Some reflection...

Last year, I was at the State Fair with my girls, and I decided I wanted to get a picture of the 3 of us standing in front of the entrance to the Midway. I handed my camera to a passerby, asking him to take the photo. Being that I'm very protective of my Camera, I got real close and said, "Don't even think about taking off with this, I'll run you down and fuck you up so bad that as the cops are taking you away, you'll be mumbling about a monster that moves like a leopard and strikes like a bear."

As he ran away crying to his mother, I reflected on how parents need to do a better job of preparing their kids for the world.


I was studying my bottle of Pantene Pro-V Shampoo in the shower not too long ago. I noticed that it says "For up to 85% shinier hair.*" The conditioner bottle featured the exact same tag line.

This got me curious, so I looked at the back of the bottle and found that the asterisk referred to their comparison between Pantene Shampoo and Conditioner and Pantene Shampoo. Their website seems to reinforce the same marketing schema, but doesn't give me the answers I need.

That didn't help much, I wanted to know how they measured this, what it meant. So, I asked my good friend, Dr. Harland Thompson PhD, of Harvard Medical University.

He had this to say in his email reply:

Mr. Kirschbaum -

Please stop emailing me, I'm not sure who you are or what you're after, but I can't give you the answers.

I'm not sure how they "Measure Shinierness" as you put it, you might want to ask Pantene. Also, I can't tell you anything about how they get the creme into Cadbury Creme Eggs, I would guess that it's injected, but that has nothing to do with my field. I do not know, nor could I guess from the photo, what your rash is. And finally, I would appreciate it if you would stop mailing me stool samples labeled as "Shit you might find interesting". I've finally learned to stop opening them, so please don't send them anymore.

In closing, who the hell are you, and how did you get my contact information.

Very illuminating indeed. I have the feeling that the Pantene information control machine may have gotten to him. I'll have to find a new source for my medical information.