so, last night, i went and saw the prestige. in my opinion it was great. it was well written, with good dialogue.
the concept of the movie is pretty straight forward, 1800's era magicians in london trying to one up each due to a rivalry extending from the death of one's wife during a trick caused by the other.
the whole movie is spent reading the journals of the two men, one from within the other, all while one of them is is prison awaiting the death penalty.
they do an excellent job of trying to keep everyone in the dark throughout the movie, and even for those, like me, that tend to guess the 'twist', they still manage to throw in enough extra turns to make it all worth while, so that in the end, you say, "yeah, i saw most of that coming, but still, it was awesome!"
i honestly believe this to be one of the best movies i've seen in a while, and i see a lot of movies. it's different. it's a new idea that hasn't really been done before, and thus... good....
p.s. i apologize for the crappy writing on this.. i'm in a hurry and don't feel like being more terse.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
some random internetting...
one of the forums i frequent, for dried up descent playing has beens, tends to sport some interesting links and things, we all contribute to broadening our internet horizons... so, since i enjoy them, i thought i would share them... and pretend like i've found them all myself!
the hamburglar - e! true hollywood story...
wow, this is hilarious, and stupid all at once. that's all i have to say about that!
Boong Ga Boong Ga ... nope, you don't want to try this at home. it's like a video version of the japanese 'kancho'. it's all so very wrong.
the body of a spam message i recieved yesterday from Paula Lutz:
it had no links, there was an image that i didn't bother to open, the header info was clean, and honestly, i'm not sure what the point of the whole thing was, but i laughed pretty hard when i read it. i love these emails. they make me glad that i get to breath the same air space as the rest of the world.
screw snakes on a plane, they got shrimps on a treadmill read about it in this article. i fail to see the importance, but it's amusing none the less. i think, however, the scientific community should invest heavily in studying me, and the effects of giving me ludicrous amounts of grant money.
chad vader: day shift manager -
Episode 1:
Episode 2:
Episode 3:
Episode 4:
if you haven't seen it yet, you'd better, cause this shit is great! if you love it, you can actually buy the merchandise here!
what i have dubbed 'christian shock jockery', check out this comic. jesus saves people... probably. i don't beleive it, but i really, and i mean REALLY love the use of the word RAPE as onomatopoeia! too good!
found an article talking about this the other day, it's like ALL of darwin... and more!! pretty sweet, check it out!
this is a great way to advertise men's underwear, i can't speak the language that the site is in, but i'm pretty sure that those are some tighty whiteys worth investing in! i could embed the video... but it plays automatically, and i can't stand that shit... just click the link and enjoy!
here is the exact reason why lonely males between the ages of 12 and 35 enjoy playing japanese import video games so much, this trailer shows that 'game physics' are taking a giant leap BACKWARD, or forward. honestly though, breasts that move indepentantly of one another in such a ludicrous fashion really scare the bejesus out of me.
welp! that about does it for now... enjoy.
the hamburglar - e! true hollywood story...
wow, this is hilarious, and stupid all at once. that's all i have to say about that!
Boong Ga Boong Ga ... nope, you don't want to try this at home. it's like a video version of the japanese 'kancho'. it's all so very wrong.
the body of a spam message i recieved yesterday from Paula Lutz:
The consultants recommend homogenised transitional flexibility.
Our upgraded model now offers parallel digital options. An elusive submarine
You really can't fail with integrated management matrix approaches.
Indeed, another optimal power drill hardly pours freezing cold water on another tuba player. A girl scout buys an expensive gift for an earring. Any roller coaster can have a change of heart about a cargo bay about a briar patch, but it takes a real paycheck to wisely graduate from the seldom precise fighter pilot. A fractured briar patch beams with joy, and another knowingly statesmanlike tomato hesitates; however, the underhandedly elusive photon makes love to the sheriff about a pork chop.
it had no links, there was an image that i didn't bother to open, the header info was clean, and honestly, i'm not sure what the point of the whole thing was, but i laughed pretty hard when i read it. i love these emails. they make me glad that i get to breath the same air space as the rest of the world.
screw snakes on a plane, they got shrimps on a treadmill read about it in this article. i fail to see the importance, but it's amusing none the less. i think, however, the scientific community should invest heavily in studying me, and the effects of giving me ludicrous amounts of grant money.
chad vader: day shift manager -
Episode 1:
Episode 2:
Episode 3:
Episode 4:
if you haven't seen it yet, you'd better, cause this shit is great! if you love it, you can actually buy the merchandise here!
what i have dubbed 'christian shock jockery', check out this comic. jesus saves people... probably. i don't beleive it, but i really, and i mean REALLY love the use of the word RAPE as onomatopoeia! too good!
found an article talking about this the other day, it's like ALL of darwin... and more!! pretty sweet, check it out!
this is a great way to advertise men's underwear, i can't speak the language that the site is in, but i'm pretty sure that those are some tighty whiteys worth investing in! i could embed the video... but it plays automatically, and i can't stand that shit... just click the link and enjoy!
here is the exact reason why lonely males between the ages of 12 and 35 enjoy playing japanese import video games so much, this trailer shows that 'game physics' are taking a giant leap BACKWARD, or forward. honestly though, breasts that move indepentantly of one another in such a ludicrous fashion really scare the bejesus out of me.
welp! that about does it for now... enjoy.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
six words...
so, wired did this, it's good:
Wired's Very Short stories
many are funny, some are not.
the personal fave's i have are:
Wired's Very Short stories
many are funny, some are not.
the personal fave's i have are:
whorl. Help! I'm caught in a time
God to Earth: "Cry more, noobs!"
>Help! Trapped in a text adventure!
Bang postponed. Not Big enough. Reboot.
why i suck at life...
i am a coward.
i am terrible at expressing myself emotionally to other human beings, unless those emotions are negative.
i am terrible at interacting one on one with other people, and generally find that when i try, i stumble quite a bit.
i can't say thank you most of the time, or if i do, it sounds forced and fake, even when i am absolutely grateful. this is a trait i think i developed from my father, although, i will admit that there have been several other figures in my life that didn't seem capable of it.
i have trouble exchanging the words like and love. i like you, i love you, it takes a long time for me to get that one right, and usually it's too late. i used to be far better at this, but, over the last few years, i think i've become frightened of the idea, or at least of getting hurt again. it hasn't helped, i still get hurt. i've made some big mistakes of the heart as it were.
i am rarely humble. i can't seem to show much humility. i absolutely suck at admitting that i'm wrong. the biggest problem for me is that i am not wrong all that often, and i'm generally the one proving others wrong. this is another failing, because it seems like i go out of my way to prove that i'm right about things.
i'm pompous too. oh god, i can't seem to talk about anything without sounding like i'm talking down to someone. i hate that, but i can't seem to stop it. especially when it comes to things like technology.
i also can't stand people. in general, it seems as though people as a whole are stupid. and stupid people aggravate me. it makes it hard for me to get along with people... i mean, i do ok, but i tend to make a lot of comments and jokes that i shouldn't. i probably shouldn't work with the public, but i do.
which brings me to the fact that i am a sarcastic dick. i can't stop myself. i make sarcastic jokes and comments all of the time, no matter how inappropriate or inoppurtune the moments. i have worked for years on trying to make the internal filter between my brain and my mouth work, but generally, it doesn't.
i can't take a joke, and tend to try and one up a jokester. i wouldn't get along with myself at all, i don't know how some people do. i am truly grateful at those people that can tolerate my existance, but of course, i could never show it without it seeming forced or fake.
i have no patience. i suck at waiting. i want instant gratification. i can't stand suspense, i can't stand the unknown. i'm ok with the answers i've built, but i don't want to be in the dark about anything. i can't stand being lied to or cheated on (who can?). i tend to suspect the worst in people, but still get frustrated when i'm right. i dive head long into emotions that i shouldn't, i frequently confuse lust with love. i don't think i really trust anyone.
i suck at life in general.
now, keep in mind, that my attitudes and actions are in stark contrast to my self image. i do not have very solid self esteem. i don't think all that highly of myself as a whole, and it knocking other people down doesn't help. i don't think of myself as all that attractive, though, i know as a whole, there are a lot of uglier people out there. i think that i would be more attractive to people were i cabable of expressing my emotions better.
i think people look at me like some sort of sociopath. but i'm not. i have plenty of emotion, good emotion, it is just buried.
why? i don't know, but it's driving me crazy.
the worst part, is that when i do express a positive emotion, or feeling, it's like pulling teeth. it's hard for me. i don't do it often, and i don't do a very good job of it, so when it happens, and i don't get a positive reaction, its like getting kicked in the guts, although it's so much worse when i don't get any reaction at all.
the truth of the matter is that i think i am a good and caring person. i just can't seem to prove it to anyone.
note: i mentioned my father once, and only once, however, i'm fairly certain that most of my failings have been passed from him. he's not a terrible person, but he's never been a very good father, and he's fairly awful as a human, but underneath i think there is good in him, buried, deep, where it rarely comes out. i once spent a ludicrous amount of money on the man for a christmas gift he had desperately wanted and needed, he opened it and said, "oh." this is why i'm fairly awful as a human myself. at least, i'm pretty sure. i'm not trying to shift all the blame, especially since he wasn't around through most of my childhood. it doesn't mean i don't love him.
i am terrible at expressing myself emotionally to other human beings, unless those emotions are negative.
i am terrible at interacting one on one with other people, and generally find that when i try, i stumble quite a bit.
i can't say thank you most of the time, or if i do, it sounds forced and fake, even when i am absolutely grateful. this is a trait i think i developed from my father, although, i will admit that there have been several other figures in my life that didn't seem capable of it.
i have trouble exchanging the words like and love. i like you, i love you, it takes a long time for me to get that one right, and usually it's too late. i used to be far better at this, but, over the last few years, i think i've become frightened of the idea, or at least of getting hurt again. it hasn't helped, i still get hurt. i've made some big mistakes of the heart as it were.
i am rarely humble. i can't seem to show much humility. i absolutely suck at admitting that i'm wrong. the biggest problem for me is that i am not wrong all that often, and i'm generally the one proving others wrong. this is another failing, because it seems like i go out of my way to prove that i'm right about things.
i'm pompous too. oh god, i can't seem to talk about anything without sounding like i'm talking down to someone. i hate that, but i can't seem to stop it. especially when it comes to things like technology.
i also can't stand people. in general, it seems as though people as a whole are stupid. and stupid people aggravate me. it makes it hard for me to get along with people... i mean, i do ok, but i tend to make a lot of comments and jokes that i shouldn't. i probably shouldn't work with the public, but i do.
which brings me to the fact that i am a sarcastic dick. i can't stop myself. i make sarcastic jokes and comments all of the time, no matter how inappropriate or inoppurtune the moments. i have worked for years on trying to make the internal filter between my brain and my mouth work, but generally, it doesn't.
i can't take a joke, and tend to try and one up a jokester. i wouldn't get along with myself at all, i don't know how some people do. i am truly grateful at those people that can tolerate my existance, but of course, i could never show it without it seeming forced or fake.
i have no patience. i suck at waiting. i want instant gratification. i can't stand suspense, i can't stand the unknown. i'm ok with the answers i've built, but i don't want to be in the dark about anything. i can't stand being lied to or cheated on (who can?). i tend to suspect the worst in people, but still get frustrated when i'm right. i dive head long into emotions that i shouldn't, i frequently confuse lust with love. i don't think i really trust anyone.
i suck at life in general.
now, keep in mind, that my attitudes and actions are in stark contrast to my self image. i do not have very solid self esteem. i don't think all that highly of myself as a whole, and it knocking other people down doesn't help. i don't think of myself as all that attractive, though, i know as a whole, there are a lot of uglier people out there. i think that i would be more attractive to people were i cabable of expressing my emotions better.
i think people look at me like some sort of sociopath. but i'm not. i have plenty of emotion, good emotion, it is just buried.
why? i don't know, but it's driving me crazy.
the worst part, is that when i do express a positive emotion, or feeling, it's like pulling teeth. it's hard for me. i don't do it often, and i don't do a very good job of it, so when it happens, and i don't get a positive reaction, its like getting kicked in the guts, although it's so much worse when i don't get any reaction at all.
the truth of the matter is that i think i am a good and caring person. i just can't seem to prove it to anyone.
note: i mentioned my father once, and only once, however, i'm fairly certain that most of my failings have been passed from him. he's not a terrible person, but he's never been a very good father, and he's fairly awful as a human, but underneath i think there is good in him, buried, deep, where it rarely comes out. i once spent a ludicrous amount of money on the man for a christmas gift he had desperately wanted and needed, he opened it and said, "oh." this is why i'm fairly awful as a human myself. at least, i'm pretty sure. i'm not trying to shift all the blame, especially since he wasn't around through most of my childhood. it doesn't mean i don't love him.
fraggle rock the movie? and, kurt cobain WINS!!!
so, who here remembers fraggle rock??? i sure as shit do, and i loved that show. henson's muppets rocked. the whole show was good clean communist fun!!!
so, here's the good news, cnn says that the son of the great frank zappa, ahmet zappa (note: more about frank zappa as well as his kids at this wiki. other kids names include dweezil, moon unit, and diva bahahahaha. if you get a chance, youtube frank zappa, he had some interesting things to say politically about music... lol, if you find it, you'll know what i mean!) is developing the original muppet based series into a live action movie!!! OMG OMG OMG HOORAYS!!! seriously, this can only go one direction, really really really, as in really really really good, or really really really bad, or possibly somewhere in the middle. i guess i am a little bewildered by the whole thing, but i have a lot of hope! sometimes i'm glad that hollywood is out of new materiel, we get to experience some good stuff all over again. then sometimes, it's posieden.
in other news, kurt cobain made more money than elvis presley from oct. '05 to oct. '06. this is according to a report done by forbes reported by cnn again. this means that kurt cobain wins the dead celebrity making money contest (and don't think for a second i'm joking, that's what forbes' report was all about!!!). please note: they're still fucking dead...
i have a few things to say about this:
1. huh?
2. bahhaaha they actually check into this stuff
3. wow!
that is all, have a good night internet!
so, here's the good news, cnn says that the son of the great frank zappa, ahmet zappa (note: more about frank zappa as well as his kids at this wiki. other kids names include dweezil, moon unit, and diva bahahahaha. if you get a chance, youtube frank zappa, he had some interesting things to say politically about music... lol, if you find it, you'll know what i mean!) is developing the original muppet based series into a live action movie!!! OMG OMG OMG HOORAYS!!! seriously, this can only go one direction, really really really, as in really really really good, or really really really bad, or possibly somewhere in the middle. i guess i am a little bewildered by the whole thing, but i have a lot of hope! sometimes i'm glad that hollywood is out of new materiel, we get to experience some good stuff all over again. then sometimes, it's posieden.
in other news, kurt cobain made more money than elvis presley from oct. '05 to oct. '06. this is according to a report done by forbes reported by cnn again. this means that kurt cobain wins the dead celebrity making money contest (and don't think for a second i'm joking, that's what forbes' report was all about!!!). please note: they're still fucking dead...
i have a few things to say about this:
1. huh?
2. bahhaaha they actually check into this stuff
3. wow!
that is all, have a good night internet!
Sunday, October 22, 2006
the richard stallman affair
if you haven't noticed, i'm a big linux nerd. i'm all for open source software, believing whole heartedly in a world filled with free software and operating systems all being built and maintained by large communities who work together to keep things working. i love the idea of companies like microsoft and even apple having to keep an eye out on the open source world, because, hey, linux + openoffice.org = nearly $1000 less than windows xp pro plus office 2003 pro, aka, free. there's plenty of people out there who get it, and love it.
the issue, linux is not QUITE as simple as windows, or as adaptable, things don't work quite the same, and there isn't as much support out there for new users. this means that, while it's possible to make almost all hardware (your scanner, printer, wacaom tablet, flash drive, external harddrive) work under linux, it's not always as simple as plugging it in and dropping a disc in the drive, sometimes you need to execute a couple of extra commands. also, while there are far more software packages for linux than there are for windows, and most of those are free, many of them do not work indentically with their windows counterparts. for many, the software side of things would be akin to owning a mac, own much cheaper.
this issue being worked on constantly, there are many dedicated people out there who are coding, and writing, and working hard to make the linux platform a viable option for as many users as possible. it's already getting closer every day. there are several pay for play versions out there that work very much like windows, and do nearly all the same things almost as easily (SUSE, Xandros, Red Hat), as well as some software that will allow you to use most of your windows software (WINE (a windows api layer)) and play your windows games (cedega, uhh, wine on steroids?)). all of these things are still far less expensive than windows.
now, to the point, you may be aware of the amazing linus torvald, the progenetor of the great linux system, who first wrote the kernel when he was a student 15 years ago. he became one of the most famous nerds on the planet, and had a real noteriety almost instantly. however, there is a lesser known nerd, who has a ludicrous amount of control over the future of linux, richard stallman. a man, who in 1985 formed the group the free software foundation. stallman has a radical vision that basically every peice of code on the planet should free. he is obstinant against copyright and patents, and because of his group, he actually holds the licensing rights to the major components that make up linux.
why is this a problem? he is in the process of rewriting the gpl to v3, the reasoning behind this is that he wishes to lock out big companies like ibm from being able to distribute anything with a single line of linux code that would block users from infringing on copyrighted and intellecutal propertys (think digital rights management), as well suing over patent infringments relating to linux. basically, he is trying to restrict the big players in the industry.
(to better understand the gpl (general public license) check out the free software foundation)
why is this a problem? well, we must look at this from the completely capitalist point of view. before, i mentioned that i love open source, and completely free software, but it isn't as well supported as systems like, say, windows. however, and this is a big however, there are linux packages that are built by companies such as ibm and novell (suse is one of my favorite linux flavors, especially opensuse) that you can pay for, which has licensed software built in, and works a better out of the box, and comes with support from the vendor. this is a good thing. stallman's bid would basically tear the linux community in two, making companies like ibm, who have invested millions of dollars, rethink their positions. many companies may stick with older versions because it is covered under the less restrictive license, and linux may suffer for years to come because of it.
here it is, we are at a point where the linux revolution, which has been slowly gaining ground over the years, may actually be in terrible peril. it is frustrating, because i strongly beleive in free software, but i understand that there is a point where money has to play a role in almost everything. there's just not enough people out there with the time, inclination, or general 'knack' to be able to start using linux without having some support. also, companies like tivo, which use linux, may have trouble growing as well, just like many mobile phone companies.
forbes has a great article about the situtation. check it out.
bah... i'm done ranting.
the issue, linux is not QUITE as simple as windows, or as adaptable, things don't work quite the same, and there isn't as much support out there for new users. this means that, while it's possible to make almost all hardware (your scanner, printer, wacaom tablet, flash drive, external harddrive) work under linux, it's not always as simple as plugging it in and dropping a disc in the drive, sometimes you need to execute a couple of extra commands. also, while there are far more software packages for linux than there are for windows, and most of those are free, many of them do not work indentically with their windows counterparts. for many, the software side of things would be akin to owning a mac, own much cheaper.
this issue being worked on constantly, there are many dedicated people out there who are coding, and writing, and working hard to make the linux platform a viable option for as many users as possible. it's already getting closer every day. there are several pay for play versions out there that work very much like windows, and do nearly all the same things almost as easily (SUSE, Xandros, Red Hat), as well as some software that will allow you to use most of your windows software (WINE (a windows api layer)) and play your windows games (cedega, uhh, wine on steroids?)). all of these things are still far less expensive than windows.
now, to the point, you may be aware of the amazing linus torvald, the progenetor of the great linux system, who first wrote the kernel when he was a student 15 years ago. he became one of the most famous nerds on the planet, and had a real noteriety almost instantly. however, there is a lesser known nerd, who has a ludicrous amount of control over the future of linux, richard stallman. a man, who in 1985 formed the group the free software foundation. stallman has a radical vision that basically every peice of code on the planet should free. he is obstinant against copyright and patents, and because of his group, he actually holds the licensing rights to the major components that make up linux.
why is this a problem? he is in the process of rewriting the gpl to v3, the reasoning behind this is that he wishes to lock out big companies like ibm from being able to distribute anything with a single line of linux code that would block users from infringing on copyrighted and intellecutal propertys (think digital rights management), as well suing over patent infringments relating to linux. basically, he is trying to restrict the big players in the industry.
(to better understand the gpl (general public license) check out the free software foundation)
why is this a problem? well, we must look at this from the completely capitalist point of view. before, i mentioned that i love open source, and completely free software, but it isn't as well supported as systems like, say, windows. however, and this is a big however, there are linux packages that are built by companies such as ibm and novell (suse is one of my favorite linux flavors, especially opensuse) that you can pay for, which has licensed software built in, and works a better out of the box, and comes with support from the vendor. this is a good thing. stallman's bid would basically tear the linux community in two, making companies like ibm, who have invested millions of dollars, rethink their positions. many companies may stick with older versions because it is covered under the less restrictive license, and linux may suffer for years to come because of it.
here it is, we are at a point where the linux revolution, which has been slowly gaining ground over the years, may actually be in terrible peril. it is frustrating, because i strongly beleive in free software, but i understand that there is a point where money has to play a role in almost everything. there's just not enough people out there with the time, inclination, or general 'knack' to be able to start using linux without having some support. also, companies like tivo, which use linux, may have trouble growing as well, just like many mobile phone companies.
forbes has a great article about the situtation. check it out.
bah... i'm done ranting.
the zombie survival guide!
so, max brooks, son of mel brooks, and staff writer for snl (they've done a couple of funny things!) wrote a guide book, the zombie survival guide. it is, without a doubt, the greatest guide to surviving zombie attacks. (if not the only...). it's a couple years old, and somehow i had missed it, until perusing the sale table at the local borders books. it's extremely toungue in cheek, and i kid you not when i say it's VERY comprehensive (when i use capital letters, i mean business!!!111!!!).
now that i've seen it, i find that really want to read his newer book world war z which is an oral history of the zomibe world war. looks hilarious.
i would like to take a moment to point out that i love the sillyness of zomibe horror flix, and any time i can take that joy to print, i will.
i also like walks on the beach in the moonlight, and coca-cola.
there's something to be said for gratuitous violence and tasteless gore.
when the zombies come, i'll be prepared!
now that i've seen it, i find that really want to read his newer book world war z which is an oral history of the zomibe world war. looks hilarious.
i would like to take a moment to point out that i love the sillyness of zomibe horror flix, and any time i can take that joy to print, i will.
i also like walks on the beach in the moonlight, and coca-cola.
there's something to be said for gratuitous violence and tasteless gore.
when the zombies come, i'll be prepared!
watch me go bugnuts with some weblinks!
1. i kicked the computer's ass in chess, lol... it was just fast is all, and it made me laugh, and i so enjoy laughing. sometimes computers are really dumb... cause i suck at chess, love to play it, just suck at it.
(please note, computers are not dumb, as a matter of fact, with very little exception, they have no intelligence of their own, they do what they are told to do, even if it isn't what you want them to do... insert some sort of sexist joke here)
1. You: e2 - e4
2. Comp: f7 - f6
3. You: d1 - h5 - Check
4. Comp: g7 - g6
5. You: f1 - e2
6. Comp: g6 - h5
7. You: e2 - h5 - Checkmate
2. these are batteries that are self contained, usb based, rechargable NiMH cells... they're not really all that exciting, but interesting at least. they run about $25 and take about 5 hours to charge... they don't seem useful yet, but still interesting...
www.usbcell.com
3. there is no three, it is only in your mind, be afraid.
4. banksy seems to have hit the big time... he's a graph artist of some interesting talent and skill...
an article:
www.timesonline.co.uk
his site:
www.banksy.co.uk
5. this guy will be blind soon, and as a close friend pointed out, alone, because even though his stuff is impressive, no chick wants to fuck a dude who makes microscopic art on the tips of pencils.
www.willard-wigan.com
6. hehe ... really little computers make me happy!!11!eleven! about the size of a pack of gum, these guys have developed intel xscale based linux running mini-computers... there are several flavors... and many expansions and options.
www.gumstix.com
7. at the mall, see the vending machines... what to get?
a 20oz bottle of coke $1.50
a bag of fritos $2.00
new cell phone ... huh, well what do you know?
8.spaceballs... the cartoon? mel brooks is clearly insane, but i for one am curious about this, and i'm wondering if this has anything to do with the sequel i heard about recently... it's still a rumor but the thought of so much hilarity coming out for the new generation makes me happy...
this concludes your adventures on the internet... you've now seen it all, please turn off your computers and find something else to do. ;)
(please note, computers are not dumb, as a matter of fact, with very little exception, they have no intelligence of their own, they do what they are told to do, even if it isn't what you want them to do... insert some sort of sexist joke here)
1. You: e2 - e4
2. Comp: f7 - f6
3. You: d1 - h5 - Check
4. Comp: g7 - g6
5. You: f1 - e2
6. Comp: g6 - h5
7. You: e2 - h5 - Checkmate
2. these are batteries that are self contained, usb based, rechargable NiMH cells... they're not really all that exciting, but interesting at least. they run about $25 and take about 5 hours to charge... they don't seem useful yet, but still interesting...
www.usbcell.com
3. there is no three, it is only in your mind, be afraid.
4. banksy seems to have hit the big time... he's a graph artist of some interesting talent and skill...
an article:
www.timesonline.co.uk
his site:
www.banksy.co.uk
5. this guy will be blind soon, and as a close friend pointed out, alone, because even though his stuff is impressive, no chick wants to fuck a dude who makes microscopic art on the tips of pencils.
www.willard-wigan.com
6. hehe ... really little computers make me happy!!11!eleven! about the size of a pack of gum, these guys have developed intel xscale based linux running mini-computers... there are several flavors... and many expansions and options.
www.gumstix.com
7. at the mall, see the vending machines... what to get?
a 20oz bottle of coke $1.50
a bag of fritos $2.00
new cell phone ... huh, well what do you know?
8.spaceballs... the cartoon? mel brooks is clearly insane, but i for one am curious about this, and i'm wondering if this has anything to do with the sequel i heard about recently... it's still a rumor but the thought of so much hilarity coming out for the new generation makes me happy...
this concludes your adventures on the internet... you've now seen it all, please turn off your computers and find something else to do. ;)
Thursday, October 19, 2006
oh how i love thee...
contrary to what the title might imply, this post is not about love. or thee. or perhaps it is, and i'm just trying to sidestep the topic at hand.
there're are a few points i want to make, you can read that as, 'a few things i want to ramble about'...
first, for the none of you that care, i am taking some vacation time for the first time in years. yes, you read that correctly, years. apart from the lag between jobs, lasting perhaps two to four days on a budget consisting of waiting for a final paycheck, and waiting for a first paycheck, i have not had any real time off. you might ask yourself, or, i might ask for you, as you aren't really reading this anyway: what are you going to do with this time off? i'll answer that one simply: nothing. i don't have any real concrete plans. i hope to spend some time with my children, and friends, and apart from that, however, i am not doing anything at all, except cooling off from work. i'm pretty burnt out, and it's definitely beginning to show (ask my superiors who i've been yelling at, or my colleagues, who i've been yelling at, or my customers, who don't exist, because i've been yelling at them). the bottom line is that i am going to try and relax a little. i deserve it. fuckers.
next, wow, i love the show heroes. now, if you know me, and none of you do, all 0 of my readers are fairly unfamiliar with me, but, if you know me, i'm a big comic book nerd. i have thousands of dollars (wasted in some eyes) worth of comic books. i haven't collected in several years, but, the bottom line is that, i love comics. i love reading them, writing them, pretending like i can draw them, colouring them... love love love love. heroes, therefore, is a natural body for me to gravitate towards. the story pops, the characters are intriguing, they are doing a phenominal job at keeping the pace without revealing too much. you have fun, you have thrills, you've got it all. if you haven't watched it yet, do yourself a favor, and get 'er done! if you never give it a chance, you might not ever know the depths to which you'd sink for it! ;)
you can see the last episode online at nbc.com or else, find a good invite only bit torrent site, and download all of the episodes so far (i call it my selective tivo... but shh... don't tell anyone, bittorrent is bad, mmkay?)
deftones released a new album??? omfgbbq!!!, why did noone tell me about it... i'm glad they didn't as i would have been waiting like a lunatic for it, which is bad, because i suck at anticipation (has my vacation started yet???). well, i have it, it makes me happy, and that's all i care about. it's good, not as great as their old stuff, but far better than their last album, even if the production value's not quite the same level. there's a really vile track called pink cellphone, which is just awful, i encourage you to check that out, in all its horrible glory (have i mentioned bittorrent?), also, there's a track called u, u, d, d, l, r, l, r, a, b, select, start, which, has had a hand in my nostolgic video game phase i recently found myself in... more about that in a moment... if you aren't familiar, this would be the infamaous konomi code (remember gradius, maybe?), it would be up up down down left right left right b a select start. there are many various konami slipped into various games, like the teenage mutant ninja turtles 2, which was, iirc, up up down down left right left right b a start... super gradius for the snes was up up down dwon left right l r b a start, and there were a couple variants on that. however, remembering that i haven't played these games since i the snes was popular, i might be a bit off base there.
i love super mario bros. there's nothing like playing the classic 8 bit beauty like this, and, being one of the few people you know that is a aware of not only the minus world, but how to get there. and duckhunt, omg, i just wanted to cap the shit out of that stupid dog when he laughs at you. so what if i missed a duck you fuckface, i'm holding the grey (or bright orange) plastic gun! i'm excited for the wii... nintendo should be recognized as my first real love. i had a subscription to nintendo power for christ's sakes. i still find myself humming the theme to the legend of zelda, or whistling the mario theme... worst part about mario, is that i change from world 1-1 to 2-1 almost in real time, as is used to sound when i got there, sometimes i throw in the sound of the pipes too... ba ba ba babababa ba da ba bada ba ba bababum, do do dodo doot doot... wtf?
battlefield 2142 dropped... wow, i'm not spending money on that. but i'll get around to it. looks great, but waaay more involved than i can be on a multi-player game. i wish i had the time to devote to the old 10 hour straight gaming sessions. seriously, i thought i was making real friends. i wonder what happened to folks like hudson, and shibby, and sadistic, and thundercatt, and all the other retarded as handles people i knew used, of course, i still keep in touch with a lot of people from my 'video game days', and i still play enough video games to keep myself pasified, but, i don't play online much anymore. i'm wondering how long 'til i've reverted myself back to full fledged z00b? i can just be an npc, does that count???
so, it occurs to me, that i will soon officially roll over to 26, which means, i'm on the slippery slope to 30... fuck. that just sucks. i'm gonna be officially old soon, and i can already feel myself losing touch with so many of the youngens... dammit. i wanna be a hip dad, not the dad who wants to be hip, but the one that actually is. shitcockballs! oh well, i figure, i'm getting too old to care though, right?
ever notice that fuck is truly the most versatile word, i can't get over it. well, it's not a word so much as a mis-used acronym; forbiddden unlawful carnal knowledge... but still. it's awesome.
enough about that. why do i feel the way i do. why am i so indecisive. why am i such a chicken? i'm not really... but i am. i wanna just say this is what i want, let's do it. but whatever. i suck at life. forgive my rambling...
i'm going to answer my bed, she's been calling, and i need to get back to her.
goodnight fuckers! ;)
(blogs are stupid!)
-->p s <-- is what the alphabet would look like without q. and r.
^o^ >_< O¿O
7h15 15 1n3n714||y wr1773n 1n |337 5p33k (4u53 1 r0xx0rz 4nd j00 5uxx0rz z008|37!
61 6e 64 20 74 68 69 73 20 69 73 20 77 72 69 74 74 65 6e 20 69 6e 20 68 65 78 2c 20 62 65 63 61 75 73 65 2c 20 6c 65 74 27 73 20 66 61 63 65 20 69 74 2c 20 69 66 20 79 6f 75 20 63 61 6e 27 74 20 72 65 61 64 20 68 65 78 2c 20 79 6f 75 20 61 72 65 20 6a 75 73 74 20 61 20 66 75 63 6b 62 61 67 20 6f 66 20 6c 69 66 65 6c 65 73 73 6e 65 73 73 2e 2e 2e
!!!!gmo !!!sdrawkca ssab lla s'ti ,siht ta kool ,yllanif dna
DES 8 byte key?
uDyBZFW5cZMO6U4j1ROaLPjRgCdBo7EZIZMpcxDQLdD0QVeSy21/3s1f6jWPxGOb
there're are a few points i want to make, you can read that as, 'a few things i want to ramble about'...
first, for the none of you that care, i am taking some vacation time for the first time in years. yes, you read that correctly, years. apart from the lag between jobs, lasting perhaps two to four days on a budget consisting of waiting for a final paycheck, and waiting for a first paycheck, i have not had any real time off. you might ask yourself, or, i might ask for you, as you aren't really reading this anyway: what are you going to do with this time off? i'll answer that one simply: nothing. i don't have any real concrete plans. i hope to spend some time with my children, and friends, and apart from that, however, i am not doing anything at all, except cooling off from work. i'm pretty burnt out, and it's definitely beginning to show (ask my superiors who i've been yelling at, or my colleagues, who i've been yelling at, or my customers, who don't exist, because i've been yelling at them). the bottom line is that i am going to try and relax a little. i deserve it. fuckers.
next, wow, i love the show heroes. now, if you know me, and none of you do, all 0 of my readers are fairly unfamiliar with me, but, if you know me, i'm a big comic book nerd. i have thousands of dollars (wasted in some eyes) worth of comic books. i haven't collected in several years, but, the bottom line is that, i love comics. i love reading them, writing them, pretending like i can draw them, colouring them... love love love love. heroes, therefore, is a natural body for me to gravitate towards. the story pops, the characters are intriguing, they are doing a phenominal job at keeping the pace without revealing too much. you have fun, you have thrills, you've got it all. if you haven't watched it yet, do yourself a favor, and get 'er done! if you never give it a chance, you might not ever know the depths to which you'd sink for it! ;)
you can see the last episode online at nbc.com or else, find a good invite only bit torrent site, and download all of the episodes so far (i call it my selective tivo... but shh... don't tell anyone, bittorrent is bad, mmkay?)
deftones released a new album??? omfgbbq!!!, why did noone tell me about it... i'm glad they didn't as i would have been waiting like a lunatic for it, which is bad, because i suck at anticipation (has my vacation started yet???). well, i have it, it makes me happy, and that's all i care about. it's good, not as great as their old stuff, but far better than their last album, even if the production value's not quite the same level. there's a really vile track called pink cellphone, which is just awful, i encourage you to check that out, in all its horrible glory (have i mentioned bittorrent?), also, there's a track called u, u, d, d, l, r, l, r, a, b, select, start, which, has had a hand in my nostolgic video game phase i recently found myself in... more about that in a moment... if you aren't familiar, this would be the infamaous konomi code (remember gradius, maybe?), it would be up up down down left right left right b a select start. there are many various konami slipped into various games, like the teenage mutant ninja turtles 2, which was, iirc, up up down down left right left right b a start... super gradius for the snes was up up down dwon left right l r b a start, and there were a couple variants on that. however, remembering that i haven't played these games since i the snes was popular, i might be a bit off base there.
i love super mario bros. there's nothing like playing the classic 8 bit beauty like this, and, being one of the few people you know that is a aware of not only the minus world, but how to get there. and duckhunt, omg, i just wanted to cap the shit out of that stupid dog when he laughs at you. so what if i missed a duck you fuckface, i'm holding the grey (or bright orange) plastic gun! i'm excited for the wii... nintendo should be recognized as my first real love. i had a subscription to nintendo power for christ's sakes. i still find myself humming the theme to the legend of zelda, or whistling the mario theme... worst part about mario, is that i change from world 1-1 to 2-1 almost in real time, as is used to sound when i got there, sometimes i throw in the sound of the pipes too... ba ba ba babababa ba da ba bada ba ba bababum, do do dodo doot doot... wtf?
battlefield 2142 dropped... wow, i'm not spending money on that. but i'll get around to it. looks great, but waaay more involved than i can be on a multi-player game. i wish i had the time to devote to the old 10 hour straight gaming sessions. seriously, i thought i was making real friends. i wonder what happened to folks like hudson, and shibby, and sadistic, and thundercatt, and all the other retarded as handles people i knew used, of course, i still keep in touch with a lot of people from my 'video game days', and i still play enough video games to keep myself pasified, but, i don't play online much anymore. i'm wondering how long 'til i've reverted myself back to full fledged z00b? i can just be an npc, does that count???
so, it occurs to me, that i will soon officially roll over to 26, which means, i'm on the slippery slope to 30... fuck. that just sucks. i'm gonna be officially old soon, and i can already feel myself losing touch with so many of the youngens... dammit. i wanna be a hip dad, not the dad who wants to be hip, but the one that actually is. shitcockballs! oh well, i figure, i'm getting too old to care though, right?
ever notice that fuck is truly the most versatile word, i can't get over it. well, it's not a word so much as a mis-used acronym; forbiddden unlawful carnal knowledge... but still. it's awesome.
enough about that. why do i feel the way i do. why am i so indecisive. why am i such a chicken? i'm not really... but i am. i wanna just say this is what i want, let's do it. but whatever. i suck at life. forgive my rambling...
i'm going to answer my bed, she's been calling, and i need to get back to her.
goodnight fuckers! ;)
(blogs are stupid!)
-->p s <-- is what the alphabet would look like without q. and r.
^o^ >_< O¿O
7h15 15 1n3n714||y wr1773n 1n |337 5p33k (4u53 1 r0xx0rz 4nd j00 5uxx0rz z008|37!
61 6e 64 20 74 68 69 73 20 69 73 20 77 72 69 74 74 65 6e 20 69 6e 20 68 65 78 2c 20 62 65 63 61 75 73 65 2c 20 6c 65 74 27 73 20 66 61 63 65 20 69 74 2c 20 69 66 20 79 6f 75 20 63 61 6e 27 74 20 72 65 61 64 20 68 65 78 2c 20 79 6f 75 20 61 72 65 20 6a 75 73 74 20 61 20 66 75 63 6b 62 61 67 20 6f 66 20 6c 69 66 65 6c 65 73 73 6e 65 73 73 2e 2e 2e
!!!!gmo !!!sdrawkca ssab lla s'ti ,siht ta kool ,yllanif dna
DES 8 byte key?
uDyBZFW5cZMO6U4j1ROaLPjRgCdBo7EZIZMpcxDQLdD0QVeSy21/3s1f6jWPxGOb
Sunday, October 15, 2006
a beginning... ?
"what was that?" she hissed, her eyes were large and round, her short curly hair waving softly in the night breeze.
he hadn't heard it. "what was what?" he asked, his voice carrying out through the trees, the last crunch of leaves under his shoe as he stopped when she'd grabbed his arm. he looked back and saw her face and realized something had spooked her, he chuckled a little, but quietly.
"i heard soemthing, like a growl... and footsteps... you didn't hear it?" she was whispering, almost so quietly that he couldn't hear her, the autumn wind rustling the wind all around them.
"it was only the wind," he said, the humor draining from his face.
she didn't move, until he finally grabbed her hand off his arm, and held it, looking her right in the eyes and said, "just the wind."
her shoulders fell, the fight or flight reflexes relaxing slighty, as she let herself exhale slowly, following it with a deep inhalation. he was probably right she though, but it had sounded so real.
she nodded, and he turned, still holding her hand, and started again leading her back to the s.u.v. still parked on the road only about a hundered yards ahead of them. they'd stopped driving because the night was beautiful, and she'd wanted a walk in the woods, she loved the fall, and the leaves, and they knew the river was only a short distance off the road. what was the harm, he thought, they were in the middle of nowhere, and they'd been driving for hours already. a short break before he continued their drive home would be fine. they had changed out of their formal wear for the reception and were dressed warmly enough.
it was dark as midnight, but that was only the time of year, it was about 8 o'clock now. the moon was bright, but out here, it didn't help that much, not in these trees. it was beautfiul and bright on the river, the water sparkling, you could even make out many of the colors in the trees along the bank. they stood together, hand in hand, enjoying the beauty together. it had been a good night all around, the wedding had been fun, even if it was so far away, and he was glad she came with him to see one of his best friends get married.
he still couldn't believe how fortunate he was to have found her, she was the most beautiful women he'd ever known. she had a rare beauty, a quality in her eyes, and her smile, she was the only person who could melt his normally stoney heart. she felt small and fragile next to his muscular physique, and he liked how powerful he felt when he was around her. he liked the way that he felt like he was her protection from the rest of the world. her eyes were the richest brown, like her hair, which was chin length and curly, and he could stare at her for hours. he was in love, and she was the first person he'd ever said it too.
she loved the way he held her close, and tight, the way he made her feel safe. she loved how much he adored her, and in turn, she adored him. she didn't normally find herself attracted to the big muscle type, but for some reason, his persistance had softened her, and when she'd finally realized that he wasn't just some stupid jock, but a sweet and intelligent man, she gave in to him. their first real date was merely a walk in the park, and she knew then that she loved him. her demure hand buried in his burly mitt as they walked on a warm saturday afternoon. she loved the idea of them.
tonight, she was glad he was there, because, if there was something out there, she knew he'd protect them. and he was right, she thought, it probably was just the wind, or maybe an animal spooked by their being in it's domain, either way, soon they'd be back in his car heading home. she was tired, and longed to fall asleep in the passenger seat, her hand resting on his.
the wind blew again, and again she thought she heard a deep growl somehwere behind them. this time, however, he stopped, his head snapping around, scanning the trees they'd just passed through. she closed what little distance between them there'd been, and put her hands up on his wide shoulders, "you heard it too, didn't you," she whispered behind him.
"yes," he said, now he was whispering too. they stood like this for a longer than she'd wanted, but he wasn't running, so, she wasn't too worried yet.
"what do you think it is," she asked him, her voice trembled slightly.
he just shook his head and kept scanning the trees, looking for something. she thought she saw something yellow flash between two large oaks, but it was gone just as quickly. you're just scared, she told herself. you're afraid of the unknown.
"i don't know for sure," he was finally answered.
still, he watched, he was tense, she could feel the muscles in his back tightening, and now she was starting to get scared, "i'm scared."
"it's okay," his voice was low, but very matter of fact. he was trying to calm her down, and she knew it, it didn't help.
"ok, start walking, straight the way we'd been going, i'm going to be right behind you," he said it, and she knew something didn't sound right about it. he was definitely scared. she felt him reaching in his pocket, and he pulled out his keys and handed them to her.
"ok," was all she could say, she didn't know how else to respond. she took her first timid step foward, the crunching of leaves resuming, even though she was trying to walk as quietly as possible. she glanced over her shoulder, to see if he was following, he was, watching over his shoulder as he went.
they walked, in near silence, another twenty paces, before another breeze brought another sound but this time, off to their left, maybe a little further than the last.
"keep going," he said, he touched the small of her back, coaxing her to go.
the next growl came from behind them again, and they quickened their step a little bit, and walked, the crunching under their feet more pronounced than before. the wind rustling what little leaves left in the trees over their heads.
they continued forward, one step after the other, keeping a steady cadence going in her mind, she forced herself on, trying to ignore the fear, the urge to run headlong through the darkness. he stayed right behind her, his hand on her shoulder now for support, he squeezed it softly. another wind came up, and the growls now seemed to come from all around them, accompanied by a foul odor, not unlike the rotting flesh of an animal on the side of the road.
"stop," he hissed under his breath, "they're boxing us in"
"they?" she asked, not sure she'd heard him right, he didn't respond, but stood there, breathing, and she could feel the heartbeat throbbing just behind her ears. she swalloed hard.
the air suddenly went calm, and there wasn't anything to be heard but her short, panicy breaths, her heart pounding out a quick rhythm in her chest.
then there was a roar, deafening, unearthly, a voice rasied in clear and ferocious anger, joined quickly by many other voices all roaring and screaming into the night, it was like the lion at the zoo, but louder, more violent. she swung her head around left and right, and this time she saw the eyes, glowing yellow things, catlike, looming a few feet off in blackness all around them, there were at least 10 pairs of them. she locked her eyes forward again, and saw that there was a silhouette, a massive shape, with the same evil glowing eyes, right in front of them, right where they needed to go.
then another growl, different than the others, more gutteral, right behind her, so close, that she screamed as she spun on heel. but, instead of her powerful, protective boyfriend, there stood a creature of pure black, shining in what little light there was. she looked up at it's head, it stood at least 8 feet tall, it had eyes that glowed blood red, the same cat like quality remained. it's skin was covered in long spike-like protrutions ending in sharp points like shoots of onyx, and it's head seemed to have a mane of them, that came down it's neck and stuck out from it's back. it looked down at her.
it spoke, it's voice as deep as it's growl, gutteral, powerful, "honey, get down!"
then the attack came, there was pounding on the ground, and she fell immediately down, the earth shaking beneath her belly as she covered her head. there was a sound like scraping metal, and she felt the air all around her moving in different directions. growling, roaring, and whincing like a dog being struck, and only a few minutes, that felt like hours, it was over, and she lay on a now still ground, sobbing nearly hysterically.
"it's over dear, you can get up..." his voice was normal, not the grating animal sounds she'd just heard him make moments before, "i'm going to need to explain a few things," was all he said, as he stared at her.
she looked up, he was completely naked, but he was himself again, he was the man she knew. a numbness washed over her, as she stared at him in sheer disbelief.
"you're bleeding," she said, noticing a huge gash he was covering on his arm, from which was pouring blood through his fingers like water out of a pitcher. he winced when he took his hand off and he looked down at it; a massive tear in the flesh hung open.
"it'll be fine in a few minutes," he stood up and offered her his hand, but recinded it, realizing that it was soaked with blood. "we, need to get to the car, they won't stay away, i merely scared them by taking down the alpha." he jerked his head back a little bit, and she saw, lying in a small heap, the evicerated remains of a woman with long black hair, also completely nude.
she vomited, violently ejecting wedding cake, bloody mary, and the chicken, not the fish. he bent down and picked her up in his powerful arms, and began carrying her, her legs becoming soaked in the blood flowing from his upper arm. the numbness was still there. comprehension was beyond her.
"i'm going to have to tell you a story," he said, "a story of why those people tried to kill us tonight, it's a very long story, a story that spans many hundereds of years, and when i'm done..." he paused, not breaking stride, he wasn't even out of breath, she looked at his face and saw there were tears welling up in his eyes, "when i'm done, you're going to have to make a very difficult decision."
he hadn't heard it. "what was what?" he asked, his voice carrying out through the trees, the last crunch of leaves under his shoe as he stopped when she'd grabbed his arm. he looked back and saw her face and realized something had spooked her, he chuckled a little, but quietly.
"i heard soemthing, like a growl... and footsteps... you didn't hear it?" she was whispering, almost so quietly that he couldn't hear her, the autumn wind rustling the wind all around them.
"it was only the wind," he said, the humor draining from his face.
she didn't move, until he finally grabbed her hand off his arm, and held it, looking her right in the eyes and said, "just the wind."
her shoulders fell, the fight or flight reflexes relaxing slighty, as she let herself exhale slowly, following it with a deep inhalation. he was probably right she though, but it had sounded so real.
she nodded, and he turned, still holding her hand, and started again leading her back to the s.u.v. still parked on the road only about a hundered yards ahead of them. they'd stopped driving because the night was beautiful, and she'd wanted a walk in the woods, she loved the fall, and the leaves, and they knew the river was only a short distance off the road. what was the harm, he thought, they were in the middle of nowhere, and they'd been driving for hours already. a short break before he continued their drive home would be fine. they had changed out of their formal wear for the reception and were dressed warmly enough.
it was dark as midnight, but that was only the time of year, it was about 8 o'clock now. the moon was bright, but out here, it didn't help that much, not in these trees. it was beautfiul and bright on the river, the water sparkling, you could even make out many of the colors in the trees along the bank. they stood together, hand in hand, enjoying the beauty together. it had been a good night all around, the wedding had been fun, even if it was so far away, and he was glad she came with him to see one of his best friends get married.
he still couldn't believe how fortunate he was to have found her, she was the most beautiful women he'd ever known. she had a rare beauty, a quality in her eyes, and her smile, she was the only person who could melt his normally stoney heart. she felt small and fragile next to his muscular physique, and he liked how powerful he felt when he was around her. he liked the way that he felt like he was her protection from the rest of the world. her eyes were the richest brown, like her hair, which was chin length and curly, and he could stare at her for hours. he was in love, and she was the first person he'd ever said it too.
she loved the way he held her close, and tight, the way he made her feel safe. she loved how much he adored her, and in turn, she adored him. she didn't normally find herself attracted to the big muscle type, but for some reason, his persistance had softened her, and when she'd finally realized that he wasn't just some stupid jock, but a sweet and intelligent man, she gave in to him. their first real date was merely a walk in the park, and she knew then that she loved him. her demure hand buried in his burly mitt as they walked on a warm saturday afternoon. she loved the idea of them.
tonight, she was glad he was there, because, if there was something out there, she knew he'd protect them. and he was right, she thought, it probably was just the wind, or maybe an animal spooked by their being in it's domain, either way, soon they'd be back in his car heading home. she was tired, and longed to fall asleep in the passenger seat, her hand resting on his.
the wind blew again, and again she thought she heard a deep growl somehwere behind them. this time, however, he stopped, his head snapping around, scanning the trees they'd just passed through. she closed what little distance between them there'd been, and put her hands up on his wide shoulders, "you heard it too, didn't you," she whispered behind him.
"yes," he said, now he was whispering too. they stood like this for a longer than she'd wanted, but he wasn't running, so, she wasn't too worried yet.
"what do you think it is," she asked him, her voice trembled slightly.
he just shook his head and kept scanning the trees, looking for something. she thought she saw something yellow flash between two large oaks, but it was gone just as quickly. you're just scared, she told herself. you're afraid of the unknown.
"i don't know for sure," he was finally answered.
still, he watched, he was tense, she could feel the muscles in his back tightening, and now she was starting to get scared, "i'm scared."
"it's okay," his voice was low, but very matter of fact. he was trying to calm her down, and she knew it, it didn't help.
"ok, start walking, straight the way we'd been going, i'm going to be right behind you," he said it, and she knew something didn't sound right about it. he was definitely scared. she felt him reaching in his pocket, and he pulled out his keys and handed them to her.
"ok," was all she could say, she didn't know how else to respond. she took her first timid step foward, the crunching of leaves resuming, even though she was trying to walk as quietly as possible. she glanced over her shoulder, to see if he was following, he was, watching over his shoulder as he went.
they walked, in near silence, another twenty paces, before another breeze brought another sound but this time, off to their left, maybe a little further than the last.
"keep going," he said, he touched the small of her back, coaxing her to go.
the next growl came from behind them again, and they quickened their step a little bit, and walked, the crunching under their feet more pronounced than before. the wind rustling what little leaves left in the trees over their heads.
they continued forward, one step after the other, keeping a steady cadence going in her mind, she forced herself on, trying to ignore the fear, the urge to run headlong through the darkness. he stayed right behind her, his hand on her shoulder now for support, he squeezed it softly. another wind came up, and the growls now seemed to come from all around them, accompanied by a foul odor, not unlike the rotting flesh of an animal on the side of the road.
"stop," he hissed under his breath, "they're boxing us in"
"they?" she asked, not sure she'd heard him right, he didn't respond, but stood there, breathing, and she could feel the heartbeat throbbing just behind her ears. she swalloed hard.
the air suddenly went calm, and there wasn't anything to be heard but her short, panicy breaths, her heart pounding out a quick rhythm in her chest.
then there was a roar, deafening, unearthly, a voice rasied in clear and ferocious anger, joined quickly by many other voices all roaring and screaming into the night, it was like the lion at the zoo, but louder, more violent. she swung her head around left and right, and this time she saw the eyes, glowing yellow things, catlike, looming a few feet off in blackness all around them, there were at least 10 pairs of them. she locked her eyes forward again, and saw that there was a silhouette, a massive shape, with the same evil glowing eyes, right in front of them, right where they needed to go.
then another growl, different than the others, more gutteral, right behind her, so close, that she screamed as she spun on heel. but, instead of her powerful, protective boyfriend, there stood a creature of pure black, shining in what little light there was. she looked up at it's head, it stood at least 8 feet tall, it had eyes that glowed blood red, the same cat like quality remained. it's skin was covered in long spike-like protrutions ending in sharp points like shoots of onyx, and it's head seemed to have a mane of them, that came down it's neck and stuck out from it's back. it looked down at her.
it spoke, it's voice as deep as it's growl, gutteral, powerful, "honey, get down!"
then the attack came, there was pounding on the ground, and she fell immediately down, the earth shaking beneath her belly as she covered her head. there was a sound like scraping metal, and she felt the air all around her moving in different directions. growling, roaring, and whincing like a dog being struck, and only a few minutes, that felt like hours, it was over, and she lay on a now still ground, sobbing nearly hysterically.
"it's over dear, you can get up..." his voice was normal, not the grating animal sounds she'd just heard him make moments before, "i'm going to need to explain a few things," was all he said, as he stared at her.
she looked up, he was completely naked, but he was himself again, he was the man she knew. a numbness washed over her, as she stared at him in sheer disbelief.
"you're bleeding," she said, noticing a huge gash he was covering on his arm, from which was pouring blood through his fingers like water out of a pitcher. he winced when he took his hand off and he looked down at it; a massive tear in the flesh hung open.
"it'll be fine in a few minutes," he stood up and offered her his hand, but recinded it, realizing that it was soaked with blood. "we, need to get to the car, they won't stay away, i merely scared them by taking down the alpha." he jerked his head back a little bit, and she saw, lying in a small heap, the evicerated remains of a woman with long black hair, also completely nude.
she vomited, violently ejecting wedding cake, bloody mary, and the chicken, not the fish. he bent down and picked her up in his powerful arms, and began carrying her, her legs becoming soaked in the blood flowing from his upper arm. the numbness was still there. comprehension was beyond her.
"i'm going to have to tell you a story," he said, "a story of why those people tried to kill us tonight, it's a very long story, a story that spans many hundereds of years, and when i'm done..." he paused, not breaking stride, he wasn't even out of breath, she looked at his face and saw there were tears welling up in his eyes, "when i'm done, you're going to have to make a very difficult decision."
why is it so hard to say?
in the silence, there was nothing but rapt attention. she sat, listening, straining to hear. he sat, saying nothing, but he didn't hear the same thing she did. she heard his oppurtunity to say something, to tell her how he felt, he only heard her soft breath just a few feet away.
it was dark, and they sat there, no one saying anything. he longed to tell her how he felt, but that was not to be, he was afraid. he had always been afraid, and, as far as he was concerned, never very good at relationships to begin with, and he truly didn't want to ruin this one. she just wanted for him to say something, anything, that would make her feel good. but, the silence stretched out between them, further and further.
it had been a good night, like so many others. but this night, she realized something, something about the way he was acting, the way he touched her, the way he didn't touch her, something about him had changed, and maybe, something about her had changed as well. they'd known each other forever, and perhaps longer, sometimes it seemed. they could finish each other's sentences, but even years ago, they had decided that romance between them would be impossible, they were best friends. now though, she wasn't so sure.
this night, they went to the show, they watched one of their favorite bands up on stage, the little, trendy club was packed. it was a favortie hang out for teens and they were no exception, even as they were approaching their 20's. punk rock, indie, and occasionally hardcore and metal bands had been across the stage, which was nothing more than a small wooden platform that almost looked to be made of old pallets, rather than good lumber. this he noticed, because he'd worked at a lumberyard since he was 16.
tonight, the music was good, it pulsed, their ears rang, it flowed through them, and they danced, and sang along. there was something about this band that always made the two of them feel good, as if they were the only two people in that small back room turned venue. the songs ranged from heavy, angsty, scream songs, to soft ballads of emotional dischord. the band played for hours, longer, than any of their previous sets, and all who attended felt they'd gotten their cover's worth.
their night began, as it often did, with pizza, and not just any pizza, the best pizza in the state, the menu said so very clearly, and both were inclined to agree. tonight, they shared a particularly good thai chicken pizza, which they'd always argued about getting, until one day, he said yes, she finally gave in, and he gloated the whole time as she admitted she loved it. they talked about everything.
he told her about his job, she told him about her classes, they talked about the show they'd seen a few days before, and he told her about a television show he'd started watching, and had become addicted to, she laughed at him. they discussed their current relationships, his was good, but he wanted something more, and couldn't figure out what it was, hers was not good, and he told her he was sorry, and that he couldn't understand how anyone could treat her wrong. then he put his hand on hers, and they locked eyes, but only for a moment. maybe, she could see something that had been right in front of her all along.
they waited outside the doors in the cold, to have one last cigarette before going in for the show. they both cursed the city's ban on smoking indoors, and he said he hated how he couldn't look as cool as possible without standing outside. she laughed at him, and he said something, but she didn't catch it. he wouldn't repeat it, even though she hit him a few times to get it out of him. if she'd heard him, the night might have been very different.
while the band played, they moved with the throng, but entirely seperate from it, they were jumping, throwing their hands in the air. one of the last songs was a beautiful love song, and the two of them slow danced, like they always did for this track, but this time it was different, he held her tighter, and she allowed herself to get swept away by him, and the song ended far sooner than either would have liked, an eternity would not have been long enough.
one more song and it was over, and they waited afterward to congratulate the band on a great set, and they stood around, chatting a bit, talking about upcoming shows, and the bands new cd, which, everyone had agreed, even the band, was not their best. but they had something new coming, and if the two of them wanted, they could come check out the show a few cities over in just a few weeks when they were going to throw in some of the new tracks, just to see how they sound before they hit the studio with them. it sounded like a great idea, and they said they would definitely be there.
it was almost two in the morning whent hey both plopped down in the rusty old b.m.w. he'd inherited from his dad, it was small, and ran horribly, but it got him from a to b with minimal effort, and he'd hardly had to put a dime into it. she laid her head on his shoulder before they'd even made it out of the parking lot, and was snoring softly when they arrived at her run down apartment building on the other side of the city. he'd listened to her in near silence while a mixed c.d. played almost too quietly on a deck that was worth more than the car, watching the downtown buildings pass by, watching the people and places, become more and more sparse as the streets went on and on.
he hated to wake her up, but he did, and he walked her up to her apartment as he always did, and went inside behind her. she didn't turn on the lights, so the only illumination was the soft neon glow of the bar across the street, and they both fell into an old threadbare green sofa with a pair of soft thumps. he wasn't tired at all, and didn't want to leave here, didn't want to go home to his parents house, where he was embarrassed to be still living. soon, he told himself, soon he'd finally get his own place.
in the darkness, he watched her, she watched him back, and no one said anything, and the only sound was the occasional car passing by only a couple stories below, on a street that was damp from condensation the tires made a wet noise that for some reason comforted them both.
he opened his mouth, twice, but closed it quickly. he didn't know what to say, or at least, he didn't know how to say it. he wanted her to know, and he didn't know how it was that his feelings had changed, but they had, and he was painfully aware that friendship was not enough.
"god, that was a great show," she said, and he exhaled in a sigh that had been building up, thankful she'd broken the silence for him. she hated herself for it, she wanted him to say it, she could feel it too, if he'd just said something, they'd both feel better. she didn't know how hard he'd tried.
"i know, they've never played that well!" he was being over excited, why? just say something, is all he thought.
"yeah, although, that first band, what were they called? whatever, they sucked pretty hard." she said this, as if she were grasping to find soemthing to say, which she was.
"yeah, but they weren't on for long, at least..." his voice trailed off, but came back before he could stop himself, "well, you're tired, i should probably go."
"oh," she said, desperate for him to hear the dissapointment in her voice, "you can stay a little longer, unless you need to go..."
"yeah, i probably should, i have to get up ina few hours," his mind raced, why couldn't he just say it?
"ok, well," she stopped, don't say it she thought.
"goodnight," he said, and he was already at her door.
"goodnight, her voice followed, and then there was a soft click of the door opening, then closing. and the silence returned, and remained. she stayed on the couch, and wrapped her arms around herself, wishing they were his.
he walked down the stairs, stopping twice, thinking about going back up, but in the end, he was opening his car door, cursing his cowardice. he looked up, to see if she'd turned a light on, but it was still dark in her window, and he started his car, which rumbled to life reluctantly. foot on the clutch, he shifted into first, and felt a pain in his gut, in his heart, in his soul, and he drove off, wondering if he'd ever be able to tell her how he felt. scared to death that she'd never feel the same way.
it was dark, and they sat there, no one saying anything. he longed to tell her how he felt, but that was not to be, he was afraid. he had always been afraid, and, as far as he was concerned, never very good at relationships to begin with, and he truly didn't want to ruin this one. she just wanted for him to say something, anything, that would make her feel good. but, the silence stretched out between them, further and further.
it had been a good night, like so many others. but this night, she realized something, something about the way he was acting, the way he touched her, the way he didn't touch her, something about him had changed, and maybe, something about her had changed as well. they'd known each other forever, and perhaps longer, sometimes it seemed. they could finish each other's sentences, but even years ago, they had decided that romance between them would be impossible, they were best friends. now though, she wasn't so sure.
this night, they went to the show, they watched one of their favorite bands up on stage, the little, trendy club was packed. it was a favortie hang out for teens and they were no exception, even as they were approaching their 20's. punk rock, indie, and occasionally hardcore and metal bands had been across the stage, which was nothing more than a small wooden platform that almost looked to be made of old pallets, rather than good lumber. this he noticed, because he'd worked at a lumberyard since he was 16.
tonight, the music was good, it pulsed, their ears rang, it flowed through them, and they danced, and sang along. there was something about this band that always made the two of them feel good, as if they were the only two people in that small back room turned venue. the songs ranged from heavy, angsty, scream songs, to soft ballads of emotional dischord. the band played for hours, longer, than any of their previous sets, and all who attended felt they'd gotten their cover's worth.
their night began, as it often did, with pizza, and not just any pizza, the best pizza in the state, the menu said so very clearly, and both were inclined to agree. tonight, they shared a particularly good thai chicken pizza, which they'd always argued about getting, until one day, he said yes, she finally gave in, and he gloated the whole time as she admitted she loved it. they talked about everything.
he told her about his job, she told him about her classes, they talked about the show they'd seen a few days before, and he told her about a television show he'd started watching, and had become addicted to, she laughed at him. they discussed their current relationships, his was good, but he wanted something more, and couldn't figure out what it was, hers was not good, and he told her he was sorry, and that he couldn't understand how anyone could treat her wrong. then he put his hand on hers, and they locked eyes, but only for a moment. maybe, she could see something that had been right in front of her all along.
they waited outside the doors in the cold, to have one last cigarette before going in for the show. they both cursed the city's ban on smoking indoors, and he said he hated how he couldn't look as cool as possible without standing outside. she laughed at him, and he said something, but she didn't catch it. he wouldn't repeat it, even though she hit him a few times to get it out of him. if she'd heard him, the night might have been very different.
while the band played, they moved with the throng, but entirely seperate from it, they were jumping, throwing their hands in the air. one of the last songs was a beautiful love song, and the two of them slow danced, like they always did for this track, but this time it was different, he held her tighter, and she allowed herself to get swept away by him, and the song ended far sooner than either would have liked, an eternity would not have been long enough.
one more song and it was over, and they waited afterward to congratulate the band on a great set, and they stood around, chatting a bit, talking about upcoming shows, and the bands new cd, which, everyone had agreed, even the band, was not their best. but they had something new coming, and if the two of them wanted, they could come check out the show a few cities over in just a few weeks when they were going to throw in some of the new tracks, just to see how they sound before they hit the studio with them. it sounded like a great idea, and they said they would definitely be there.
it was almost two in the morning whent hey both plopped down in the rusty old b.m.w. he'd inherited from his dad, it was small, and ran horribly, but it got him from a to b with minimal effort, and he'd hardly had to put a dime into it. she laid her head on his shoulder before they'd even made it out of the parking lot, and was snoring softly when they arrived at her run down apartment building on the other side of the city. he'd listened to her in near silence while a mixed c.d. played almost too quietly on a deck that was worth more than the car, watching the downtown buildings pass by, watching the people and places, become more and more sparse as the streets went on and on.
he hated to wake her up, but he did, and he walked her up to her apartment as he always did, and went inside behind her. she didn't turn on the lights, so the only illumination was the soft neon glow of the bar across the street, and they both fell into an old threadbare green sofa with a pair of soft thumps. he wasn't tired at all, and didn't want to leave here, didn't want to go home to his parents house, where he was embarrassed to be still living. soon, he told himself, soon he'd finally get his own place.
in the darkness, he watched her, she watched him back, and no one said anything, and the only sound was the occasional car passing by only a couple stories below, on a street that was damp from condensation the tires made a wet noise that for some reason comforted them both.
he opened his mouth, twice, but closed it quickly. he didn't know what to say, or at least, he didn't know how to say it. he wanted her to know, and he didn't know how it was that his feelings had changed, but they had, and he was painfully aware that friendship was not enough.
"god, that was a great show," she said, and he exhaled in a sigh that had been building up, thankful she'd broken the silence for him. she hated herself for it, she wanted him to say it, she could feel it too, if he'd just said something, they'd both feel better. she didn't know how hard he'd tried.
"i know, they've never played that well!" he was being over excited, why? just say something, is all he thought.
"yeah, although, that first band, what were they called? whatever, they sucked pretty hard." she said this, as if she were grasping to find soemthing to say, which she was.
"yeah, but they weren't on for long, at least..." his voice trailed off, but came back before he could stop himself, "well, you're tired, i should probably go."
"oh," she said, desperate for him to hear the dissapointment in her voice, "you can stay a little longer, unless you need to go..."
"yeah, i probably should, i have to get up ina few hours," his mind raced, why couldn't he just say it?
"ok, well," she stopped, don't say it she thought.
"goodnight," he said, and he was already at her door.
"goodnight, her voice followed, and then there was a soft click of the door opening, then closing. and the silence returned, and remained. she stayed on the couch, and wrapped her arms around herself, wishing they were his.
he walked down the stairs, stopping twice, thinking about going back up, but in the end, he was opening his car door, cursing his cowardice. he looked up, to see if she'd turned a light on, but it was still dark in her window, and he started his car, which rumbled to life reluctantly. foot on the clutch, he shifted into first, and felt a pain in his gut, in his heart, in his soul, and he drove off, wondering if he'd ever be able to tell her how he felt. scared to death that she'd never feel the same way.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
something to say...
exhale in a long sigh. i have something to say.
i believe in fairy tales, i believe in something new, and something old. i beleive the future is happening, and i beleive that it's all happened before. i believe in something better, and i know there's something worse. i see the sky before it's dark, and the stars that keep burning bright. i think about myself, and i worry about it all. i think there's something to this love thing, and i wonder if i've ever done it right. i wonder if there's a real reason to marry, and i think, maybe i'll get married again, i think, maybe there's more than one person that could be the one, but which one is now, and how do you know when it's later. i beleive in the road under the tires, and the leaves in the trees, or on the ground. i want to find that happy medium, whatever it might be, and i know there's a reason to get up everyday. i love everything, and i hate you all, i don't get what i'm saying, and that's probably for the best. i think there's a time to listen to the blues, and that it can make you happy. i hope that you've noticed when i'm not around, whoever you might be. i believe in the relationship that's lasted forever, even if it's rambled a path that winds around and around. i want to get to the end and read this story, and i want to know what happens before it does. i don't like the sound of my own voice, but i sing anyway, and i hate it when someone tells me to stop. i drink too much, and sometimes, not enough, i spend too much time doing the things i hate, and never feel up to doing what i love. i want to wake up next to you, i want the song to be perfect. i want to feel your breath against my skin, i want to taste you in every way. i love the smell that hangs around you. it's so much more than that. i want to kiss you. i want to fuck you. i want to be inside you. i want to make you smile, just by walking in the room. i want to feel you near. i want to wake up. there's beauty in the world, and i'm determined to find it. i want to settle down. i want to get up and go! i hate everything i love about you, and i don't see this ending well, whatever it ends up being. i want to quit my job. i want to write the story of my life, but i want to embellish it a little. i want to tell tall tales, and i want you to beleive every one of them. you can't be here, because here is nowhere at all. i want to watch a zombie flick, something with a lot of pointless blood. i wish i was better at listening, at finding the balance. thank you for hearing me out. i want to curl up in my bed and sleep forever. i miss loving dinosaurs. i miss playing with legos, and sesame street, and the joy i got from super mario bros. when i could warp my way through the levels. i wish i'd had more friends growing up. i love the friends i don't have anymore, for whatever reasons. i want a better relationship with everyone, i wish i never hurt anyone before, and i don't want to do it again. i wish i had more time. i wish i used the time i had better. i wish my time lined up with everyone elses. i miss you. i miss you, and i miss you. i remember when we were kids and we used to hang out and listen to what we thought was good music at the time.and i remember finding out that there was so much more than kdwb. i miss the sega genisis, the super nintendo. i miss the nes, and duck hunt. i miss the x-men, and arguing about the color to paint wolverine. why can't it be that way again. i remember how people reacted when my marriage was over, and i remember when i finally accepted that it was done. i wish only the best to you, and i wish only the worst too. i'm sorry i missed the train. there's something about a lack of color. sometimes the world should be grey. i loved playing in the leaves. i love the sound of my children's laugh. i wish i had more time to spend with them. i can't beleive that i'm getting old, i never thought it would happen. i never thought it would be like this. sometimes i just want to cry, and occasionally i have. i wonder why i'm not now. i'm ok, but not always. i beleive in a real love that can take you by surprise. i don't seem to trust i before e, whether it's after c or not. i beleive in friendship that's based on contrary beliefs, i believe in saying goodbye. i hate when it's over, i want it to be done. i can't beleive you fucked my wife, no matter what she told you. so many years thrown away. i can't beleive it ended up the way it did. you were like a brother, and you won't even let me forgive you, because you won't forgive yourself. i don't want you to hurt because of it. i wish i took better photgraphs. i wish i could type fast enough to keep up. i love this song. i love so many songs. i wish i had more time to read, and to write, and to watch movies. i wish i could just watch a movie with you. i wish i knew you better, i wish you'd let me get to know you. i want to hang out with the guys. i hate that life gets in the way. i want to taste fire. i want to tell you how i feel. i wish i knew how i felt. i want you in the worst way. i don't want you at all. i'm tired of being hurt, and i don't want anymore than everything. i want a marriage that works. i want to friendship that's real. i want to punch through the walls. i want to destroy something, i want to relieve my tension. i want to touch, i want to feel, i want to breath. i want to stop smoking. i want to smoke without fear. i don't want to die. i'm sorry i fucked your sister, it shouldn't have happened. i wish i could call you, because i would have been so much better for you than he was, and now i'm sure you're on to something different. i hope it all worked out. i remember prom night... all of them. i remember my honeymoon, and i wish it could have been better, but i wouldn't trade what it was for the world. i think i'm charming, i wish i was moreso. there is nothing left to give, i want to give it all. i like watching you walk away. i just want to be me. i want to be free. i beleive in the ocean, the one i haven't seen since i was kid. i want to spend the day at the beach. something has to give. i wish you would just tell me what you feel. i wish you wouldn't say anything at all. i miss the life i had. i wish i had more money. i don't want to need money. i don't want to pay my bills. i hate my car. i hate my apartment. i hate the way i take advantage of you. i wish i could reciprocate better. i wish i didn't leave it up in the air. i hate being so tired i shiver, even when it's not cold. i hate the headache i get when i'm not quite drunk enough. i love it when the room spins, except when i can't make it stop. i want to ride some bumper cars. i wish i liked roller coasters more. i love my mommy, but i wish sometimes she'd just go way. i wonder where my dad is now, he looked so bad when i saw him last. i hope i don't end up like him. i'm not afraid of heights, except when i look up. i want to try rock climbing, won't someone try it with me. i want to be more active, i just want to sit here and not move. i think coffee cake should be more accessible to me. i think hot pockets are the worst thing that ever happened to the planet, but i love them so. i wish i could eat out everyday, but there's something about a plate of ramen noodles that only cost me seventeen cents. i want to see the world, or, if it's so inclined, i'd like the world to come me. i can't believe what you did. i can't beleive you didn't tell me. it hurts so much, i can't even tell you. i think it was for the best, but there's a hole in my heart. i am afraid of what tomorrow will bring. i want to write for a living. i wish that i could just finish what i've started. i hate watching from the sidelines, but i wish i knew more the rules so i could just play. i'm sorry for everything i've ever said, i'm sorry i can't give you everything you want, or need. i wonder when you might be ready to settle down. i don't want my kids to be as screwed up as i turned out, but i don't think i turned out that bad. i can't bear you two growing up. i can't wait to see what you do, i just hope i did ok. i hate the political agenda. i wish i could make decisions. i wish my opinion mattered. i want to see you in person, i don't want to push too hard. i hate flying, but i'd like to be on a plane right now. i want throw it all away, i want to start something new. i wish that people could be more honest, or that i didn't suspect that there were so many lies. i hate the fakeness in your voice. i hate the fact that you can't just admit that you fucked up. i can't stand the compulsive lies. i can't imagine what it's like to keep track of them all, but i admire you for trying, if you can't give in, just give it your all, i guess. i don't think there's a chance at happiness. i'm happy right now. i want to go camping. i want a campfire. i want s'mores. i want a pontoon boat thing. i want to have a barbeque. i want to eat something i've never eaten before. i want a glass of wine with dinner. i want to do a line of shots. i want to drive drunk, and not worry about it. i want to get lost on purpose, and not find myself for a very long time. i want to turn the music up. i want everyone to hear it, while i'm by myself. i hope you don't think this is all about you. i hope you can sort it out. i can't. there's something about an open chord, a voice in the air, the sound in the dark. i love to close my eyes and listen. i miss talking to you, i wish it was tomorrow, or yesterday. i love your brown eyes. thank you for teaching me about music. i hate my cell phone, but i haven't done anything about it. can you believe i've written so much. i love to hear you laugh, i love to hear you smile. i love how you're a nerd, and when you admit it. i want someone to hold me. i want to hold someone back. i want one of those high school dates that i didn't have. i miss highschool, i wish i'd done it all better. i miss the smell of cool water, and gravity. i miss you, why did you cheat on me? was it really that bad? what might have been? even though your dad hated me, and your mom wasn't all that fond of me either. did they really do the things you said they did? i want to buy someone flowers. i want to pin on a corsiage. i want to spell that right. i miss phone calls that last 6 hours. i miss dropping a note in a locker. it's been so long since anything meant anything at all. i hate the way it feels like i've done it all before. i hate that i'm scared to try something new. i want to go to a show. i wish i could really dance. i want to see the constellations, i want to be fluent in so many languages. i want to get in shape. i like being stronger than you. i wish i was a little bit taller. i wish so many choices were easier. i wish i'd made better decisions. i want someone to obsess over me the way i obsess over them. i want it to be healthy. i need to bake cookies. i want someone to make dinner for. i miss being alone. i miss being with someone. i want to be an adult, what does it mean? will i ever grow up. how did i miss, how can i catch up. i remember watching so many disasters on televion. i remember where i was. i like when the audio doesn't match. i want to believe in magic. i want magic. i want to feel butterflies in my stomach... i already do. i wish you'd call me, i haven't heard from you in forever. i wish i had you're number. i want to get into a fight. i miss make-up sex. i wish i wasn't so worried. i hate credit cards, and my electric bill. i want to make the world a better place. i want to tear it all apart. i want to tear your clothes off and just fuck. oh, and i miss fucking you... i want to hear something uplifting. i want someone to tell me i'm attractive. i want to be attractive in so many ways. i want to be a goof. i want to crack a joke, i want to make you smile. i want to lay it all on the line, and have it pay off. i want a big house, or at least something big enough for us all to live in. i can't beleive you've never been in love before, i can't believe how many times i've heard that lately. i wonder if i was in love, or if i had it wrong from the start. i wish i was more corageous. i want to go to a wedding. i want to go to my wedding. i don't know if i really ever want to get married again. i never wanted more kids, but now i'm not so sure. i miss my babies being so small. i miss you laying on my chest, snoring softly. i haven't been to a funeral in a long time, and i'm thankful for that. i wish something was happening. i wish something was happening right now. i can't beleive how big you are. i wish i could just make it all better. i hate it when you're sad, and yes, i wish your mommy and i could still be together. i want to go to chicago again, and i hate that city. i want to see you all dressed up. 'fuck' is the greatest word to describe how i feel. there's something wrong with the relationship we have, but i don't know if we should give it up, 'cause we keep trying. i want to be the king for a day. i want to show you all. i need to go to sleep. i haven't slept enough lately. there's a hole in my heart. i'm worried that i might be broken. i want to drink some tea. green tea. with honey. i hate pop, but i like a few songs. i wish i could listen to more music. i want to make music of my own. i love that one song, you know the one? i like that you don't like some of what i like. i love to agree to disagree. i love the debate. i wonder how long 'til you're sick of me. i wonder if i'm doing this right. thank you for playing, it's great. i want to see you. i want to know what you're doing right now. i want to be a part of your life. i want a woman that loves me for who i am. i want someone that's ok with where i'm at, and doesn't mind dealing with me when i'm being moody. i wish i wasn't so moody. i love how you can be a bitch. i hate it too. i'm glad to know you. i can't believe you'd let a man treat you the way he has. i wonder where to begin. if i told you the whole story, would you still like me. can you love me? can you love at all? why am i such an asshole sometimes. why do i push everyone away, especially when i want them so close. why do you push me away, we've been friends for so long. what ever happened to bro's before hoes, what happened to the plans we had. hey, how's the new job, must be hectic if you can't call me. why don't i call you? do i even have time. why haven't you invited me to hang out in a while, why do i always hear about it after it happened. why can't i have it all? i really can't complain, but i do it anyway. i want keys. i like keys. you know what else i like? if not, why? i could tell you. you might not beleive me. i wish my skin was smoother. ok, i really, really love the crunch of the leaves. i wish fall lasted longer. i wish i liked sports more. i want to run. i want to live. i hate waiting by the phone. i want to try something different, and i don't want it to suck. i promis you it will get better. i wish you could see yourself the way i do, so you'd know how i really feel, and i would have to try and find the words. i want to be that person in your life. i want you to tell your friends about me. whoever you are, i want to walk by, and i want you say something. i wish i could say something too. i loved the way you kept talking, i wonder if you were waiting for me to ask you out. i wonder why i didn't. i never want ed the day to end. i wish it hadn't. i wonder about chance encounters. i want to go to the zoo again. i want to set the animals free. i'm scared of spiders, sometimes, but i'd kill it for you. i want to get caught in the rain. i never want to sleep again. i want to sleep next to you again. i want to drive next time. i want to cross state lines. i wish we'd gone on more trips. i wish i could just take a road trip right now. i want to play a game. i don't trust you. i don't know why. i can't beleive what people are looking for sometimes. i wish there was no evil. i love you. i hate you. i miss you. i want you. i can't stop thinking about you. i don't know what i'm thinking at all. i want to skip the hard parts. i don't want to pass go... though i'm ok with collecting $200. i miss love. my heart aches. i can't beleive it's october already. i want a role model, a hero. i wish you felt the way i do. i can't beleive i've written all this. i want to write so much more. i want to send you a letter, and in it i would tell you everything. it won't happen.
i need to stop...
something to say... by ~fyrephlie on deviantART
i believe in fairy tales, i believe in something new, and something old. i beleive the future is happening, and i beleive that it's all happened before. i believe in something better, and i know there's something worse. i see the sky before it's dark, and the stars that keep burning bright. i think about myself, and i worry about it all. i think there's something to this love thing, and i wonder if i've ever done it right. i wonder if there's a real reason to marry, and i think, maybe i'll get married again, i think, maybe there's more than one person that could be the one, but which one is now, and how do you know when it's later. i beleive in the road under the tires, and the leaves in the trees, or on the ground. i want to find that happy medium, whatever it might be, and i know there's a reason to get up everyday. i love everything, and i hate you all, i don't get what i'm saying, and that's probably for the best. i think there's a time to listen to the blues, and that it can make you happy. i hope that you've noticed when i'm not around, whoever you might be. i believe in the relationship that's lasted forever, even if it's rambled a path that winds around and around. i want to get to the end and read this story, and i want to know what happens before it does. i don't like the sound of my own voice, but i sing anyway, and i hate it when someone tells me to stop. i drink too much, and sometimes, not enough, i spend too much time doing the things i hate, and never feel up to doing what i love. i want to wake up next to you, i want the song to be perfect. i want to feel your breath against my skin, i want to taste you in every way. i love the smell that hangs around you. it's so much more than that. i want to kiss you. i want to fuck you. i want to be inside you. i want to make you smile, just by walking in the room. i want to feel you near. i want to wake up. there's beauty in the world, and i'm determined to find it. i want to settle down. i want to get up and go! i hate everything i love about you, and i don't see this ending well, whatever it ends up being. i want to quit my job. i want to write the story of my life, but i want to embellish it a little. i want to tell tall tales, and i want you to beleive every one of them. you can't be here, because here is nowhere at all. i want to watch a zombie flick, something with a lot of pointless blood. i wish i was better at listening, at finding the balance. thank you for hearing me out. i want to curl up in my bed and sleep forever. i miss loving dinosaurs. i miss playing with legos, and sesame street, and the joy i got from super mario bros. when i could warp my way through the levels. i wish i'd had more friends growing up. i love the friends i don't have anymore, for whatever reasons. i want a better relationship with everyone, i wish i never hurt anyone before, and i don't want to do it again. i wish i had more time. i wish i used the time i had better. i wish my time lined up with everyone elses. i miss you. i miss you, and i miss you. i remember when we were kids and we used to hang out and listen to what we thought was good music at the time.and i remember finding out that there was so much more than kdwb. i miss the sega genisis, the super nintendo. i miss the nes, and duck hunt. i miss the x-men, and arguing about the color to paint wolverine. why can't it be that way again. i remember how people reacted when my marriage was over, and i remember when i finally accepted that it was done. i wish only the best to you, and i wish only the worst too. i'm sorry i missed the train. there's something about a lack of color. sometimes the world should be grey. i loved playing in the leaves. i love the sound of my children's laugh. i wish i had more time to spend with them. i can't beleive that i'm getting old, i never thought it would happen. i never thought it would be like this. sometimes i just want to cry, and occasionally i have. i wonder why i'm not now. i'm ok, but not always. i beleive in a real love that can take you by surprise. i don't seem to trust i before e, whether it's after c or not. i beleive in friendship that's based on contrary beliefs, i believe in saying goodbye. i hate when it's over, i want it to be done. i can't beleive you fucked my wife, no matter what she told you. so many years thrown away. i can't beleive it ended up the way it did. you were like a brother, and you won't even let me forgive you, because you won't forgive yourself. i don't want you to hurt because of it. i wish i took better photgraphs. i wish i could type fast enough to keep up. i love this song. i love so many songs. i wish i had more time to read, and to write, and to watch movies. i wish i could just watch a movie with you. i wish i knew you better, i wish you'd let me get to know you. i want to hang out with the guys. i hate that life gets in the way. i want to taste fire. i want to tell you how i feel. i wish i knew how i felt. i want you in the worst way. i don't want you at all. i'm tired of being hurt, and i don't want anymore than everything. i want a marriage that works. i want to friendship that's real. i want to punch through the walls. i want to destroy something, i want to relieve my tension. i want to touch, i want to feel, i want to breath. i want to stop smoking. i want to smoke without fear. i don't want to die. i'm sorry i fucked your sister, it shouldn't have happened. i wish i could call you, because i would have been so much better for you than he was, and now i'm sure you're on to something different. i hope it all worked out. i remember prom night... all of them. i remember my honeymoon, and i wish it could have been better, but i wouldn't trade what it was for the world. i think i'm charming, i wish i was moreso. there is nothing left to give, i want to give it all. i like watching you walk away. i just want to be me. i want to be free. i beleive in the ocean, the one i haven't seen since i was kid. i want to spend the day at the beach. something has to give. i wish you would just tell me what you feel. i wish you wouldn't say anything at all. i miss the life i had. i wish i had more money. i don't want to need money. i don't want to pay my bills. i hate my car. i hate my apartment. i hate the way i take advantage of you. i wish i could reciprocate better. i wish i didn't leave it up in the air. i hate being so tired i shiver, even when it's not cold. i hate the headache i get when i'm not quite drunk enough. i love it when the room spins, except when i can't make it stop. i want to ride some bumper cars. i wish i liked roller coasters more. i love my mommy, but i wish sometimes she'd just go way. i wonder where my dad is now, he looked so bad when i saw him last. i hope i don't end up like him. i'm not afraid of heights, except when i look up. i want to try rock climbing, won't someone try it with me. i want to be more active, i just want to sit here and not move. i think coffee cake should be more accessible to me. i think hot pockets are the worst thing that ever happened to the planet, but i love them so. i wish i could eat out everyday, but there's something about a plate of ramen noodles that only cost me seventeen cents. i want to see the world, or, if it's so inclined, i'd like the world to come me. i can't believe what you did. i can't beleive you didn't tell me. it hurts so much, i can't even tell you. i think it was for the best, but there's a hole in my heart. i am afraid of what tomorrow will bring. i want to write for a living. i wish that i could just finish what i've started. i hate watching from the sidelines, but i wish i knew more the rules so i could just play. i'm sorry for everything i've ever said, i'm sorry i can't give you everything you want, or need. i wonder when you might be ready to settle down. i don't want my kids to be as screwed up as i turned out, but i don't think i turned out that bad. i can't bear you two growing up. i can't wait to see what you do, i just hope i did ok. i hate the political agenda. i wish i could make decisions. i wish my opinion mattered. i want to see you in person, i don't want to push too hard. i hate flying, but i'd like to be on a plane right now. i want throw it all away, i want to start something new. i wish that people could be more honest, or that i didn't suspect that there were so many lies. i hate the fakeness in your voice. i hate the fact that you can't just admit that you fucked up. i can't stand the compulsive lies. i can't imagine what it's like to keep track of them all, but i admire you for trying, if you can't give in, just give it your all, i guess. i don't think there's a chance at happiness. i'm happy right now. i want to go camping. i want a campfire. i want s'mores. i want a pontoon boat thing. i want to have a barbeque. i want to eat something i've never eaten before. i want a glass of wine with dinner. i want to do a line of shots. i want to drive drunk, and not worry about it. i want to get lost on purpose, and not find myself for a very long time. i want to turn the music up. i want everyone to hear it, while i'm by myself. i hope you don't think this is all about you. i hope you can sort it out. i can't. there's something about an open chord, a voice in the air, the sound in the dark. i love to close my eyes and listen. i miss talking to you, i wish it was tomorrow, or yesterday. i love your brown eyes. thank you for teaching me about music. i hate my cell phone, but i haven't done anything about it. can you believe i've written so much. i love to hear you laugh, i love to hear you smile. i love how you're a nerd, and when you admit it. i want someone to hold me. i want to hold someone back. i want one of those high school dates that i didn't have. i miss highschool, i wish i'd done it all better. i miss the smell of cool water, and gravity. i miss you, why did you cheat on me? was it really that bad? what might have been? even though your dad hated me, and your mom wasn't all that fond of me either. did they really do the things you said they did? i want to buy someone flowers. i want to pin on a corsiage. i want to spell that right. i miss phone calls that last 6 hours. i miss dropping a note in a locker. it's been so long since anything meant anything at all. i hate the way it feels like i've done it all before. i hate that i'm scared to try something new. i want to go to a show. i wish i could really dance. i want to see the constellations, i want to be fluent in so many languages. i want to get in shape. i like being stronger than you. i wish i was a little bit taller. i wish so many choices were easier. i wish i'd made better decisions. i want someone to obsess over me the way i obsess over them. i want it to be healthy. i need to bake cookies. i want someone to make dinner for. i miss being alone. i miss being with someone. i want to be an adult, what does it mean? will i ever grow up. how did i miss, how can i catch up. i remember watching so many disasters on televion. i remember where i was. i like when the audio doesn't match. i want to believe in magic. i want magic. i want to feel butterflies in my stomach... i already do. i wish you'd call me, i haven't heard from you in forever. i wish i had you're number. i want to get into a fight. i miss make-up sex. i wish i wasn't so worried. i hate credit cards, and my electric bill. i want to make the world a better place. i want to tear it all apart. i want to tear your clothes off and just fuck. oh, and i miss fucking you... i want to hear something uplifting. i want someone to tell me i'm attractive. i want to be attractive in so many ways. i want to be a goof. i want to crack a joke, i want to make you smile. i want to lay it all on the line, and have it pay off. i want a big house, or at least something big enough for us all to live in. i can't beleive you've never been in love before, i can't believe how many times i've heard that lately. i wonder if i was in love, or if i had it wrong from the start. i wish i was more corageous. i want to go to a wedding. i want to go to my wedding. i don't know if i really ever want to get married again. i never wanted more kids, but now i'm not so sure. i miss my babies being so small. i miss you laying on my chest, snoring softly. i haven't been to a funeral in a long time, and i'm thankful for that. i wish something was happening. i wish something was happening right now. i can't beleive how big you are. i wish i could just make it all better. i hate it when you're sad, and yes, i wish your mommy and i could still be together. i want to go to chicago again, and i hate that city. i want to see you all dressed up. 'fuck' is the greatest word to describe how i feel. there's something wrong with the relationship we have, but i don't know if we should give it up, 'cause we keep trying. i want to be the king for a day. i want to show you all. i need to go to sleep. i haven't slept enough lately. there's a hole in my heart. i'm worried that i might be broken. i want to drink some tea. green tea. with honey. i hate pop, but i like a few songs. i wish i could listen to more music. i want to make music of my own. i love that one song, you know the one? i like that you don't like some of what i like. i love to agree to disagree. i love the debate. i wonder how long 'til you're sick of me. i wonder if i'm doing this right. thank you for playing, it's great. i want to see you. i want to know what you're doing right now. i want to be a part of your life. i want a woman that loves me for who i am. i want someone that's ok with where i'm at, and doesn't mind dealing with me when i'm being moody. i wish i wasn't so moody. i love how you can be a bitch. i hate it too. i'm glad to know you. i can't believe you'd let a man treat you the way he has. i wonder where to begin. if i told you the whole story, would you still like me. can you love me? can you love at all? why am i such an asshole sometimes. why do i push everyone away, especially when i want them so close. why do you push me away, we've been friends for so long. what ever happened to bro's before hoes, what happened to the plans we had. hey, how's the new job, must be hectic if you can't call me. why don't i call you? do i even have time. why haven't you invited me to hang out in a while, why do i always hear about it after it happened. why can't i have it all? i really can't complain, but i do it anyway. i want keys. i like keys. you know what else i like? if not, why? i could tell you. you might not beleive me. i wish my skin was smoother. ok, i really, really love the crunch of the leaves. i wish fall lasted longer. i wish i liked sports more. i want to run. i want to live. i hate waiting by the phone. i want to try something different, and i don't want it to suck. i promis you it will get better. i wish you could see yourself the way i do, so you'd know how i really feel, and i would have to try and find the words. i want to be that person in your life. i want you to tell your friends about me. whoever you are, i want to walk by, and i want you say something. i wish i could say something too. i loved the way you kept talking, i wonder if you were waiting for me to ask you out. i wonder why i didn't. i never want ed the day to end. i wish it hadn't. i wonder about chance encounters. i want to go to the zoo again. i want to set the animals free. i'm scared of spiders, sometimes, but i'd kill it for you. i want to get caught in the rain. i never want to sleep again. i want to sleep next to you again. i want to drive next time. i want to cross state lines. i wish we'd gone on more trips. i wish i could just take a road trip right now. i want to play a game. i don't trust you. i don't know why. i can't beleive what people are looking for sometimes. i wish there was no evil. i love you. i hate you. i miss you. i want you. i can't stop thinking about you. i don't know what i'm thinking at all. i want to skip the hard parts. i don't want to pass go... though i'm ok with collecting $200. i miss love. my heart aches. i can't beleive it's october already. i want a role model, a hero. i wish you felt the way i do. i can't beleive i've written all this. i want to write so much more. i want to send you a letter, and in it i would tell you everything. it won't happen.
i need to stop...
something to say... by ~fyrephlie on deviantART
Monday, October 9, 2006
i'm such a fucking nerd!
first of all, the fact of the matter is that i get the above comic, and i laughed so hard it tears actually formed. worst part is that in the end, it's really not that funny. if you get what it says, or suspect you might be some sort of romance driven nerd with a penciant for math and/or physics, you should definitely check out xkcd.com because it's really funny. not like ctrl-alt-del, or penny arcade, which are for video game / internet nerds, but funny in it's own very very sad way.
i wish i hand't just entered all the url tags up there by hand, almost all the url's from memory.
first of all. i love linux. i love it in principle, and if i didn't love video games so much, and wasn't willing to forego non-linux games, i would use strictly linux. there's nothing like boostrapping a box with a fresh copy of gentoo linux, or the simplicity of installing up some ubuntu. is it sad that my main box is the only one that runs windows? is it sad that i have a main box, and so many sub boxes?
it excites me to find out that the wii will be running a custom linux kernel... and of course, they are already working on hacking the console when it breaks. good fucking times.
anyway, what's the point of all this? i have none, i just realize sometimes how big of a fucking nerd i am. i'm ok with it, and everyone else should be to. it's just makes me shrug my shoulders and crack a damn smile.
oh, and myspace?
ba ahahahahahahahhaa, so ghey.
Friday, October 6, 2006
frank miller's 300!
so, frank miller is a genius. the point of the matter is that his work is incredible, and being that it's done in 'graphic novel' form, it is typically overlooked by many that would enjoy it.
until hollywood takes notice, that is.
i, for one, have been enamored with the fact that main stream comics have come into their own in the theaters. it's incredible. it's beautiful. it's moving. it's what i have longed for since i was a kid collecting books from the drug store, or shinders, or wherever i could pick 'em up. so, now that there have been some marvel titles that have gotten their fare share, after the smattering of dc (batman) flicks over the years, some of the more rare and beautiful titles.
such as, frank miller's sin city, which was an incredible movie. while i could spend a good hour talking about the ways in which i loved it, and how great it was to see it in a thx certified theater on a couple of pre-release tickets a friend scored, and, of course, the couple of things that i didn't like, i won't. this 'blog' is about the new 300.
frank miller's 300 is based on the graphic novel is 'loosely' based on the battle of thermopylae, a little known battle that took place in 480 BC between the greek city states, and the invading persian army, and most noteably, the 300 spartans that fought to the death to hold back a massive, multi-continental invading force, consisting of what is widely considered to be millions, while the smaller (merely 7,000 or so soldiers) escaped away. the smal band of career soldiers, the spartans, were ordered to stay behind, while the remaining greek forces were ordered to flee. the thespians, a small contingent of 700 citizen soldiers (read, not bred for war like the spartans), refused to leave, and fought bravely with the spartans, all of their lives were forfeit. in the end, it is considered a victory for the persian army, who had colected their soldiers from across asia and africa, who's numbers were all but worthless in the small mountain pass, they suffered such great losses in the end, that I feel like it should truly be considered a 'draw'.
now, for more info, click the link to the wiki article, which is, i hope, fairly accurate still. frank miller's adaptation takes extreme liberties, which i think will be evident by the beautiful trailers. i kid you not when i say that this looks like it's going to be the one of the best movies i've seen in a while, and i see a lot of movies.
the thing that i like is that there is such an excellent fusion of historical record that herodotus left for us, and frank miller's incredible story telling, as well as a truely incredible film rendering of the original graphic novel's art.
anyway, if you get a chance. spend a few bucks to see this in the theater, because it appears that this is one that cannot dissapoint. it will not be your typical ancient war epic, there will be so much more to it than that, and will be so very very very worth it!
until hollywood takes notice, that is.
i, for one, have been enamored with the fact that main stream comics have come into their own in the theaters. it's incredible. it's beautiful. it's moving. it's what i have longed for since i was a kid collecting books from the drug store, or shinders, or wherever i could pick 'em up. so, now that there have been some marvel titles that have gotten their fare share, after the smattering of dc (batman) flicks over the years, some of the more rare and beautiful titles.
such as, frank miller's sin city, which was an incredible movie. while i could spend a good hour talking about the ways in which i loved it, and how great it was to see it in a thx certified theater on a couple of pre-release tickets a friend scored, and, of course, the couple of things that i didn't like, i won't. this 'blog' is about the new 300.
frank miller's 300 is based on the graphic novel is 'loosely' based on the battle of thermopylae, a little known battle that took place in 480 BC between the greek city states, and the invading persian army, and most noteably, the 300 spartans that fought to the death to hold back a massive, multi-continental invading force, consisting of what is widely considered to be millions, while the smaller (merely 7,000 or so soldiers) escaped away. the smal band of career soldiers, the spartans, were ordered to stay behind, while the remaining greek forces were ordered to flee. the thespians, a small contingent of 700 citizen soldiers (read, not bred for war like the spartans), refused to leave, and fought bravely with the spartans, all of their lives were forfeit. in the end, it is considered a victory for the persian army, who had colected their soldiers from across asia and africa, who's numbers were all but worthless in the small mountain pass, they suffered such great losses in the end, that I feel like it should truly be considered a 'draw'.
now, for more info, click the link to the wiki article, which is, i hope, fairly accurate still. frank miller's adaptation takes extreme liberties, which i think will be evident by the beautiful trailers. i kid you not when i say that this looks like it's going to be the one of the best movies i've seen in a while, and i see a lot of movies.
the thing that i like is that there is such an excellent fusion of historical record that herodotus left for us, and frank miller's incredible story telling, as well as a truely incredible film rendering of the original graphic novel's art.
anyway, if you get a chance. spend a few bucks to see this in the theater, because it appears that this is one that cannot dissapoint. it will not be your typical ancient war epic, there will be so much more to it than that, and will be so very very very worth it!
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