something to say...

exhale in a long sigh. i have something to say.

i believe in fairy tales, i believe in something new, and something old. i beleive the future is happening, and i beleive that it's all happened before. i believe in something better, and i know there's something worse. i see the sky before it's dark, and the stars that keep burning bright. i think about myself, and i worry about it all. i think there's something to this love thing, and i wonder if i've ever done it right. i wonder if there's a real reason to marry, and i think, maybe i'll get married again, i think, maybe there's more than one person that could be the one, but which one is now, and how do you know when it's later. i beleive in the road under the tires, and the leaves in the trees, or on the ground. i want to find that happy medium, whatever it might be, and i know there's a reason to get up everyday. i love everything, and i hate you all, i don't get what i'm saying, and that's probably for the best. i think there's a time to listen to the blues, and that it can make you happy. i hope that you've noticed when i'm not around, whoever you might be. i believe in the relationship that's lasted forever, even if it's rambled a path that winds around and around. i want to get to the end and read this story, and i want to know what happens before it does. i don't like the sound of my own voice, but i sing anyway, and i hate it when someone tells me to stop. i drink too much, and sometimes, not enough, i spend too much time doing the things i hate, and never feel up to doing what i love. i want to wake up next to you, i want the song to be perfect. i want to feel your breath against my skin, i want to taste you in every way. i love the smell that hangs around you. it's so much more than that. i want to kiss you. i want to fuck you. i want to be inside you. i want to make you smile, just by walking in the room. i want to feel you near. i want to wake up. there's beauty in the world, and i'm determined to find it. i want to settle down. i want to get up and go! i hate everything i love about you, and i don't see this ending well, whatever it ends up being. i want to quit my job. i want to write the story of my life, but i want to embellish it a little. i want to tell tall tales, and i want you to beleive every one of them. you can't be here, because here is nowhere at all. i want to watch a zombie flick, something with a lot of pointless blood. i wish i was better at listening, at finding the balance. thank you for hearing me out. i want to curl up in my bed and sleep forever. i miss loving dinosaurs. i miss playing with legos, and sesame street, and the joy i got from super mario bros. when i could warp my way through the levels. i wish i'd had more friends growing up. i love the friends i don't have anymore, for whatever reasons. i want a better relationship with everyone, i wish i never hurt anyone before, and i don't want to do it again. i wish i had more time. i wish i used the time i had better. i wish my time lined up with everyone elses. i miss you. i miss you, and i miss you. i remember when we were kids and we used to hang out and listen to what we thought was good music at the time.and i remember finding out that there was so much more than kdwb. i miss the sega genisis, the super nintendo. i miss the nes, and duck hunt. i miss the x-men, and arguing about the color to paint wolverine. why can't it be that way again. i remember how people reacted when my marriage was over, and i remember when i finally accepted that it was done. i wish only the best to you, and i wish only the worst too. i'm sorry i missed the train. there's something about a lack of color. sometimes the world should be grey. i loved playing in the leaves. i love the sound of my children's laugh. i wish i had more time to spend with them. i can't beleive that i'm getting old, i never thought it would happen. i never thought it would be like this. sometimes i just want to cry, and occasionally i have. i wonder why i'm not now. i'm ok, but not always. i beleive in a real love that can take you by surprise. i don't seem to trust i before e, whether it's after c or not. i beleive in friendship that's based on contrary beliefs, i believe in saying goodbye. i hate when it's over, i want it to be done. i can't beleive you fucked my wife, no matter what she told you. so many years thrown away. i can't beleive it ended up the way it did. you were like a brother, and you won't even let me forgive you, because you won't forgive yourself. i don't want you to hurt because of it. i wish i took better photgraphs. i wish i could type fast enough to keep up. i love this song. i love so many songs. i wish i had more time to read, and to write, and to watch movies. i wish i could just watch a movie with you. i wish i knew you better, i wish you'd let me get to know you. i want to hang out with the guys. i hate that life gets in the way. i want to taste fire. i want to tell you how i feel. i wish i knew how i felt. i want you in the worst way. i don't want you at all. i'm tired of being hurt, and i don't want anymore than everything. i want a marriage that works. i want to friendship that's real. i want to punch through the walls. i want to destroy something, i want to relieve my tension. i want to touch, i want to feel, i want to breath. i want to stop smoking. i want to smoke without fear. i don't want to die. i'm sorry i fucked your sister, it shouldn't have happened. i wish i could call you, because i would have been so much better for you than he was, and now i'm sure you're on to something different. i hope it all worked out. i remember prom night... all of them. i remember my honeymoon, and i wish it could have been better, but i wouldn't trade what it was for the world. i think i'm charming, i wish i was moreso. there is nothing left to give, i want to give it all. i like watching you walk away. i just want to be me. i want to be free. i beleive in the ocean, the one i haven't seen since i was kid. i want to spend the day at the beach. something has to give. i wish you would just tell me what you feel. i wish you wouldn't say anything at all. i miss the life i had. i wish i had more money. i don't want to need money. i don't want to pay my bills. i hate my car. i hate my apartment. i hate the way i take advantage of you. i wish i could reciprocate better. i wish i didn't leave it up in the air. i hate being so tired i shiver, even when it's not cold. i hate the headache i get when i'm not quite drunk enough. i love it when the room spins, except when i can't make it stop. i want to ride some bumper cars. i wish i liked roller coasters more. i love my mommy, but i wish sometimes she'd just go way. i wonder where my dad is now, he looked so bad when i saw him last. i hope i don't end up like him. i'm not afraid of heights, except when i look up. i want to try rock climbing, won't someone try it with me. i want to be more active, i just want to sit here and not move. i think coffee cake should be more accessible to me. i think hot pockets are the worst thing that ever happened to the planet, but i love them so. i wish i could eat out everyday, but there's something about a plate of ramen noodles that only cost me seventeen cents. i want to see the world, or, if it's so inclined, i'd like the world to come me. i can't believe what you did. i can't beleive you didn't tell me. it hurts so much, i can't even tell you. i think it was for the best, but there's a hole in my heart. i am afraid of what tomorrow will bring. i want to write for a living. i wish that i could just finish what i've started. i hate watching from the sidelines, but i wish i knew more the rules so i could just play. i'm sorry for everything i've ever said, i'm sorry i can't give you everything you want, or need. i wonder when you might be ready to settle down. i don't want my kids to be as screwed up as i turned out, but i don't think i turned out that bad. i can't bear you two growing up. i can't wait to see what you do, i just hope i did ok. i hate the political agenda. i wish i could make decisions. i wish my opinion mattered. i want to see you in person, i don't want to push too hard. i hate flying, but i'd like to be on a plane right now. i want throw it all away, i want to start something new. i wish that people could be more honest, or that i didn't suspect that there were so many lies. i hate the fakeness in your voice. i hate the fact that you can't just admit that you fucked up. i can't stand the compulsive lies. i can't imagine what it's like to keep track of them all, but i admire you for trying, if you can't give in, just give it your all, i guess. i don't think there's a chance at happiness. i'm happy right now. i want to go camping. i want a campfire. i want s'mores. i want a pontoon boat thing. i want to have a barbeque. i want to eat something i've never eaten before. i want a glass of wine with dinner. i want to do a line of shots. i want to drive drunk, and not worry about it. i want to get lost on purpose, and not find myself for a very long time. i want to turn the music up. i want everyone to hear it, while i'm by myself. i hope you don't think this is all about you. i hope you can sort it out. i can't. there's something about an open chord, a voice in the air, the sound in the dark. i love to close my eyes and listen. i miss talking to you, i wish it was tomorrow, or yesterday. i love your brown eyes. thank you for teaching me about music. i hate my cell phone, but i haven't done anything about it. can you believe i've written so much. i love to hear you laugh, i love to hear you smile. i love how you're a nerd, and when you admit it. i want someone to hold me. i want to hold someone back. i want one of those high school dates that i didn't have. i miss highschool, i wish i'd done it all better. i miss the smell of cool water, and gravity. i miss you, why did you cheat on me? was it really that bad? what might have been? even though your dad hated me, and your mom wasn't all that fond of me either. did they really do the things you said they did? i want to buy someone flowers. i want to pin on a corsiage. i want to spell that right. i miss phone calls that last 6 hours. i miss dropping a note in a locker. it's been so long since anything meant anything at all. i hate the way it feels like i've done it all before. i hate that i'm scared to try something new. i want to go to a show. i wish i could really dance. i want to see the constellations, i want to be fluent in so many languages. i want to get in shape. i like being stronger than you. i wish i was a little bit taller. i wish so many choices were easier. i wish i'd made better decisions. i want someone to obsess over me the way i obsess over them. i want it to be healthy. i need to bake cookies. i want someone to make dinner for. i miss being alone. i miss being with someone. i want to be an adult, what does it mean? will i ever grow up. how did i miss, how can i catch up. i remember watching so many disasters on televion. i remember where i was. i like when the audio doesn't match. i want to believe in magic. i want magic. i want to feel butterflies in my stomach... i already do. i wish you'd call me, i haven't heard from you in forever. i wish i had you're number. i want to get into a fight. i miss make-up sex. i wish i wasn't so worried. i hate credit cards, and my electric bill. i want to make the world a better place. i want to tear it all apart. i want to tear your clothes off and just fuck. oh, and i miss fucking you... i want to hear something uplifting. i want someone to tell me i'm attractive. i want to be attractive in so many ways. i want to be a goof. i want to crack a joke, i want to make you smile. i want to lay it all on the line, and have it pay off. i want a big house, or at least something big enough for us all to live in. i can't beleive you've never been in love before, i can't believe how many times i've heard that lately. i wonder if i was in love, or if i had it wrong from the start. i wish i was more corageous. i want to go to a wedding. i want to go to my wedding. i don't know if i really ever want to get married again. i never wanted more kids, but now i'm not so sure. i miss my babies being so small. i miss you laying on my chest, snoring softly. i haven't been to a funeral in a long time, and i'm thankful for that. i wish something was happening. i wish something was happening right now. i can't beleive how big you are. i wish i could just make it all better. i hate it when you're sad, and yes, i wish your mommy and i could still be together. i want to go to chicago again, and i hate that city. i want to see you all dressed up. 'fuck' is the greatest word to describe how i feel. there's something wrong with the relationship we have, but i don't know if we should give it up, 'cause we keep trying. i want to be the king for a day. i want to show you all. i need to go to sleep. i haven't slept enough lately. there's a hole in my heart. i'm worried that i might be broken. i want to drink some tea. green tea. with honey. i hate pop, but i like a few songs. i wish i could listen to more music. i want to make music of my own. i love that one song, you know the one? i like that you don't like some of what i like. i love to agree to disagree. i love the debate. i wonder how long 'til you're sick of me. i wonder if i'm doing this right. thank you for playing, it's great. i want to see you. i want to know what you're doing right now. i want to be a part of your life. i want a woman that loves me for who i am. i want someone that's ok with where i'm at, and doesn't mind dealing with me when i'm being moody. i wish i wasn't so moody. i love how you can be a bitch. i hate it too. i'm glad to know you. i can't believe you'd let a man treat you the way he has. i wonder where to begin. if i told you the whole story, would you still like me. can you love me? can you love at all? why am i such an asshole sometimes. why do i push everyone away, especially when i want them so close. why do you push me away, we've been friends for so long. what ever happened to bro's before hoes, what happened to the plans we had. hey, how's the new job, must be hectic if you can't call me. why don't i call you? do i even have time. why haven't you invited me to hang out in a while, why do i always hear about it after it happened. why can't i have it all? i really can't complain, but i do it anyway. i want keys. i like keys. you know what else i like? if not, why? i could tell you. you might not beleive me. i wish my skin was smoother. ok, i really, really love the crunch of the leaves. i wish fall lasted longer. i wish i liked sports more. i want to run. i want to live. i hate waiting by the phone. i want to try something different, and i don't want it to suck. i promis you it will get better. i wish you could see yourself the way i do, so you'd know how i really feel, and i would have to try and find the words. i want to be that person in your life. i want you to tell your friends about me. whoever you are, i want to walk by, and i want you say something. i wish i could say something too. i loved the way you kept talking, i wonder if you were waiting for me to ask you out. i wonder why i didn't. i never want ed the day to end. i wish it hadn't. i wonder about chance encounters. i want to go to the zoo again. i want to set the animals free. i'm scared of spiders, sometimes, but i'd kill it for you. i want to get caught in the rain. i never want to sleep again. i want to sleep next to you again. i want to drive next time. i want to cross state lines. i wish we'd gone on more trips. i wish i could just take a road trip right now. i want to play a game. i don't trust you. i don't know why. i can't beleive what people are looking for sometimes. i wish there was no evil. i love you. i hate you. i miss you. i want you. i can't stop thinking about you. i don't know what i'm thinking at all. i want to skip the hard parts. i don't want to pass go... though i'm ok with collecting $200. i miss love. my heart aches. i can't beleive it's october already. i want a role model, a hero. i wish you felt the way i do. i can't beleive i've written all this. i want to write so much more. i want to send you a letter, and in it i would tell you everything. it won't happen.

i need to stop...


something to say... by ~fyrephlie on deviantART