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Plurfirous

In a recent discussion with Mike it was determined that there is not a word that indicates the state of needing to urinate. He had initially suggested that such a word might be 'peeey' but that seems unnecessarily cumbersome. More so than the word 'unnecessarily'.

I said that I thought I'd heard at some point that there was a word to describe this state of being. I then recanted and thought that I may have heard that there was, in fact, not a word that describes this condition.

Michael then typed the word 'Plurfirous'. I'm not entirely sure if that was his suggestion for a word that describes the need to pee or not, but I've decided that it is as good a candidate as any. He also wins 42 points for simply finding a string of letters that both looks and sounds like a word that doesn't already exist as a Google search result.

I assume this post will remedy that condition, however.

Alan Wake - Collector's Edition Review

Let me begin by reiterating, for those who aren't aware, that I've had an off and on excitement for this game for the better part of five years. I previously wrote about these things, and you're welcome to catch up on that first. Also, feel free to check out the Collector’s Edition perk list and pictures.

Five years is a long time to wait for most things, but it's not entirely unheard of. Especially in the media world, video games, movies, and books have been known to carry ludicrously long development cycles.

Now that I own the game the biggest question is, of course: Was it worth the wait?

The short answer is: Yes.

Please note that the short answer does not feature the all telling exclamation mark. There are elements to this game that I find amazing, and others by which I'm not completely blown away. Finally, there are some elements that I would normally consider abhorrent, yet I can't fault Remedy too much as the ends seem to justify the means.

I'll start with a list of things I like, and we’ll call it The Great:

• The graphics are amazing. There are some elements I think could have been a bit better, but when you consider how many lighting effects are in place, how much fog, and the incredible draw distances that are being presented to the player as well as the implementation of the Havok Engine for the physics, it’s just incredible.
• The controls are comfortable. They’re not too tight, not too loose, but like Goldilocks says, “They’re just right.” As you make your way about the world, everything feels fluidic and natural, and you never feel like you’re trying to fight with the control scheme to make Alan do what you intend for him to do.
• Along with the controls how great the combat is. The combat, as you’ll know if you’ve seen any of the trailers, involves a two step process of basically using light to peel back a protective shield of darkness and then a weapon to deliver the actually death blows. It’s a very satisfying process when facing multiple enemies when you’re trying to keep track of who has no darkness, who takes more hits to kill all while strafing around and using flares and your flashlight to keep them where you can handle them. On top of that, there’s a very intuitive dodging system built into the game that, once learned, can keep you from death in a very wonderful way.
• There is an incredible amount of world to see and explore, and it pays off to do so if you want to be more immersed in the story. There are pick-ups aplenty, and it’s a lot of fun to track them down.
• This is one of those games that has a soundtrack that’s amazing. After playing through the game, I was happy to actually have the soundtrack that came with the collector’s edition. It is, of course, only original music created for the game, and not any of the licensed material that you get to enjoy as you track down radios throughout the game. There is an option under the menu, however, that not only allows you to watch all of the cinematics and re-read the manuscript pages you’ve picked up along the way, but also listen to the soundtrack, and it’s everything that’s in the game that isn’t meant for background noise and includes David Bowie, Poe, Poets of the Fall, and Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds among many others.
• The story. This is tricky because you’ll see it listed in the next section. What I love about the story is that it’s very well woven and interconnected, it’s fantastically detailed, and with the collectors edition you’re able to dive so much deeper into it with the companion book The Alan Wake Files, which is fairly well written and long enough to feel that’s it more than just a cheap piece of gimmick while printed on excellent paper in full color with a beautiful binding job. The idea behind the story is excellent, and as the story is peeled away, and more and more is revealed, it all feels very solid and well built. However…

Next I’ll cover things I like, but didn’t blow my hair back, called The Good:

• The story. Some of the the story elements feel a little cheesy and gimmicky.
• The voiceover narrative from Wake feels a little tired and sometimes more like it belongs more back in Max Payne, or perhaps Sin City.
• The voice acting is ok. At times even a little rough, but it’s not bad enough to ruin anything, or even be considered bad.
• The difficulty curve is pretty low. Normal is basically a cake-walk, Hard is a cake-walk with more shooting, and Nightmare is more like a Restless Daydream. I have admit that I was expecting more when loading up the Nightmare mode, and after playing through Nightmare I found I’d only had one area where I felt I’d struggled, even slightly.
• Ammo isn’t persistent. This is a tough one to classify because in some ways I love it and it other ways I don’t. As you play through the game, unlike most other ‘survival horror’ type games, you’re given a pretty reasonable amount of ammo to survive (as long as you don’t linger too long in infinite respawn areas), and if you push yourself to conserve your ammo your only reward is to lose it all between sections and episodes. So, when you’re in a section and feeling pressure because you don’t have ammo to fight enemies, it’s because the game developers manufactured that pressure, not because you failed in your quest to keep your bullets in your bandolier.

Finally, I’ll run through the things I’m going to call Not So Good.

• Advertisements. This is frustrating, to say the least. It sickens me that there are five gamer points to be had at one point during the game simply for turning on a TV that shows you an (old) Verizon Wireless commercial. There are also Verizon Billboards, a very well rendered Verizon Logo on Alan Wake’s cell phone, and you spend the entire game picking up Energizer batteries. Also, you drive into town in a Lincoln MKX, which, believe it or not, had Microsoft Sync, you also get to walk by a very pretty Ford Flex, though you don’t get to drive it.  Penny Arcade’s comic on the subject amused me. The only reason I have trouble faulting them, however, is that the ends somewhat justify the means. I have to imagine that money has been tight for Remedy over the last five years, and I have to assume that they only chose to defecate all over their beautiful game landscape because without that money there’d never have been a beautiful game landscape.
• The story. Here, again, the story appears on this list again as though it were somehow hiding among the landscape like experienced guerilla fighters. There are some flaws with the story and writing to be worth putting on all three lists. Being a Finnish developer, a game written by a Fin (who also wrote everything Max Payne), and starring a plethora of Finnish voice actors, I think there are a few things that are lost in the translation. Beyond that, there are some other issues, but to specifically describe the problems I have would cause spoilers, and for that reason I’ll  leave it as a simple shred of statement: Plot holes and untied threads. (And, yes, I understand that additional episodes are forthcoming and thus might cause me to re-evaluate this point.)
• Mo-cap gone wrong. I’m a huge fan of motion capture for helping create a more complete and immersive experience. From time to time, however, there are some issues. In this case I’m frustrating by the way that NPC’s tend to miss their marks when doing things like unlocking doors, or flipping switches. Also, there’s something missing in their facial expressions, especially during dialog sequences.
• Stopping on stairs. This is just silly, and it’s not completely uncommon in games, but for some reason you can send Alan up a set of stairs at a full run and he’ll occasionally just stop dead, even with your thumb still pushing forward and finger on the run trigger, he’ll just stand there. After a moment he’ll begin his idle animations, swinging his arms and looking quite bored. Sometimes he’ll do it in one spot, but on a later play-through he’ll run right through like there isn’t some sort of issue with space-time on the stairs.
• Items fall down. This is a problem that occurs in a lot of games, when you enter a room or round a corner, items are meant to drop into place. They are being drawn, as if by magic from somewhere beyond the veil and they mean only to exist now that you approach. Occasionally, though, these items to be completely surprised by Mr. Wake’s arrival, and thus fall into place while you’re looking at them. Even worse, occasionally items that aren’t meant to shock or surprise will roll in front of you looking silly and forlorn.
• Hitting and kicking. I understand that there’s a lot that goes into every controllable action your character can perform. I understand that building an interaction between the character and an object can be quite tough, but I do not quite follow the logic of Alan Wake wandering around Bright Falls hitting and kicking everything to make them work. Jukeboxes, doors, wooden decks and even transformer boxes all fall before his mighty whacking and kicking. It’s a minor irritant, but it remains anyway.

So, to sum things up, I loved this game. I have played through it twice, and have started my third tonight. The first time I played in Normal mode, collecting items and enjoying as much of the story as I could take in, the second time I played through on  Nightmare mode, now unlocked, and found items I missed. The final play through I’ve begun will be to watch the video commentary that’s included in the Collector’s Edition, and having started this, I can tell it will be a little tricky to try to understand everything those crazy Fins are trying to tell me.

This is the first game for the Xbox 360 that I’ve ever completed with 100% of achievements and collectibles, and I have to admit that I’m really pleased that I’ve done it. Admittedly, they weren’t much of a challenge, but still provide me with a good sense of accomplishment.

Are there problems with this game? Of course there are. No game is perfect, though, and I have to admit that there’s nothing so much wrong with this game that it ruins or even really leaves a bad taste in your mouth. It’s a ton of fun to play, lasts just long enough to keep your attention and entertain but not so long as to feel drawn out, and it’s not so short that you reach the end and feel as though you’ve been ripped off, rather you’re simply left wanting more.

Buying on launch day means that the first DLC episode, due out in July, will be mine for free. I can’t begin to explain how excited I am to experience this, as well as the second episode that’s slated for release though not yet dated. I was a little bothered by the idea of paying $10 for each episode, but after reflection, that’s actually the basic cost of the game new (there are six episodes in a game that costs you $60). I suppose time will tell whether these add-ons will be worth the cost and time, but for not, I’ve got my fingers crossed. As long as each episode contain an amount of gameplay on par with a middling episode from the main game, it should be well worth the money-dollars. 

So, in closing, go purchase your own copy of Alan Wake. If you can, do yourself a favor and give your game shop the extra $20 for the Collector’s Edition. The extra goods are worth the cost, and the money goes to a good cause, i.e. not Activision.

A Confusing Lack of Cantankerousness?

I’m fairly certain something is wrong with me. Actually, I’m sure there are many things wrong with me, but right now there’s one thing in particular on my mind: where has my cantankerousness gone?

Here’s the issue: I’ve been having a hard time hating things of late. That is to say that I’ve been finding it difficult to find faults with things and have been more or less able to accept almost everything. There was a time when I could find faults with almost everything. I’d watch a movie and there’d be plot holes aplenty or poor scripting or acting. Music was poorly constructed, or terrible lyrically, or just plain stupid. Video games had terrible controls, or were too short, or were a rip off of something else.

These days, though, I’m having a hard time not enjoying things. Even if it’s something I know is stupid, I seem to be content to just sit back and enjoy it.

I don’t really have a problem with this, though. And really, it’s not much different than I’ve been in the past, I think I’ve just shut down part of the critical area of my brain. I worry, though, if this all will lead to a dumbening? Has it already? Will I get stupid because I’m not constantly taking media apart to it’s core to analyze it?

Sure, I’m still noticing flaws. I’m not saying that watching the new Alice in Wonderland I didn’t notice things that I found problems with, but I was able to simply not worry about them and focus on the story.

Is this a result of getting older? Is it my outlook on life? Further, is it because I’m happier and more content than I’ve been in the past? Has my brain been infested contentment bugs? Is this related to issues I feel I’ve been having focusing?

Still, though, I don’t think my ire is completely lost. I can say with honesty that I hate The Hold Steady. Iron Man 2 was the worst advertisement I ever paid to watch. Perhaps my concerns are unfounded and this problem isn’t terminal.

Yaycation! Travel Log – Day 1 – DURING BACKFLIPS USE BOTH LANES

Almost every family trip I’ve ever tried to take starts out with a lot of frustration and often an angry squealing of the tires from the driveway, sometimes hours later than intended. Things just never seem to go as planned, whether it’s something forgotten during packing or just too much time eating breakfast or a satellite plummets from the sky leaving a massive hole in your roof.

Our departure was scheduled for 5 a.m.; a lofty goal, to be sure. When we pulled out of the driveway at 5:20 a.m., I was flying high, amazed by the fact that nothing had gone completely wrong. Things were going our way and we were starting our vacation on a high note. Even when we rolled past the Dunn Bros. we’d wanted to stop at because they weren’t open yet, I easily shrugged it off. We could simply stop at Caribou, right?

Everything was going great until we hit traffic on I-94 just east of Cty Hwy 101, less than a minute after entering the freeway. After waiting 20 minutes to travel less than a mile in three lanes of traffic, having not yet reached the signs that indicated that we were approaching a reduction to one lane. We followed several other cars all making illegal u-turns to go north on 94 again and we headed back to 101. The most frustrating part of all of this was that we had no way of knowing about the traffic problems before we entered 94, but by the time we made it back to 101, it seemed traffic was then backed up well into St. Michael. If we’d just been running a little later, we would have avoided a whole lot of aggravated waiting.

Apples into lemonade, however, the Dunn Bros. was now open. Thus, Manda and I were able to get ourselves some delicious coffee and the kids got smoothies. After a short stay at the coffee house to make sure final bathroom needs had been met and with caffeine ingestion underway, we got our trip back on track.

It wasn’t too difficult to avoid the congestion and soon we were on 494 travelling south at around 80 mph.

Things clipped along well enough. On I-35 I found humor in misreading a construction sign that said, “DURING BACKUPS USE BOTH LANES”, bringing us our snappy title. Even after realizing that the sign had nothing at all to do with back flips, I still didn’t understand its meaning.

Shortly thereafter we crossed the border into Iowa and within a few minutes had pulled into our first rest stop. With cheers from the kids in the back seat we made our first official stop of the day.

Here we see the first evidence that Iowa has decided to embrace their stereotype. The rest stop, which is shaped like a barn with a silo shares a parking lot with Diamond Jo’s, a casino shaped like a farm. There’s even a sign you can see from the road that appears to be a classic but functioning water tower.

We took a little time to take some pictures while we were there.

It’s clear from this and other rest stops that we visited that Iowa is light years (yes, a measure of distance) ahead of Minnesota in terms of rest area technology. Among other things, most seem to have been given facelifts, upgraded bathroom facilities, and now seem to offer free wireless internet at most that we saw. all the rest stops that we stopped at along the way seemed also to be clean, no longer the dingy, dirty, scary places I recall from my youth.

In Iowa, you don’t even need to press a button for free bacon. It’s automagical.

Before we reached Des Moines we discovered that there are hungry machines currently chewing the northbound lanes for a solid several miles. They seem to be tearing up the north bound lanes of I-35 and doing so in a very thorough manner. It seemed a small and unusual section of road to be working on. I was curious enough to wonder what the ends were, but not to have actually looked into it at all. I’m sure the internet holds the answer to this conundrum, and maybe someday I’ll look into it. 

Passing through Des Moines we stopped at a CiCi’s for lunch.

I fear for Iowa’s future generations.

The drive through southern Minnesota and northern Iowa is beautiful in many ways, but is also where a lot of the stereotype that Iowa is flat farmland comes from. Still, we couldn’t help but to marvel at the beautiful views as they rolled past our windows.

I love Minnesota for many reasons. It’s beautiful country in every direction whether you’re looking at the rolling farm land of the south and south west, or the natural forest of the north, or the rocky hills of the north west or the river valleys of the east. On top of that the Minneapolis – St. Paul area is home to incredible old architecture, new sky scrapers, commerce and on and on.

Yet, Iowa has it’s own allure, and I certainly don’t subscribe to the idea that there’s nothing to see or do in Iowa, or that it’s all just corn fields. Sure, there are a lot of corn fields, and their biggest city is pretty small my Minnesota standards, but there’s still something about it. I'll talk a little more about that when I describe the drive from Council Bluffs to Sioux City, which has some breathtaking views.

Our arrival at the hotel was interesting. While it was satisfying to reach our destination, it was a little disappointing to discover our view was not exactly stellar as it overlooked a truck yard next door. Located in Council Bluffs, across the river from Omaha, it is not the most pleasant area of the city. The hotel is in the midst of the casinos, which also happens to be a more industrial area of the city being right on the banks of the Missouri River. The room, however, was clean and well appointed for a cheap hotel. First impressions were that the building is quite new and clean but definitely deserving of the high ratings on Priceline.com.

After dropping our stuff at the room and taking a few minutes to refresh, it was off to Old Market. Old Market is a lot of fun but as with any place you visit, there are always high and low points. The architecture in the area is amazing, there are a great many old buildings that still bear a lot of the vestiges of years gone by. The variety of various shop types is nice, between trendy clothiers and a cigar bar, to antique shops and a gift shop similar to mashing a Spencer's and The Afternoon together. Sadly, many of the shops in Old Market aren't near as old as the buildings in which they're housed. I found that some of the art contained in the galleries was bland and uninteresting, and we saw a couple of street performers in the area that just weren't worth the coins being thrown to them. Still, there was a lot to see and take in, and it was an enjoyable way to spend an afternoon.

After Old Market, we drove around the downtown and midtown areas for a little while looking for someplace to patronize for dinner, but being that we hadn't come prepared for metered parking, we decided to head back to Council Bluffs and eat someplace with a parking lot and a slightly lower sales tax rate. We chose Golden Corral based on our ‘Buffet’s That Aren’t Close to Home’ theme that we wound up with for the day.

After dinner we went back to the hotel for a refreshing swim. We followed the swimming with the arduous task of getting everyone in and then back out of the shower. While it took a while, it felt great to wash the long drive off and let it swirl down the drain.

Once cleaned, refreshed and ready for the evening, it was off to the beautiful Bob Kerrey Pedestrian Bridge. The bridge spans the Missouri river and goes from a park on the Council Bluffs side to the another on the Omaha side. While I could try to sugarcoat it, the truth is that the park and neighborhood you have to pass through on the Council Bluffs side feels very ghetto. Perhaps it was the darkness, perhaps it was the run down cars and old beat down houses, perhaps it was all the people playing basketball under the stadium lights they’d turned on, or maybe it was the guy in the doorway of the bathroom leaning against the wall because he likely couldn’t hold himself up while drinking from a large jug I assume wasn't chocolate milk.

The view of downtown Omaha was pretty gorgeous, though.

Once you peel all that away, though, it all seemed to be fine. I would be willing to guess that both the neighborhood and park aren’t so bad in the light of day. Once we were on the bridge and nearer to other tourists also checking out night attraction, we felt better. What really sealed our feeling of safety, however, was discovering that Segway Guy was on the job.

We assume that by night, Segway Guy roams the pedestrian bridge making obvious idle observations to all the tourists, garbed in his safe-t-green neon vest and helmet and red emergency lights flashing bravely in the night while by day he is an AD&D champion with the ability to quote The Lord of the Rings. Verbatim. From the original Tolkien text.

What most amused me about Segway Guy was that he approached us for the first time as Tristan stood straddling the Iowa / Nebraska imaginary stateline that's painted on the bridge while I was pointing my camera at her. He proceeded to say that we should take a picture of her straddling the state line.

It made our night, however, I think, being able to chuckle at the silly man riding the segway back and forth across the bridge. I didn’t feel right taking a picture of him, but now I almost wish I had.

After the bridge, it was a short drive back to the hotel where everyone piled into their respective beds and fell asleep, all were excited for the day ahead when we would visit the Henry Doorly Zoo...

For a gallery of images from this trip, please check out this link, I will be updating the gallery with more images as time goes on.

A Semi-Brief History of a Friendship – Part 1

Recently I was writing a random ‘blog’ post to test settings on a podcast Mike and I have tentatively decided to work on which gave me pause. I poked fun at the fact that one oldest and best friends has a very poor memory for details, going so far as to say he suffers from anterograde amnesia.

Specifically I said:

…Mike and I did some discussing and recorded it. The process resulted in some interesting revelations.

First of all, let me tell you that I'm absolutely certain Mike is suffering from some form of anterograde amnesia. We mostly talked about how we met because Mike doesn't recall much of anything that happened before this morning. I'm not saying that I have a flawless memory, but it boggles my mind that he seems almost incapable of forming and retaining memories. It's strange how often I'll reference something and he'll tell me he has no recollection of the thing at all.

I used to feel insulted when this happened. He has blanket memories of feelings surrounding periods of our friendship, but when I mention something that happened, he'll be completely lost. I had thought, for a time, that this was simply because he didn't care enough about me and our friendship to retain memories. However, I've since learned that this isn't the case, or at least, it's not likely the case.

Oddly enough, he seems to have a nearly photographic memory of some things, like episodes of Scrubs, for example…

The truth is that I know he doesn’t actually suffer from such a malady, but after writing about it, it got me thinking about memory and history. I realized, after writing it, that there was a lot of things that I simply don’t remember, or at least don’t remember well. I’ve spent the last day or so considering my own history.

So, I submit a concise and utterly incomplete history of my friendship with Mr. Michael Dennis Baumann, part the first.

I met Michael on the school bus in fifth grade. My recollection is that he was sitting with another kid by the name of Mike Pemberton, and that the two of them, mostly Pemberton, made fun of me for some reason. At this point, however, I don’t recall why. Whatever the reason, though, I recall that they had talked about something that I was interested in, if pressed I would assume it was comic books.

My memory is that Mike as blonde haired with a side part and a colic in the back like Dennis the Menace and dressed like a prep in those polo shirts with the little alligators in the corner and docker khakis. Now, the fact is that he dressed nothing like that, but that’s how I remember him. It’s a far cry from how he looks now.

Although we didn’t start out fast friends, over the course of the school year, I believe we started talking and eventually he invited me to his house. It was either the summer following fifth grade, or at least near the end of the fifth grade school year as the weather was pretty nice.

The memory of the first time I went to his house stands out for me for several reasons. First, I had been living in a old apartment building down the road while his home was very nice by comparison. His bedroom was filled with nice things and toys. I won’t lie, I was a little jealous of his house and things. That, however, isn’t why the memory stands out to me.

The first time I went to Michael’s house, he and I hung out in his bedroom, which at the time was at the top of the stairs on the second floor, next to the upstairs bathroom. I recall that he said he needed to go to the bathroom, and he passed through the mirrored door to the adjoining bathroom (I recall being surprised that it was a door to a bathroom and not a closet). Once in the bathroom, he began to sing, “I am so great! I am so great! I am the greatest because I am so great!”

This went on for a very long time. I’d say around fifteen minutes, though my memory makes it seem much longer.

After that we hung out on a semi-regular basis. I would go to his place mostly, and we’d spend time in his bedroom talking about comic books and our own stories. Sometimes we’d spend time down in the family room playing Sega or using their blazing fast 486dx Packard Bell computer and their connection to the new and futuristic world of CompuServe.

We spent a lot of time playing Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and X-Men. We talked about X-Men and Wolverine. He mentioned recently that Mike Pemberton had a love for Gambit, but my memory was that he thought pretty highly of the Cajun Card Master himself. We’d discuss ideas we had for comics, he showed me a lot of his old artwork. At one point we came up for a codename for sex called “playing Sega”. We also spoke of a girl named named Candy that either one of us had heard of, or met, or simply invented, and she was meant to be quite attractive so that we talked of ‘Playing Sega with Candy in our mouths’.

It’s hard to believe how idiotic we were about things.

I also remember that, at the time, we listened to a lot of popular music, like Ace of Base and Counting Crows. I remember that we used sing along to Round Here and Mr. Jones, at one point he confided in me he’d thought the lyric of “cut-up Maria” was actually “color of Doritos”. We used to change the lyrics in The Sign and All That She Wants.

My memories always incomplete from that time, I still remember that it was the first time I’d ever heard the terms, “if you can’t keep it the pants, keep it in the family,” and “incest is best”. They were spoken by his sister, Kelly. I remember his golden retrievers J.D. and Otis. I remember that his house always smelled funny to me, which I think was a result of his mother’s use of potpourri and drying flowers and plants.

Our friendship has always had plenty of turbulence, though. I recall one event that shattered our friendship. We were intending to venture into the world of painting miniatures with a rather timid jumping off point of painting the figures that came with the Marvel Super Heroes Board Game. The argument revolved around the way we should paint Wolverine. This issue being that the lines and shape of the figure were from one era of his costume, there was another on the box, and yet another that it might have been. I believe I stood firm on the fact that the box and the figure were showing the old brown and yellow costume, and Mike believed the figure should be painted with the new yellow and black. Either way, we didn’t speak for several weeks after that.

It wouldn’t be the last blow-up we’d experience.

Throughout middle school my recollections are pretty fuzzy. He and I were friends, and we’d hang out, but we didn’t share a lot of classes. I try to recall when I was in the after school ‘writer’s club’ if he was there with me, and I really don’t recall. This is painful. I remember Dan Brown quoting The Simpsons and that he was really overly proud of his ability to remember the full name of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon.

I listened to a lot of Green Day at the time. Music was becoming a huge part of my life, especially punk and indie music. Mike and I became semi-estranged, as I was also bonding closely with another friend, Ray. While we hung out throughout middle school at Fred Moore in Anoka, I just don’t recall much from that time. This is where I’m able to cut him some slack about his own horrible memories. My recollections of a lot of things are strong from that time, but memories of my time with Mike is not.

Around 8th grade, however, I know we had a pretty long period of estrangement that was not the result of anger, as far as I can recall. I believe we simply went our separate ways. I do wish that I’d started keeping a journal then, or even before. I wish that I had the foresight necessary to know that I wouldn’t be able to recall things as well as I would have wanted.

He and I didn’t really reconnect until our Freshman year in high school. We talked and hung out but, very little. During the summer prior to 9th grade we were both in marching band, and through his older sister he had more friends there already. While I’m not certain, I think he also was somewhat not embarrassed, but wanting to interact with older students and more mature friends. I may also have represented his youth that he wanted to leave behind. I’m sure it didn’t help that I had started dating someone he had sort of dated for a short time before me although I had absolutely no idea of the fact.

During the school year, however, I remember that we reconnected due to a shared love of The Smashing Pumpkins. It turned out that he’d been very much into their double CD that had come out, Melon Collie and the Infinite Sadness. It was in the music room, probably during or after a Marching Band practice or perhaps after our music class that it came up. After that we talked more, hung out some. For a time in high school we were close again. We shared an art class and developed the character Madd Mann. We had grand plans for comic book ideas.

Fast forward a little while to when I met Laurel, who would become my wife. Mike and I talked and hung out, but we didn’t have the same connection we had before, and there was a bit of a rift that came from the fact that I was having some issues with my family at home.

I recall arguments about his ferrying Laurel and I around to each other as he had his license and a vehicle before I did. I also remember when Laurel lied about having to go home when the reality was that she and Mike went out to see the movie Pleasantville. He had no idea of what had happened, but it was a sore spot for me for a while.

In 1998, we went to Wizard World in Chicago. It’s one of those memories that stands out very strongly for me. It was a big deal. I still have, somewhere, the notes I took on digital coloring with Photoshop and inking.

Still, we hung out and listened to a lot of the same music. We both liked the Offspring, which is what led to our discovery of AFI who opened for them at First Ave. I remember that we both talked about and enjoyed a lot of horror movies. We grew apart, but we stayed together in a way. For a time we tried the punk rock thing, he and Ted Anderson and I. Though it never went far. I still have a lot of good memories from his basement bedroom.

I remember when I told him that Laurel was pregnant and that I intended to marry her. I remember the disappointment. I remember feeling horrible that I’d let my friend down.

He was at my wedding, his unique giant M based signature appears on the wedding certificate as a witness. After that we became close again, for a time. Though we didn’t hang out much. He was going to school and trying to live the life of a punk rocker. I think he was living in North East Minneapolis at the time, so close to the train tracks that you could practically touch the train when it went by.

During this time we spent a pretty good amount of time together, we’d talk and hang out. We’d watch movies and work on stories, and comics, and movies.

Always Mike and I schemed various things. Movies, novels, comic books.

Sadly, my recollections are so terrible that I cannot place many things in the correct order. Mike was dating Jenny at some point. He spent time working as an apprentice at Forever Yours tattoos in Anoka. It was there I trusted him to tattoo me. More than once. I will forever have his artwork on my person.

I remember that I’d been living in New Hope and he came over late one night as he sometimes did. We had been closer as friends then than we’d been in a long time, and I remember when he told me that Jenny was pregnant and that he was going to be a father. This was shortly after Laurel had become pregnant with our second child.

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That’s where I’ll end things for now. Perhaps when / if I come back with another installment, I’ll be able to more clearly recall events. It’s odd that I have a lot of memories that are there, but incidental. I have memories that are unrelated. Some are very clear, and some not so much. Of course, I’m trying to recall things that occurred over the last 20 years, and during pretty remarkable times in our lives. I’m hopeful that the act of remembering will help me. I, for some reason, feel really dark and lost when it comes to my past, and I would like to have those memories back, if possible. I don’t want to dwell on them, just hang on to them.

I may not remember everything clearly, but I do know that Mike has always been there for me as a friend, even when he’s not been around. Sure, he can be a moody bitch from time to time, but I’m not the easiest person to get along with either. Somehow he’s been able to tolerate me for almost two decades, and I him. He’s on a short list of people I would lay down my life for if it came down to it.

The Love of my Life

It has come to my attention that I do not talk about Manda, my fiancée, on this blog or anywhere else for that matter.

The other day she mentioned that I had blogged about our vacation destination but never once mentioned her. I defended myself by stating that I implied her with the use of terms like “we” and I pointed out that I didn't want to blog about her because I wasn’t sure how she felt about my discussing her on the internet. For some people, that’s just not cool.

As it turns out, she’s plenty ok with it.

What can I say about my Manda? She’s the first person to make me truly happy in a very long time. She doesn’t stir emotions that I think are happiness or want to be real, but instead she truly makes me happy. Deep down, in my core.

When I’m with her, I feel good. Complete. When I’m not with her, she’s stays on my mind.

She’s the first person in a very long time to understand me, even when she has no idea what I’m talking about. I feel connected with her in a way that I’ve never really felt with anyone before. A bond that feels like it’s always been there. Perhaps it sounds strange, but even when we’d been together for only about a month, I told her how it had like we’d been together for years, as though we’d always just been. It was very comforting to find out that she felt the same way.

I can talk to her, she’s intelligent and witty and can hold her own against my bullshit. Her mind works in mysterious ways and often keeps me on my toes. Her love of language and story are akin to mine, she’s able to communicate with me on a level most people can’t. We can talk about anything for hours and it feels good.

With Manda I can explore. I’ve never known anyone else who is so willing to just drive, to arrive somewhere and see what’s there. With her, I am able to see what is out there. It’s something she is willing to experience with me, and I with her.

She’s beautiful, captivating. Her eyes draw me in and never let go. Her smile makes me want to smile.

Most of all I love her. I love her like I’ve never loved anyone before, and I can’t imagine my life without her.

I wish I could say things that didn’t sound cliché and tired. I wish that I could find enough words to really explain all the things that I feel. I wish it was possible for her to see herself through my eyes, to know exactly how I feel, to know how deeply and completely I love her.

The bottom line is that I’m excited to spend the rest of my life with her, and I hope that I make her as happy as she makes me.