances. Though they're both getting on in years, and it shows, the roles are written for that purpose, I'm sure with these two in mind. They fit perfectly into their character's shoes, but of course, you expect it from them.

Once you move past the stars, John Leguizamo and Donnie Wahlberg give good as well, and really, the entire cast show a kind of polish you'd expect from a movie of this type.

As to the story, I'll be honest, it's not exactly groundbreaking. When I say that there's nothing surprising, I include the entire narrative. If you're paying attention, during the first ten minutes, you'll more or less have the story pegged from the get go.

This isn't to say that the story isn't tight. It's still a well written piece, even if it doesn't break new ground, or take you on a truly twisting journey. I just find it disappointing, to see a movie that doesn't really push any limits, or do anything new. It's just there.

Still, it was an enjoyable movie. I didn't not like it, as a matter of fact, I enjoyed it. It has a comfortable feeling about it, perhaps because you feel like you've seen this movie before, or perhaps this episode of Law and Order. I recommend watching it, if you've enjoyed Pacino and De Niro's previous typecasting, because this will feel like a warm sweater and a bowl of beef stew on a cold winter's day (if you find that sort of thing comfortable).

Zune v.3

2008-09-17T22:06:00.003-05:00

Well, it came rather quietly. Not many are heralding the arrival of the new Zune update.

It is, however, a pretty slick update. Sadly, this is what the Zune should have been when it launched so long ago. However, the new features are here, and they're pretty slick.

On the software side of things, they've added even more options, things that are pretty useful. They've more tightly integrated their 'social' functions, and seemed to have sped up everything overall.

On the hardware side, they've added games. Yes, I know, games, but to me it's pretty cool. You get Hexic and Texas Hold 'Em for free, and overall, they're pretty slick, feeling pretty speedy and responsive.

You can also now peruse the marketplace right from the Zune via WiFi, which is a pretty great feature. At least, it will be for those that actually use the Marketplace, which I really don't, but I applaud them for getting it up and running. You can also now add the WiFi key right from the Zune, albeit in a very painfully slow way.

While some might think it's silly, I also like the fact that they've now added a clock to the corner as well.

Another interesting feature is that you can now add songs you hear while listening to the FM radio to your cart, which attempts to find the song through some crazy magic, and downloads it when you sync. Again, this would be useful if I bought music through the Marketplace, but it's still pretty slick.

Overall, I honestly think this how they should have launched. It's really too bad that it took them this long to really get things right, but still, it's better late than never. I'm most impressed, though, with their steadfast support of my ancient brick of a Zune 30. Most people might find the Zune to be a joke, but, really, I like my Zune, and I'm strongly considering pick up a 120 sooner, rather than later.

Burn After Reading

2008-09-13T23:55:00.002-05:00

Burn After Reading! Yes!

Admittedly, the Coen Brothers could write / direct an epic length movie entirely focused on ripping Band-Aids from the arms of hairy New Yorkers, and I would probably stand and applaud at the end (no, I don't actually approve of applauding movies in theaters, unless a member of the cast or crew are on hand to receive it). They really can do no wrong for me. So, with that, you can imagine that I enjoyed Burn After Reading immensely. (Thankfully, there was no bandage / hair interaction.)

This movie is great for many reasons. It's good to see the Coen Brothers return to the dark comedy, because they have such a penchant for it. There are laughs that are intelligent, not just site gags, there's gore that, even when you know it's coming, still manages to shock you. The story is solid enough to carry you from beginning to end, and it's threaded very well. The little details are always what make their movies so great, and in this, they don't forget that.

It's a lot of fun to see Brad Pitt play something other than Brad Pitt again. Don't get me wrong, I generally enjoy his movies, but the fact that he's capable of pulling off so many different characters isn't utilized as much as I think it should be. Fight Club and 12 Monkeys stand out, as does Snatch. In this, he's so off the wall, and, well, wacky, that you can't help but to love his character.

It's good to see Frances McDormand do something I find entertaining again. She's so good at what she does. John Malkovich does an incredible job, George Clooney certainly brings it in spades, and even Richard Jenkins proves again that he can pull of amazing work in a supporting role.

Now, I'll admit that this movie might be a little hard to swallow for people, following in the wake of No Country For Old Men. First, they're completely different styles. You simply can't compare the two, but if you were to try, you'd find that No Country is certainly the superior film.

I'll also admit that this is definitely not their best work. If you compare this film to Fargo, for example, you'll see some of the flaws. Certainly, there's some things about the movie that feel lax, lazy. I can't help but to feel like this movie was rushed in the hopes of getting a good reception by riding No Country For Old Men's coat tails.

However, I fully expect to see this movie up in at least a couple of categories at the Academy Awards. (Again, I'm sure the epic Band-Aid ripping movie would be an Acadamy pick as long as the Coen's had their names on it.)

Still, I can't extol enough the virtues of this movie. It's fun, witty, wacky, and simply a good time. It certainly expands the canon of the Coen's films in a positive way, and is very much worth the watch.

Pineapple Express

2008-09-13T23:23:00.003-05:00

No.

Pineapple Express isn't good. As a matter of fact, I'd barely recognize it as mediocre. It's really too bad, because I like Seth Rogen, I really do, but I like Seth Rogen in the background, in a supporting role, where he belongs. He's really not good enough at anything to carry a film in any way.

I've always found Judd Apatow movies hit or miss, often depending quite a bit on who stars, and what they do. I find that stories that are touching, and have characters that you truly like tend to hit for me (40 Year Old Virgin), while movies that exist simply to make Will Ferrell more money (Talladega Nights) generally miss their mark.

I have nothing against movies about stoners, really, I just don't usually find them all that funny. I think it's because most movies written about stoners are written by stoners while stoned, and as I understand it, being stoned makes even the most mundane seem hilarious. Reason follows then, that something written while being stoned, will not actually be funny. Pineapple Express, I think, stands as case in point.

Admittedly, I laughed a few times, but it was obvious from the pace of the movie, that I was supposed to be laughing a lot more. It seemed, though, that I wasn't the only one failing to find humor, as it seemed the normal roar of laughter one expects at a comedy was very much lacking. It wasn't just that the jokes weren't funny, they more often than not felt forced, were delivered poorly, or were simply just broken.

The story is also pathetic. I have no problem with comedy being over the top, breaking the rules, but it still has to either make sense, or work in the story. In this case, there was nothing.

Finally, I found that I just didn't care. There was nothing that happened in the entire film that made me feel like I should have any interest in the characters. They didn't matter, and were entirely throw away. You could have taken every situation out of the context of the film, and simply re-shot it using anyone off the street, and I would have had the same level of compassion about them.

No.

I'm done. I was sorely disappointed, and just can't recommend this to anyone. I fear that there may even be stoners baked out of their minds unable to find this anything but dismal. Don't think you've missed anything if you haven't caught this one.

Traitor

2008-09-13T22:44:00.003-05:00

I saw Traitor about a week ago, and really had almost nothing to go on. This was not a movie preceded with any sort of fanfare. Given the sheer volume of movies I watch, I was actually amazed that I couldn't recall a single trailer about the movie.

So, as usual, I went into the movie with some reservation, but trying hard to be open minded. I'll admit that the bar might have been a little high just because the star of the film is Don Cheadle, a man who has yet to let me down, when even in a bad movie, he still gives a great performance.

Thankfully, I wasn't let down.

The story is well written, and doesn't take too many liberties. It unravels at a decent pace, layers being peeled off one right after the other. The characters are both real and believable. You experience the majority of the film following Muslim Terrorists, and while the writer's personal opinions about the wrongs of their actions are clear, it doesn't sour the story.

There are some down notes, however. The direction is good, but not stellar. Some of the acting feels forced. The final scene, to me, fell a little flat. The story drags a long a bit in a few places. There are details in the third act, upon which the entire story depends, that seem a little far fetched.

The few flaws do not cloud the whole of what is a really good movie. No, it's not wall to wall action, but instead a cerebral tale that rather fulfilling. Overall, the reviews of Traitor have been very mixed, and to a degree, I can understand, but I really think this is one that shouldn't be missed, even if you wait until it hits video.

More Google Chrome Whining

2008-09-10T20:17:00.003-05:00

I thought I'd gotten all the complaining out of my system in my last post, but apparently not.

I discovered something else, while writing the last post about Chrome.

I destroys my task bar. I haven't even bothered to see if this is a common complaint among users, but rather, I'm simply writing the thing off for now. Perhaps when it's out of BETA (I'm guessing sometime around 2032), I will look into it again, or if they at least jump a few version numbers (not whole numbers, mind, just a few tenths is fine).

The problem that I'm having is that Chrome literally locks up my task bar, requiring me to restart explorer. I hadn't realized it at first, but I noticed it last night, did some testing, and while I don't know what's causing it exactly, I know that it's Chrome causing it.

I'm disappointed, to say the least.

But please, don't cry for me. I'll be alright.

Zero Shame-ctuation

2008-09-10T20:00:00.002-05:00

Alright, I'd like to be rather brief with this one, because I don't think it really deserves much attention, yet that's tempered with the fact that I feel the need to gripe.

This week's Zero Punctuation was about Too Human, and I can't begin to explain my excitement in the many ways in which he could tear this game apart. I clicked the link and was excited to see the video was over ten minutes long. I was miffed for a moment when the video started, telling me that it was being sponsored by Warhammer Online, which took up the first 5 seconds. I was upset, because I'm already unhappy about the crap they put at the end of thing, why would they need to add anything to the beginning.

What I'm talking about is the fact that The Espcapist has adopted the 'whore' method of making money. They dedicate their site, and everything on it, to whoever will give them the most money. This isn't bad, really, just annoying. I suppose brand recognition is the hope, but I tend to only notice it long enough to decide whether it's something I'd be interested in in the first place, and then just move on. For the last so many episodes, Zero Punctuation has been followed by some sort of advertising, whether for The Escapist, or whoever it is that's given them money. Usually we're talking about three minutes out of an eight minute video where I just close the browser tab and move on with my life.

Today, however, I found feeling profoundly upset. Yahtzee stops talking at four minute and thirty seconds, which means that, with his intro, it's less than four minutes of substance. Moreover, that means the advertising at the end of the video is over six minutes long!

To me, that's unacceptable. Apart from the fact that there's no chance he'll ever rip on Warhammer Online after all the money he and The Escapist are making from them. Apart from the fact that Too Human certainly merits substantially more tearing. That means that it's a 60/40 split on the advertising to video scale.

Imagine, if you would, that you entered the movie theater, and found that your hour and a half long movie was preceded by over an hour of trailers. Imagine that you're watching American Idol, or whatever pathetic television show is making waves these days, and during the hour that it's on, you watch 40 minutes of commercials and only 20 minutes of singing, or whatever they do.

No.

I'm not happy.

I preferred it better when Yahtzee's bit wasn't a filthy whore.

300

2008-09-08T21:20:00.006-05:00

Oddly, I'm not referring to the film 300 in the title, but rather, the fact that this is the 300th post to this blog. That's a lot of posts, I think. I had considered, briefly, the idea of making some sort of over-the-top sort of post, akin to dropping balloons on your 1,000,000th customer at the Super Market (how does one figure that out, I always wondered when watching movies and sitcoms that depicted such a thing). I decided, however, just to mention the fact that it is my 300th post, thank those of you that read (however few there are), and move on.

In this case, moving on means that you'll be reading a post regarding the frustration I'm feeling toward Google's Chrome. I've had time to think about things since I last posted about Google's new JesusBrowser. I still feel like Google can do no wrong in my book, yet, I feel that maybe they have.

I refer to the mouse scrolling issue.

This might seem minor, certainly, but it's a big deal to me. There are numerous fixes out there already, for others using different drivers, but nothing for me. Those fixes require you to update something, or remove something, or add Chrome to an exception list of some kind. I've seen fixes for people on XP and people on Vista, people with Dell Mouse Software, and people with Lenovo's. I've read them all, and done my own troubleshooting... But the bottom line is, it should just work, right?

Maybe I'd be telling other people to stop whining, and just move their fingers a few inches over and up to use the arrow keys. Maybe, if it weren't happening to me. But it is. The issue seems to affect primarily those using touch-pads, but also those using certain mouse drivers. It seems that Chrome has taken over the issue of scrolling, deciding that it needs to dictate what happens when I scroll up and down, demanding some different type of communication with the device than most other applications.

The problem is this: Why would you release a browser with this flaw? I mean, I understand that this issue isn't going to affect the majority of your users. However, the reason it's eating away at me is because I have to imagine there was someone involved in either the developing or the testing of Chromium, later Chrome, who must have been using a laptop of some kind (as almost all use Synaptics touchpads, and therefore are vulnerable to the same problems), and fired up the browser and said, with a silly sort of British affectation, "Oi, the damn thing won't scroll up!".

It can't be said they really didn't know about this from the get go. Then, to not list it immediately as a bug? Sure, they released an update today for some security issues, and those are certainly important, but isn't this important as well? (Hell, they fixed a problem that caused the entire browser to crash if you typed about:% into the address bar, not because it was a vulnerability, but because it was 'annoying'.) It has a dramatic effect on the usability of the browser. Sure, for years, I had no scroll wheel. I muddled through life at some point without a web browser, without Google to answer every question I have. There was a time that I had to type every command directly into a command line to make my computer work. Now, however, if I encounter a computer without a scroll wheel on it's attached mouse, I find myself almost flabbergasted. How can one survive without a scroll wheel?

Don't get me wrong, I've been disappointed by Google products in the past. Certain bugs, or flaws that seemed so glaring, so amazing that I could only shake my head in disbelief. This, however, seems... well... it just seems like it's too much. Something that should have been polished before release. I can forgive a page that doesn't render correctly, that's a given. I can forgive lack of customization this early on. I can forgive missing features, things that just haven't been implemented yet. But, for a company, that has released enough software at this point to have the basic functionality of a windows application figured out, to allow me to download and install a product in which I cannot scroll web pages (of course, I can scroll the options pages), it actually makes me mad.

I imagine they'll get it sorted out. I'm sure it won't be long before they do something about the problem, and I'll be able to happily use their product. However, it will be tarnished (and I really don't mean to make a Chrome pun there), because I'll know they brought it out far too early. Sure, it's my fault for expecting something better, because of course it's a beta. However, everything Google does is beta, and I'm really beginning to thing they either need to just completely re-brand themselves as GoogleBETA, or start releasing functional products, even with frequent updates, that don't need to hide behind the 'BETA' tag.

Still, I love Google, and I know they're just trying to do what they need to do to make the money that pays the people that do the things they're trying to do. But, it really seems like it's time for them to start owning up and just releasing things when they're ready, or at least near ready.

By the way, if I don't ever post again, you'll know it's because the Google™ Hit Squad(BETA) took me out, if not efficiently, at least eventually.

Do tell, Fortune Cookie, do tell...

2008-09-04T22:03:00.003-05:00

Well... it seems, according to the fortune cookie, that things are looking up! This is very good, as I'm sure I'm in need of things looking up.

...in bed.

The Guild - Season 2

2008-09-03T22:19:00.005-05:00

So, I went back, because I was trying to find when I'd posted about 'The Guild' here before, but after digging through posts for a while, I discovered that I hadn't. That seems odd, because I swear I spent time making the key clackity clack about it. It's also a shame, because it's great, and I think the world should be well aware of it. Not that they're likely to hear about it from me, but still...

The Guild is an online sitcom. Online shows are called webisodes, but I have such an aversion to the term, though, I can't really tell you why. I think it might be simply because I can't call an online show a 'webisode' as a whole, because the term webisode sounds like a single instance of said show. The problem is that we need a whole new classification of online shows, with fresh new terms that fit with better and diverge more from television...

Wow, that was some rambling.

Where was I?

Ah, yes, The Guild. It's an online show that is written by, and stars, Felicia Day. I recently talked about her when I posted about Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (which you can now watch again on the site, as opposed to YouTube. If you still haven't watched it, you need to remedy that immediately!). She's one of those people you see as being a real actress, yet in every way, she's a very real person. Clearly, she doesn't have the status and stature of the more untouchable sorts, but still, she seems like someone that would be awesome to hang out with. Which is, I assume, how she has such a cult following as people imagine her being approachable, real, and overall, just very cool (umm, third paragraph down on that link). (Come on, she actually runs The Guilds website (well, wordpress blog), seems to actually use Twitter and plays World or Warcraft (ok, I won't hold that one against her)).

Anyway, if you've been reading this post instead of checking out The Guild, you're doing it wrong. You need to go watch the first season, which is ten episodes, and will take you around 45 minutes to an hour to enjoy. It's funny. Very funny. There's also plenty of links that will take you to various other media that is also funny. You can also read the posts, and see how much the show has interacted with the fan community, which is also pretty fun to see as well. I'm tired of hyperlinking things, so, I'll just let you wend your way about the site yourself. You'll find the funny. It's good.

The point of this thing is that there's an interview with Felicia Day after her screening of The Guild at PAX on Joystiq, which reveals that filming of Season 2 is coming. You can just read the highlights, or can you listen to the whole thing, which is pretty entertaining overall, and lends credibility to my previous statements about her being a real person.

So, with Season 2 forthcoming, there's even more reason to get caught up on the lives of these sad sad MMORPG players. I'm sure you won't regret it. Probably.

(Ugh, I promised myself that I'd had enough PAX coverage crammed down my throat, and that there was no need to re-post any of it on here... then they go and tell me about season 2 of The Guild, and my plans were foiled!)

FADE IN:

2008-09-02T21:58:00.003-05:00

INT. APARTMENT

A BOYFRIEND sits with his long time GIRLFRIEND, who has been estranged from him for the last month, something he wants to remedy. They're conversation has stretched on for far too long for his liking, but, still he presses on. On the MP3 player comes the subtle twang of Mike Doughty's live music just loud enough to hear.

BOYFRIEND
I just don't understand, why is this so hard?

GIRLFRIEND
I don't know. It just is.

The BOYFRIEND stands up and begins pacing back and forth. He shakes his head a few times.

BOYFRIEND
You love me, right?

GIRLFRIEND
Yes.

BOYFRIEND
Then why can't we-

GIRLFRIEND
I just feel like I need to get myself right,
before I worry about us again.

Outside, a car door slams outside. A couple of people are heard walking loudly up the steps toward the security door right next to the apartment. They laugh and giggle with the joyousness of inebriation. One them giggles hysterically, calling the door various names and cursing it's refusal to open. A few moments pass as the BOYFRIEND and GIRLFRIEND listen to the welcome distraction, but finally, the door opens, and slams, and feet pound up the stairs, rattling pictures on the walls.

BOYFRIEND
These last couple weeks, they've been good?

GIRLFRIEND
Yes, they have.

BOYFRIEND
We've gone out, things have been good?

GIRLFRIEND
Yes.

BOYFRIEND
That's all I want, all I'm looking for.

GIRLFRIEND
No, you want assurances.

BOYFRIEND
That too, but, you're not planning on
seeing anyone else, right?

GIRLFRIEND
No!

BOYFRIEND
Then what's the problem?

This time, the GIRLFRIEND gets up, and walks away for a moment, disappearing into the small kitchen. The door to the refrigerator opens and closes, and she reappears a moment later holding a can of Dr. Pepper.

BOYFRIEND
Caffeine? Really?

GIRLFRIEND
What?

BOYFRIEND
Never mind.

GIRLFRIEND
Listen, I'm just not ready yet. That
doesn't mean that I won't be, I'm
just not ready now.

The BOYFRIEND walks around and drops into the couch, the GIRLFRIEND remains standing, watching him. He looks up at her, as if figuring something out.

BOYFRIEND
I feel like you've just left me on hold,
and the muzak version of "Here I go
again on my own.." is looping over and
over, driving me insane!
(Hums a few bars)
Don't get me wrong, I like Whitesnake
and all...

The GIRLFRIEND walks over and drops into the couch on the opposite end and takes a drink of her Dr. Pepper.

GIRLFRIEND
Dammit, now I've got that song stuck in my head!

BOYFRIEND
See how it's aggravating?!

GIRLFRIEND
Oh shut up!

The BOYFRIEND stands up and walks toward the hallway, and then stops to look back at his former / current girlfriend.

BOYFRIEND
Wanna go have sex?

GIRLFRIEND
Yeah.

She stands and follows him.

FADE OUT.